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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go away with husband but without children for two weeks?!!

170 replies

ke002 · 22/03/2019 18:56

Hubby and I both have a big birthday next year and we'd like to mark the occasion by trekking to the summit of Mt. Kilimanjaro. Due to the altitude, the success rate increases the more days you take to do it. I understand that 5 days is about a 50% success rate increasing up to 8 days at an almost 100% success rate. It's bloody expensive to do (as by law you have to go with a guide and porters and anyway we would be happy to be employing them for those days) so we want to give it our best shot at summiting so have opted for a route that takes 7 days which includes getting down again.

I would like to get there a couple of days beforehand as I don't fancy setting off immediately after a long haul flight. We are also wondering if we should take advantage of being in Africa and go on a mini safari or just laze on a Zanzibar beach for a couple of days.

All of that, plus a couple of days of traveling, would be about two weeks. Is that unfair on my kids though as they will be nearly 11 and 8.5? Then there's my parents who will be looking after them outside of school hours for two weeks! Plus I'll miss them. One minute I'm talking myself out of it and the next I'm thinking Sod It, let's do it!

OP posts:
CalmDownPacino · 22/03/2019 21:24

Do it. You are a long time dead and you'll regret not going.

I wouldn't have asked on here personally. You were bound to get loads of increasingly competitive "ooh you're so selfish, parents must never leave their children" responses!

Likethewind321 · 22/03/2019 21:32

Do it.
Just an idea: could grandparents and kids fly out to zanzibar to enjoy last bit of the holiday with you?
Expensive of course, but might be nice?

Original poster
ke002 · 22/03/2019 21:41

Thanks for the replies! I haven't been able to keep up with them all. I'm not sure that they're helped us to make a decision but they have given us a few more points to think about!

OP posts:
Dohangoversgetworseasyougetold · 22/03/2019 21:41

I'd add that, if your kids are healthy, secure and happy to stay with grandparents now, then this is the time to do it, because nobody can predict where you'll all be a few years in the future. My boss at work - who is mother to four adult kids - once said to me that a lot of parents assume that their kids only need them at the cute and squishy stage, and so they sacrifice everything for a few years and then think they can resume their previous lives once they have teenagers. Whereas teenagers and young adults actually need their parents more intensely than ever, all the more so because they don't like to admit it. Example: my good friend's parents put off their dream holiday until their children were over 18, and then had to cancel it because their son had a severe mental health crisis after coming off his medication. Obviously, it was more than worth it to be there for him, but the point is that you can't postpone your whole life in the expectation that your children will stop needing you when they hit a magic age, because they will always need you.

Youmadorwhat · 22/03/2019 21:43

Yes of course!! I went away (on my own)for two weeks when mine were 4 and 2 and left them with DH!! Best two weeks EVER!! Much needed! If they are looked after they will be just fine!!

Sarahlou63 · 22/03/2019 21:44

Go for it - two weeks for you kids will fly by but you won't ever be this young again.

justjuggling · 22/03/2019 21:50

Would be fine to leave my children with my parents for 2 weeks but wouldn’t fancy a trek up a mountain! Go! Have an amazing time!! X

anniehm · 22/03/2019 21:50

As long as your parents don't mind, go for it! It's definitely a once in a lifetime and if you wait until they are grown you may not be able to do such a trek.

cherriesandoranges · 22/03/2019 21:54

There's no way I'd leave my kids for that long. I'd miss them too much and 8 is still quite young tbh. I'd maybe do the 5-7 days though then spend a weeks holiday with the children. I certainly wouldn't be lazing on a beach/safari for s couple of days without them. Everyone is different though but that's just my opinion. Enjoy it whatever you decide!

