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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To go away with husband but without children for two weeks?!!

170 replies

ke002 · 22/03/2019 18:56

Hubby and I both have a big birthday next year and we'd like to mark the occasion by trekking to the summit of Mt. Kilimanjaro. Due to the altitude, the success rate increases the more days you take to do it. I understand that 5 days is about a 50% success rate increasing up to 8 days at an almost 100% success rate. It's bloody expensive to do (as by law you have to go with a guide and porters and anyway we would be happy to be employing them for those days) so we want to give it our best shot at summiting so have opted for a route that takes 7 days which includes getting down again.

I would like to get there a couple of days beforehand as I don't fancy setting off immediately after a long haul flight. We are also wondering if we should take advantage of being in Africa and go on a mini safari or just laze on a Zanzibar beach for a couple of days.

All of that, plus a couple of days of traveling, would be about two weeks. Is that unfair on my kids though as they will be nearly 11 and 8.5? Then there's my parents who will be looking after them outside of school hours for two weeks! Plus I'll miss them. One minute I'm talking myself out of it and the next I'm thinking Sod It, let's do it!

OP posts:
Jenb2104 · 22/03/2019 20:23

I couldn't.

ladyflower23 · 22/03/2019 20:24

For me, I feel I've had lots of his free time before I had them to do this type of thing and I hope to have more years to enjoy once they are grown. So while they are children I want to take every opportunity I can to do things as a family. But this is what me and DH have chosen. If you, your DC and GP are all happy with this plan then you should definitely do it.

Knockthreetimes · 22/03/2019 20:24

I think I would. I used to love stopping at my grandparents for a week or two in the holiday so as long as your parents are happy I don't see why not

KitKat1985 · 22/03/2019 20:25

Going against the grain here but no I wouldn't sorry. I think 2 weeks is a long time to leave the kids for, and a long way away, and it's a bit ask of grandparents. And if one of the kids gets ill or something in that time with a tummy bug or bad cold or something, then the kids are really going to miss you, and it's an even bigger ask on your parents. Can you wait a few years and do it when the kids are a bit older, and just have a long weekend somewhere or something this year?

SummerHouse · 22/03/2019 20:29

Love the idea.
Would never do it.
It could take days to get back if there was an emergency.

goodwinter · 22/03/2019 20:30

On average two peoples month die on Kili but that is out of the 30 000 a year who climb it.

So on average 24 people a year, meaning roughly 1 in every 1250 people die? I'm not against the idea, but that actually feels riskier than I would have imagined.

SocksInPeril · 22/03/2019 20:31

I don’t understand what the problem is with being selfish anyway? As long as the children are loved and cared for and having their main needs met, it’s okay for parents to prioritise themselves from time to time.

Go! Have a lovely time! I agree you should do it now whilst you are young, fit and healthy because the opportunity might not present itself when they DC have grown up!

Fazackerley · 22/03/2019 20:34

I did something similar for 10 days ,left kids with GPS. Kids were quite naughty and fussed a lot apparently Blush

We did make sure our wills were up to date !

Springwalk · 22/03/2019 20:35

Its way too long in my view, so no I definitely wouldn't do it.

Not fair to the dc or dp.

I would do another bucket list goal that will not be so taxing on everyone around me. Your parents will probably find it all but impossible to say no given it is a special birthday, but that doesn't mean to say they would feel comfortable about it or won't be utterly exhausted. My dc would find it really upsetting being away from us for that long, so no way would I do it. I would miss them too much.

expatinspain · 22/03/2019 20:39

Do it! My DD (9) is going to be with my mum in another country for three weeks this summer. She can't wait and neither can they. There're taking her canoeing, sailing, mountain biking... you name it, they've planned it! The summer holidays are 11 weeks here. Much better she gets to do something different. I won't be having fun like you, just working unfortunately!

