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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go away with husband but without children for two weeks?!!

170 replies

ke002 · 22/03/2019 18:56

Hubby and I both have a big birthday next year and we'd like to mark the occasion by trekking to the summit of Mt. Kilimanjaro. Due to the altitude, the success rate increases the more days you take to do it. I understand that 5 days is about a 50% success rate increasing up to 8 days at an almost 100% success rate. It's bloody expensive to do (as by law you have to go with a guide and porters and anyway we would be happy to be employing them for those days) so we want to give it our best shot at summiting so have opted for a route that takes 7 days which includes getting down again.

I would like to get there a couple of days beforehand as I don't fancy setting off immediately after a long haul flight. We are also wondering if we should take advantage of being in Africa and go on a mini safari or just laze on a Zanzibar beach for a couple of days.

All of that, plus a couple of days of traveling, would be about two weeks. Is that unfair on my kids though as they will be nearly 11 and 8.5? Then there's my parents who will be looking after them outside of school hours for two weeks! Plus I'll miss them. One minute I'm talking myself out of it and the next I'm thinking Sod It, let's do it!

OP posts:
IlluminatiConfirmed · 22/03/2019 23:56

I'm taking at least a week off a year on my own but wouldn't hesitate to take two weeks if I could afford it. It's very important to keep doing things you love, throughout life.

SocksInPeril · 23/03/2019 00:13

I think the crux is whether you think children are a part of your life, or whether you think they are your life. I’m in the former camp so I think you should go for it.

Purpleartichoke · 23/03/2019 00:18

I think the kids would be fine at those ages.
Our sets of grandparents would not be willing to do 2 weeks, but if yours are, I would go.

bellsbuss · 23/03/2019 00:23

Do it and enjoy, we have 4 children and since having our first we have always had one holiday a year as a couple and although we miss them it's amazing to have time together. We know they are well looked after by grandparents and we have lovely family holidays all together so they don't miss out.

cherriesandoranges · 23/03/2019 00:47

@ChristmasArmadillo I get what you're saying and I agree however the OP can still achieve the climb in 5-7 days. It's the extra days for "lazing around/mini safari" I don't really understand.

ChristmasArmadillo · 23/03/2019 01:24

@cherriesandoranges That’s a valid point. I’d probably miss mine too much after a week to enjoy lazing but mine are also years younger.

Pernickity1 · 23/03/2019 05:12

Wouldn’t think twice! Left my kids with my parents for 10 days when they were 2 and 10 months so at your kids age I can’t see any reason not to? Once your parents are happy to do it go for it! Sounds amazing.

HeronLanyon · 23/03/2019 05:24

YANBU - but for everyone’s peace of mind have excellent insurance/contact tech, so if you needed to get back as quickly as you could (which wouldn’t be that quick) you could do it.

marcopront · 23/03/2019 05:32

@goodwinter
So on average 24 people a year, meaning roughly 1 in every 1250 people die? I'm not against the idea, but that actually feels riskier than I would have imagined.

Although they are all classified as mountain sickness initially after autopsy another reason is often found.

Shookethtothecore · 23/03/2019 06:24

Some people 🙄
I didn’t enjoy the 2 weeks away from mine but we do regularly go away without them, they absolutly love going to my parents and would choose to go there to be spoilt for 2 weeks. We do different types of holiday with the kids, I don’t enjoy all inclusive Spain holidays by my kids love them so we have one with them and one without them. You don’t have to do everything together I don’t think it’s healthy

Loopytiles · 23/03/2019 10:31

This is another thread highlighting that posters who have childcare help from family have a lot more options.

HotpotLawyer · 23/03/2019 10:38

If they are v close to your parents and will have a great time with them, including a good outing at the weekend, and if they are confident kids who would be ok and not get upset about your absence: fine.

It all depends on your kids and their relationship with their grandparents.

HotpotLawyer · 23/03/2019 10:40

Well that’s obvious, LoopyTiles.