SlackerMum1 · 22/03/2019 22:00

Gosh! Judging by these replies I never realised I was so hard done by as a child! My dad worked overseas mostly and my mum would regularly travel for weeks at a time to see him when I was that age.... can’t say I ever remember being upset about it. Go! Have a good time! Your kids aren’t tinies who won’t understand where you’ve gone, if they have a good relationship with their GPs then they will probably have a great time.

ittakes2 · 22/03/2019 22:06

2 weeks apart is not a long time for couples who have their families in different countries and they go to visit them. I first left my 2-3 year old twins for 2 weeks for a once of a life time trip on the Inca trail with my sister who I did not see often. I was desperate to see the twins when I got back and rushed home - someone was reading them a story and they looked up and smiled...and went back to the story. I had assumed they would burst into tears when they saw me but it was me that was emotional. They were more interested in their story! I left them again recently to see another sister in Italy for 2 weeks. I'm a SAHM and always have been, so my kids see a lot of me - but again they were fine. It's important as a parent to remember you are a role model for your kids - following your dreams is a great inspiration in my opinion - as long as you have a good option with childcare and it seems you do.

ChristmasArmadillo · 22/03/2019 22:09

Absolutely yes! I have the happiest memories of summers spent with my GPs when I was that age, they’ll have a lovely time. They’re not hard to care for toddlers so your DPs will quite likely have an equally lovely time, and you and DH will get an incredible adventure. I’d do it in a heartbeat when mine are all a few years older.

callmeadoctor · 22/03/2019 22:27

God no!!!!!! (A beach and sun on the other hand.........................) Grin

MiniMum97 · 22/03/2019 22:30

I went away for two weeks without my DS when he was 5 or 6. He stayed with his nan who he adores and had a ball. I called him everyday and he was absolutely fine.

therearenogoodusernamesleft · 22/03/2019 22:43

I'm really surprised by the replies on here.

I would say 100% do it - how inspiring for your children to hear about, and for them to understand you're people in your own right.

Those saying wait until after kids - climbing Kili may not be an option then. Surely you can't put your lives on hold for that long?

LateEaster · 22/03/2019 22:47

I don't think at their ages that's too bad really. They will understand that your coming back etc .

I wouldn't leave younger DC whose concept of time is different and who don't understand as much

Coronapop · 22/03/2019 22:51

I think the children would miss you a lot if you go away for 2 weeks, especially the younger one. If their GPs house is like a second home and they spend a lot of time there it might not be so bad but presumably you won't be able to Skype for some of the time. I don't think I would go for that long.

Queenofthestress · 22/03/2019 22:53

Fucking hell some of the replies Hmm
Kids are old enough to know that you love them, you're not abandoning them, and they're happy with their grandparents? Bloody go for it and don't martyr yourselves!

Tweedypie · 22/03/2019 22:54

Go and enjoy yourselves, the kids will have a fab time time with their Grandparents and you will have an amazing trip and precious couple time with your husband.
Win win all round!
Ignore the do you have enough holiday allowance for your kids comment, how ridiculous!!

banana64 · 22/03/2019 22:54

Not in a million years.
Inspiring? Far from it. Showing them that being self indulgent is more important than them? Not very inspiring imo.

cheesenpickles · 22/03/2019 22:57

To the OP #YOLO Grin

DippyAvocado · 22/03/2019 22:59

I'm really surprised how many people would do this. I'd never even contemplate it. I'd miss my kids and be too worried about them to go away for such a long time. There's also no way I'd be happy imposing on my parents. They're not that old but having kids around can be exhausting if you're not used to it. I'm feeling bad leaving my pair with my Mum for a weekend this year in case they wear her out.

My parents never went anywhere without us though, so perhaps that skews my viewpoint.

SausageAndEgg · 22/03/2019 23:00

At those ages yep, absolutely

ChristmasArmadillo · 22/03/2019 23:47

I’m honestly baffled that people are saying no. Are you not a person anymore after you’ve had kids? I might not (might!) leave for two weeks at a resort alone but who’s to say you’ll even be capable of something like climbing Mt Kilimanjaro in ten years or whatever.

IlluminatiConfirmed · 22/03/2019 23:54

Please go!!! It's so important to keep making great memories! My children are 14 and 11 and I echo what others said that ages of your children are perfect for your adventure - they're old enough to no longer be physically exhausting for your parents to look after them, and old enough to try some semi-independence away from you (it's good for them too!) I can't possibly think of why not. Life is for living!