To think this isn't neglect?

[twentytimes]

3 children aged 11,5 and 4. Eldest is sometimes left alone with the little two for several hours and is on her own once a week from after school until midnight. 4 and 5 year olds have on a few occasions been left alone for up to half an hour. They have mums number and know how/who to contact if something goes wrong, nothing ever has though.

Little two are never put to bed because they don't want to. Most nights they eventually fall asleep on the sofa whilst watching tv and are either left there or carried up to bed. They're allowed to watch whatever they want, 5 year old is easily scared so doesn't but both the 4 and 11 year olds will watch adult rated films or tv programmes.

They do what they like with their appearance as long as they aren't in school or it doesn't break school rules and are overall just given a lot more trust and freedom than most children their ages. They aren't spoilt with material things and are told no but if they want to go somewhere or start a new club for example they are almost always allowed. They don't have many rules at home but are expected to follow other peoples rules and are disciplined if they break them or are rude

They are all very happy and confident children, very polite and not badly behaved. Their Mum really loves and supports them. None of them complain or are upset by any of the things I mentioned, if they ever were then Mum would change her parenting.

I know this probably isn't the best example of parenting and If I ever have children I wouldn't do the exact same but AIBU to think its just a different parenting style rather than neglect and that I don't have a moral obligation to report any of this?

It's neglect

Are any of the children in any moral or physical danger, or are they safe from harm? Are they in any actual way being abused - are their care needs met? are they loved, cherished, cleaned, fed and educated appropriately?

Because if all that is being met, SS will not care one iota.

Are we in the Uk or is this small village somewhere totally obscure and this is one of those threads ?

Mum is working while the 11 is left once a week untill midnight, up untill christmas she was staying where the little two go but was given the option of staying home.
Little two have been left while mum goes to neigbours, post box, local shop to pick up a few things.

My mum would leave me with my big brother when I was about 4 or 5, he's 7 years older than me. She'd leave us early morning to go to work. She'd leave us after 7 to go to the pub and come back at midnight. My brother played his PlayStation and left me to my own devices. Most of my mums friends did the same tbh.
I couldn't imagine doing the same with my kids. Get a babysitter or something to watch them. Even as an adult, it's very easy to get in to a panic when something goes wrong and not know what to do. I couldn't risk that with children.

Is this a reverse? This is clearly neglect.

1. Very young children left unsupervised as so unsafe.
2. Not being protected from unsuitable media images.
3. Unfair level of responsibility for 11 year old.
4. 11 being unsupervised for too long and too late.
5. Dc not getting adequate sleep.

I would ring ss if I knew this was happening.

you have to know that this isn’t good. The danger to children is not really other people so your belief that the property being secure may help is faulty. What if one of them falls and bangs their head, gets scared, tries to cook something and so on?

4 and 5 is too little to be left alone.

11 is FAR too young to be left in sole charge of two small children for hours at a time. A child who knows nothing else will be unlikely to complain and many times children do what makes their parents happy regardless of what they actually want.

This is a bizarre and neglectful set up which is essentially non-parenting. Children need adults for guidance, live, support and interaction. They might be happy falling asleep in front of he telly but it’s nkt really ok. As adults we know that.

Destructive parentification is a form of emotional abuse or neglect where a child becomes the caregiver to their parent or sibling. It can affect them for the rest of their life. It can contribute towards anxiety and depression.

I think it's neglect, but if the family is affluent I doubt anything will be done about it.

OP dont know if you are purposely trying to be obtuse but everyone is agreement this is neglect.

This reads like a scenario given to adults who work with children where they are asked to circle all the safeguarding concerns with a few red herrings thrown in.

Unless this is a reverse I don’t understand why you are asking. Unless someone has already challenged the parent and you are seeking to defend them.

Take it the mother has never heard the Madeline McCann story?? Of course it's neglect, I'm surprised you even need to ask.

Definitely neglect. The smaller two being left at all, the 11 yo being in charge, the not putting to bed is borderline. Adult themes also neglect. God. Those poor kids! X

When those six children died in the fire in derby that their father started, one of the things that was talked about at the trial was that nobody ever put the children to bed and that was partof a pattern of neglect.

Leaving children alone is always a touchy subject and I think it’s based upon the individual child not their age.

However, no way is it acceptable to leave 4/5 year olds home alone EVER.

You say the 5 year old is easily scared but stays home alone and is fine? Mmmm not so sure about that.

This is very obviously neglect. The whole thing. To give you an example of something, which generally wouldn’t meet the threshhold for neglect could be leaving an 11 yo alone without responsibility for younger children for a short period of time during the day. However people have also been reported for doing this.

I think this is a very odd post.

OP has great visibility of what's going on in someone else's house - how come?

OP surely doesn't need MN to tell her that this is neglect.

What's the real story here?

Is the father on the scene?

First two paras of the OP yes that’s neglect. The rest of the OP is just parenting style.
Leaving the 11 year old for one night a week from 4pm to midnight isn’t great but not terrible either. Leaving the 4&5 year olds either on their own or in sole care of 11 year old for extended periods of time is inexcusable especially as you say there are alternatives available.
Loving your children isn’t enough you need to care for them too and this parent isn’t even doing the minimum.

An 11 year old should not be left as the responsible person in charge of 2 kids.

That poor child would be devastated if something bad happen to their siblings, but they arent old enough to deal with something bad happening whilst protecting their siblings.

Leaving the 2 younger on their own is awful.

I hope some reports this mother and she gets some support to realise this is dangerous.

Clearly neglect. 4 and 5 year olds should not be left alone at all, not even for a few minutes.

I leave my 11 yo during the days for an hour or two. Certainly wouldn't leave him at night, and would not expect him to be responsible for younger children.

Watching adult tv is also incredibly bad.

Are you having a laugh?

This is either you talking about your own set up or a reverse.

I wasn't going to say who I was as I didn't think it was relevent but I get why it looks suspicious.
These are my younger siblings and my mum, I'm an adult and don't live with them.

It's you isn't it op?

IF it is, you're a shit parent, sorry.