Doesn’t mean they shouldn’t take advantage of the opportunity, does it? Confused

ChanandlerBongsLeftShoe · 23/03/2019 10:49

Yes!

If your parents/in laws are happy to (and I mean genuinely happy to!) then I don't see the problem!

I went on holidays with my grandparents regularly when I was that age. I once went to America with them for 3 weeks when I was 6, although my mum said she did regret agreeing to that one as it was too long but I loved it! I also stayed with them when my parents went on a charity mission trip to Uganda for a couple of weeks.

If the kids have a good relationship with their GPs anyway, I'm sure they will have a lovely time and it really does sound like a once in a life time opportunity.

It's not like this is a random jolly, it's a special occasion to celebrate an important birthday.

I say do it if all parties involved are happy.

motherlondon · 23/03/2019 11:15

Do it! If you have able parents happy to look after them, do it while you can!

Our parents used to leave us with grandparents and go to far flung Asian countries, in the days before email and satellite phones. We loved it and the adults on all sides probably did too.

I think it's great for kids to see their parents do something challenging together.

cherriesandoranges · 23/03/2019 11:24

I'm so surprised at some of the replies on here. Most people only get 5 weeks holiday. why you would choose to holiday without your kids? They wont be kids forever and time is precious. Plenty of time for couple holidays when they're 16.

Mosaic123 · 23/03/2019 11:37

How old are your parents? If they are young ish and really keen to do this, then it's not so bad.

Are your wills up to date, including naming guardians, and get all your paperwork in order just in case....

Shookethtothecore · 23/03/2019 11:37

I’m a SAHP so the holiday argument doesn’t apply to me, we have holidays with and without our children depending on the activity. You could die before your able to go on these trips, or get too ill to travel.

CostanzaG · 23/03/2019 11:47

Absolutely go for it! I know people are saying two weeks is a long time but it isn't really....not in the grand scheme of things.
Sounds amazing.

Connieston · 23/03/2019 12:04

If both were teens I would, but I wouldn't at those ages (similar to my kids now) I'm taking into account their personalities etc and your kids may be different of course! I think my youngest in particular would struggle with it. That's just my honest take. I've hiked and climbed a lot and tbh whilst kids dependent I wouldn't risk that one on basis of injury but again, that's me and you may be more experienced and fitter!

I've had a week away from my kids last year so I'm not a total killjoy Grin and that was fine but about the limit for me and them.

drquin · 23/03/2019 12:05

You were never going to get a consensus here anyway!
Some folk would have you believe leaving your children for much longer than a 1/2 hour trip to Tesco is selfish and shouldn't be encouraged ..... others will tell you 2 weeks is daft, make it 3 😂

The only thing to consider is whether it's right for your family.

There's plenty families I know would go for this.
Others, no, it's not the right time or don't have the childcare options or need to prioritise cash etc.
Both perfectly reasonable attitudes.

itssquidstella · 23/03/2019 12:14

Do it! DP and I got engaged on the summit of Kilimanjaro 😬 We did the Lemosho Glades route, which was seven days up: I don't think I'd have made it to the top if we'd tried to summit any more quickly.

Such an amazing experience, and I think your children are old enough to be left as long as their grandparents are happy to look after them.

BenjiB · 23/03/2019 12:18

Do it! What a fabulous trip. X

SileneOliveira · 23/03/2019 13:04

Do it.

I think part of our job as parents is to raise children who are independent, capable adults. That means teaching them that although they are important, the world does not revolve around them. Happy, well-adjusted children of 8 and 11 who have a solid relationship with their grandparents are perfectly capable of being left for a fortnight.

It doesn't mean that OP doesn't want to spend time with her kids, or holiday with them. She and her DH want to do something which is important to them. Something which might not be possible (or at least will be harder) in 10 or 15 years time. There is nothing wrong with doing things for yourself or as a couple when you have kids.

Lightheart · 23/03/2019 13:25

Do it!!!! My mum never went away or did anything without us and always makes us feel guilty for it! My dps mum on the other hand has a lot of exciting stories to share and it hasn't affected dp negatively whatsoever