Lion bar con

[iwantatattoo]

My Husband is a lion tamer and was horrified when he sliced open a Lion bar this evening.
It looks nothing like a lion, very misleading!

Rocky : no Sylvester Stallone, just biscuits.

Hoping to get a present for my niece, but there were no Barbies, Baby Annabels or Tiny Tears in my bag of Dolly Mixtures.

Finished off a pack of rich tea biscuits the other week and still only had £30 in the bank

Went on a trip to Iceland. So-called land of fire and ice. What a disappointment - not one single volcano or hot spring. And I couldn’t see the northern lights - probably because the place was packed full of freezer food. I’m taking it up with my MP.

Poor signal on my TV. Bought a box of Ariel -taking it back for a refund.

No heads or shoulders in my shampoo either ....

Last night. I'm sat here on my lonesome with no one to go out with, so thought I need some friends. Switched on the tv, found the right channel but alas I still ended up on the sofa by myself all night.

Not going to bother with neighbours now. Any other suggestions how to meet people?

Dunno, but that reminds me I've been listening to The Archers for years, but there's no mention of bows and arrows at all.

Don't get me started on Blue Peter. Switched it on expecting a jolly good swear fest and dirty jokes and got some youths making crap out of cardboard boxes!

I spent ages picking through the Coronation Chicken sandwich I bought in M&S the other day - not a crown or sceptre to be seen.

I bought a dressed crab from the fishmonger's. Imagine my embarrassment to find it was, in fact completely naked. I had to cover my DD's eyes!

The 'Rampant Rabbit' I ordered from Ann Summers was not the family pet I'd hoped it would be.

[grin]@ScreamingValenta

This thread keeps on giving ❤️

Bought some tiger bread. Had the cage ready and everything. Nada.

You lot don't know you're born!
I caught a double decker last night outside work. I'm still not bloody home.

That really made me laugh

Does anyone know if my Swiss roll will still be valid after Brexit?

You're ok with your swiss roll, they're not in the eu...my french fancies on the other hand...

The jeweller laughed me out of the shop when I asked him to value my so-called Bombay Sapphire .

I got some Earl Grey but there's been no posh bondage at all.

I’m fuming.

I opened a Bounty bar earlier and there wasn’t a penny in there. Just some coconut stuff.

And don’t get me start on the bag of milk bottles I bought for my kids. Not a drop of milk in them. Total rip off

Farrow and ball paints. Do I need to say more?

Student mates and I shared a whole bag of hash browns; didn't do a thing for us though.

I ordered a club sandwich recently. It was teeny.

Needed something to slake my thirst so poured myself a nice glass of baking soda. Its an, um, acquired taste and I am still pretty thirsty tbh 🤷‍♀️