KittyKel · 22/03/2019 20:39

Totally do it, if grandparents are willing to look after the kids. My mum and dad went on holiday together every few years and had great adventures (plus plenty with us). Me and my brother felt like we had our own holiday having a change of scene, didn’t affect us one little bit! And sadly my Dad died when I was 18 so I’m so so grateful and proud that him and my mum still had chance to enjoy life together and do some really cool stuff whilst they could both with and without us. Go for it!!

NannyRed · 22/03/2019 20:41

I wouldn’t. 10 and 8 is still very young to leave children for two weeks.

Ithinkmycatisevil · 22/03/2019 20:42

If only do it if the kids and your parents would both be fine with it. Also I wouldn't want to deprive the kids of a holiday to go off by myself. So I'd only do it if I could afford to also take the kids somewhere nice.

That's just my personal view though, they're your kids and it's your life. Do what ever seems right to you.

hiddeneverything · 22/03/2019 20:44

Go go go!!!! Don't look back! Make your kids proud and want to follow in your footsteps xxx

Slightlyjaded · 22/03/2019 20:45

I'm torn

I think it's ok to leave kids with healthy, happy GPs - two weeks is quite long, but I understand why the trip needs this amount of time.

The thing that slightly bothers me is the remoteness/distance. I know it's unlikely, but being out of contact and potentially days from the DC in an emergency, would worry me.

EnjoyItAll · 22/03/2019 20:45

Do it! Your children will survive 2 weeks with their grandparents and you will have an incredible time! I strongly recommend safari or beach time in Zanzibar. When I was in Zanzibar my internet worked fine at our hotel. It was stunning and we loved every second! Your children will love looking through photos and if you come back with snacks and presents they will be too excited to care you went

EnjoyItAll · 22/03/2019 20:46

Ps safari is pretty exhausting so beach time may be better after a hike!

WineCheeseSleep · 22/03/2019 20:47

If the GPs are genuinely happy then you should do it! The children will love learning about it when you're back.

Parker231 · 22/03/2019 20:48

Definitely go and have a great time! Your DC’s aren’t babies and will be in school the majority of the time so not really much work for grandparents. We did something similar - DC’s went to Canada to stay with grandparents and DH and I went to China. Both we and DC’s had a great time and DC’s couldn’t stop talking about what they had done with their grandparents and their cousins.

Nancydrawn · 22/03/2019 20:49

We were regularly shipped off to grandparents for a fortnight minimum during the summers. Sometimes it was two weeks with one set and a week with the other, in a row. I have glorious memories of root beer floats allowed at lunch. I have suffered no ill effects (other than over fondness of floats).

PlasticPatty · 22/03/2019 21:03

Go in ten years' time.
Be with your children now.

DinoGreen · 22/03/2019 21:03

Sorry but I think it's massively self indulgent. I don't know your situation but DH and I both work full time and we live for spending our holidays with DS. We've had the odd night away from him (in fact we have a 2 night break coming up soon, for DH's 40th!) but I couldn't spend 2 weeks away from him, it's selfish and anyway, I'd miss him massively!

Teddyreddy · 22/03/2019 21:17

We went up Kili about 10 years ago, taking 8 days and all 3 of us made it. It was amazing - but as a PP said - you'll be completely out of contact for a week, if you do a safari as well you'll probably be out of contact most of then too. How will your kids cope if they don't hear from you for 2 weeks, and are the GP up for the responsibility of coping entirely by themselves if something does happen at home? How will you enjoy the holiday without the reassurance of being able to speak to the kids regularly? Would you consider doing something a bit less remote like climbing mount toubkhal in morroco or something in the Alps instead?

legalseagull · 22/03/2019 21:17

My mum did something similar when I was 10/11. I have really lovely memories of spending the time with my grandmother. I didn't get to see her that often and it was genuinely lovely to bond with her. Now she's passed the memory is even more cherished. Go and have fun

BritInUS1 · 22/03/2019 21:20

Do it ! Life’s too short x