Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this isn't neglect?

267 replies

twentytimes · 21/03/2019 15:23

3 children aged 11,5 and 4. Eldest is sometimes left alone with the little two for several hours and is on her own once a week from after school until midnight. 4 and 5 year olds have on a few occasions been left alone for up to half an hour. They have mums number and know how/who to contact if something goes wrong, nothing ever has though.

Little two are never put to bed because they don't want to. Most nights they eventually fall asleep on the sofa whilst watching tv and are either left there or carried up to bed. They're allowed to watch whatever they want, 5 year old is easily scared so doesn't but both the 4 and 11 year olds will watch adult rated films or tv programmes.

They do what they like with their appearance as long as they aren't in school or it doesn't break school rules and are overall just given a lot more trust and freedom than most children their ages. They aren't spoilt with material things and are told no but if they want to go somewhere or start a new club for example they are almost always allowed. They don't have many rules at home but are expected to follow other peoples rules and are disciplined if they break them or are rude

They are all very happy and confident children, very polite and not badly behaved. Their Mum really loves and supports them. None of them complain or are upset by any of the things I mentioned, if they ever were then Mum would change her parenting.

I know this probably isn't the best example of parenting and If I ever have children I wouldn't do the exact same but AIBU to think its just a different parenting style rather than neglect and that I don't have a moral obligation to report any of this?

OP posts:
autumnnightsaredrawingin · 21/03/2019 15:36

Leaving a 4 and 5 year old alone for ANY length of time is neglect, if you mean actually leaving them alone in the house. Leaving an 11 year old alone until midnight is also very dodgy ground.

eightoclock · 21/03/2019 15:36

Not ideal - but not worse than the parent who takes their child everywhere by car until they are 18 and never lets them out of their sight.

Ineedanewmil · 21/03/2019 15:36

The 4 and 5 year olds being left alone.
The 11 year old looking after the 4 and 5 year olds for hours.
The 11 year old left on their own until midnight.
These sound neglectful to me. The other stuff sounds like lazy shitty parenting

Barrenfieldoffucks · 21/03/2019 15:36

Totally not on. The 5 and 4 year old need adult care and supervision, including boundaries like bedtimes, TV watching, food etc. Kids need adults around to do this sort of thing for them.

Cantthinkofanythingrightnow · 21/03/2019 15:36

Definitely neglect. SS would think so too, and I'm sure the school if they were made aware.

ShitAtScarbble · 21/03/2019 15:37

Who are these people to you?

Am I alone is suspecting you're actually talking about your own set up?

twentytimes · 21/03/2019 15:37

Its a small village with only one close neighbours who are trusted and the kids could go to, outside of those neighbours the property is very secure.
I think they have mostly only been left for a few minutes but has been nealry half an hour once or twice.

OP posts:
Callistone · 21/03/2019 15:37

Of course it is neglect.

How is leaving a 4 and 5 year old alone not neglect?

Bugsymalonemumof2 · 21/03/2019 15:38

I have a 4 year old. She can get into problems the time it takes me to get the bin out.

It most definitely is neglect

SlinkyDinkyDoo · 21/03/2019 15:38

Totally UNACCEPTABLE to leave a 4 and 5 yr old alone for a minute let alone half an hour.

11 year old up til midnight? Really?

Yabu

BlueCornishPixie · 21/03/2019 15:39

eight o clock firstly that's completely irrelevant. Secondly it is worse, at least with one the DC are safe and their needs are being met. Just because there might be worse out there doesn't change this as being neglectful

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 21/03/2019 15:40

Please tell me you're not a professional who works with any of the children, OP because if you are then you really should know these things need to be referred to Children's Services.

SlinkyDinkyDoo · 21/03/2019 15:40

I don't mean a minute while you hang the washing in the garden obviously.

BlueCornishPixie · 21/03/2019 15:40

Still neglect OP...

Jojoanna · 21/03/2019 15:41

But why does the mum leave them for long periods ? It’s very neglectful in my opinion

Theworldisfullofgs · 21/03/2019 15:41

Most definitely neglect

www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/child-abuse-and-neglect/neglect/

Bluntness100 · 21/03/2019 15:41

You can't be serious, this isn't ok on any universe.

Who are you in this?

twentytimes · 21/03/2019 15:41

I'm not a professional who works with then and they aren't my children.

OP posts:
WeCameToDance · 21/03/2019 15:41

Well it's hardly ideal parenting is it.

MyBreadIsEggy · 21/03/2019 15:41

ShitAtScarbble

^^Who are these people to you?

Am I alone is suspecting you're actually talking about your own set up?^^

You are not alone.
That was my immediate thought too. Seems like too many details in the OP for someone just seeing this from outside of the family Confused

Grace212 · 21/03/2019 15:42

"Eldest is sometimes left alone with the little two for several hours"

I'm not sure of any legal definitions, but to me that's neglect

the youngest two are being left without an adult in charge for several hours

I feel sorry for the 11 year old. If she could say no all the time, I bet she would.

sunshineandshowers21 · 21/03/2019 15:42

i have an 11 year old and there is no way i would let him look after his four year old brother or leave him alone for long periods of time. of course it’s neglectful!

Jeezoh · 21/03/2019 15:43

This has got to be a wind up, no sane person with an ounce of sense would think it’s ever ok for 4 and 5 year olds to be left alone. Or for an 11 year old to have responsibility for looking after them. You should be reporting this if it’s true, not looking for validation on the internet.

LuluBellaBlue · 21/03/2019 15:43

I’m all for guiding children into being free thinking, independent adults and therefore have a very open mind to parenting however this is neglectful and I really can’t see anything positive about this ‘style’ of parenting.

Grace212 · 21/03/2019 15:43

OP if you are the neighbour and you are not happy with this, then report.

also say you can't be left as back up for unparented children.