Lion bar con

[iwantatattoo]

My Husband is a lion tamer and was horrified when he sliced open a Lion bar this evening.
It looks nothing like a lion, very misleading!

cheeeeislifenow- have you ever tried stitching jacket potatoes together? It's bloody impossible.

Pork scratchings don't make me itch

I bought a pack of Fisherman's Friends. I am still lonely.

Thanks FlirtyRomanticToast
He's struggling to concentrate for some reason so lucky charms are just what we need.

All my Jelly babies are teething 😂😂 !

But Leeds, are you even a fisherman?

I bought halls soothers at the chemist. I am still feeling anxious.

'I bought a pack of Fisherman's Friends. I am still lonely.'
Have you ever smelt a fisherman?

Came home, ready to relax, opened my Tunes - not a peep - I mean they can’t promise the genre I want, but there was silence. I’m going to my MP.

smelled not smelt. Don't smelt a fisherman!

I got a packet of Cadbury's mini eggs and no small cars have hatched from them yet. I am aggrieved.

I got some spag hoops, hoping to trim my waistline by doing 100 hulas a day

I bought a box labeled Yorkshire Gold, it felt suspiciously lightweight. Sure enough, I opened it to find some tealeaf had nicked the gold and replaced it with teabags!? Wtf?

I assume I'm supposed to add milk or water to the powder to get a baby? Do i need to use it all? It doesn't say on the bottle/tube/thing.

And don’t drive your car over a “rocky road”

Imagine my disappointment when my now ex-friend handed round a plate of angels on horseback during a soiree at hers. No harps. No wings. No rippling manes. Nada. And definitely no way back!

I highly recommend the limited edition ginger snaps, although I will admit, I farted all night and slept with an uncomfortable and bloated tummy

I opened a packet of digestives earlier and no puppies or kittens crawled out the packet. I'd bought new bedding and bowls in anticipation too. I'm getting on to advertising standards!

The 'Orange Clubs' I bought to brighten up my golfing pal's day were far too short, smashed on contact with the ball and were brown coloured, not orange.

I've made an appointment with the gynecologist because my menstrual blood isn't blue.

On the basis of this thread I thought i'd be safe eating Jellied Eels....

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ALargeGinPlease - I'm menopausal thank God - past the monthly expense of roller skates and parachute jumps.

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And at Christmas time..I ordered pigs in blankets from m&s, do you know what I got? Sausages with bacon? WTF no cable knit blankie covered pot belly piggies.. disgraceful...