Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Hairdresser = old bully.

310 replies

FirstNameSurname · 21/03/2019 13:16

I went to a new hairdressers today. Booked with a senior stylist "Sarah". When I arrive I was greeted and sat in a chair, receptionist explains the stylist is running late and points over at her. She is my old school/teen bully. Her bullying was severe and prolonged, ended with me hating secondary school and then leaving college early and isolating myself. I am now in my 30's but it still brings back a sick/nervous feeling. Seeing Sarah again completely shook me. She looked over and smiled at me and went back to doing the other person's hair. I gave my full, unusual name at booking and felt she was expecting me.

I got up and returned to reception, asking for the manager. I explained to the manager that I was a new client and the back story. I told her I wasnt comfortable with having my hair cut by Sarah and asked for a different person or to cancel. I was told that no other stylists were available. Options offered were pay a £10 cancellation/non attendance fee or have Sarah and manager would keep an eye on us. I again declined and told them I wouldn't pay to cancellation fee. They then offered a junior stylist but told me I would still need to pay the senior stylist fee as that's what I had booked but now declined.

I left saying I would take the cancellation fee issue up with the owner if she calls me, when I left they were clearly unhappy.

I've checked the website and social media, there are no pictures of Sarah so I couldn't have known it was her before arriving. If I knew I would have cancelled.

If/when owner calls do I complain about how its being handled and refuse to pay, pay up and complain or just block and ignore? I'm swaying towards paying and complaining but I hate the idea of paying my bully any money.

OP posts:
ColeHawlins · 21/03/2019 17:22

Malbecfan's idea of telling them that you will pay the cancellation fee to a Charity that supports people who have been bullied seems like the perfect answer OP.

The salon manager must be wondering what the hell they did to invite all this complication.

Okokokok · 21/03/2019 17:28

I have a feeling you will get a message from 'Sarah' expressing her upset and shock at what has happened. I may be wrong but time will tell

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 21/03/2019 17:41

"The salon manager must be wondering what the hell they did to invite all this complication."

Hopefully the salon manager will just drop it and then that's the end of it. but if they pester OP for the £10, even after she tells them that Sarah was running late anyway and she didn't want to pay senior fees for a junior stylist... and she doesn't want to pay a cancellation fee on that basis, then that's probably a reasonable final answer.

septembersunshine · 21/03/2019 17:45

Op I think what happened at the salon was a knee jerk reaction to seeing Sarah. It must have been such a shock.

You did what felt right to you at the time (there will never be a true right or wrong way to do anything anyway) so don't feel too bad about it or over think what happened. Just put it behind you now and find a new salon!!

TSSDNCOP · 21/03/2019 17:51

How do you know? They might just have another point of view to you. I was also horrendously bullied... including violently. I think that the OP was wrong. We should all have the opportunity to move on in life, bullies or not. I don't feel sorry for her but I do think it's wrong to expose someone in their work place. As a pp said, perhaps she had a terrible childhood and has managed to drag herself up by her bootstraps to get to where she is now. Perhaps she's really struggling at the moment for some reason. Why lower yourself to her level. I don't agree with retribution for retributions sake

Oh good grief. Unlucky Sarah, the past caught up with you and your victim reacted viscerally as a consequence of your treatment of her.

Can you imagine anything worse than sitting in a chair whilst your bully did your bloody hair. You'd be like a cat on hot bricks wondering if she was going to give you a little dig with her scissors.

Op, I hope you buy a lovely present for yourself with that tenner.

Shamoogren · 21/03/2019 18:06

Good on you op.

screamifyouwant · 21/03/2019 18:08

I can completely understand going to the hairdressers is a treat no way do you want to see someone who was horrible to you . I probably would of just got up and left without saying anything but I'm a coward. I admire you for explaining your reasons but they are unreasonable for wanting you to pay even after you explained.
Hopefully this Sarah will feel bad but I don't think she should be sacked likes it been mentioned it's possible she's not like that anymore but you don't know that .I'd be the same , I wouldn't feel comfortable with someone I hated touching my hair .

whiteroseredrose · 21/03/2019 18:11

I very much doubt that they will ask for the £10.

If they did I'd tell them that you booked a senior stylist in good faith. However when you saw who they offered you, you didn't feel that she'd have your best interests at heart. You'd have been happy with an alternative senior stylist but they couldn't provide one.

ElsieMc · 21/03/2019 18:24

Strange to read this. My dd2 was bullied mercilessly in her art class which she took to relax in secondary school. Unfortunately two or three girls mocked and ridiculed her, telling her how very ugly she was and how big her nose was etc. She has never forgotten how something she took to help her turned into a nightmare.

A few months ago she went to the hairdressers she has been going to for years. The apprentice came to collect her to wash her hair and it was the ringleader. She told her partner, who was waiting, she could not go through with it. She simply got up and left and the other girl knew full well why. The salon are quite hot on cancellation policy, but my dd never heard another word about it. She has also never returned, nor has her partner nor her sister.

I totally understand your feeling of shock and whatever anyone else on here might say, you did the right thing for you.

Reters · 21/03/2019 18:29

If/when owner calls do I complain about how its being handled and refuse to pay, pay up and complain or just block and ignore

I wouldnt even answer the phone. Balls to them.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 21/03/2019 18:58

Except, for those who were bullied, it's still something that impacts their lives. I could give you names, places and often rough dates of times I was bullied throughout my secondary school life. I left 20 years ago. I have not forgotten, as much as I would like to. Why should the bullies be able to forget if their victims cannot?

Spot on.

I think even the word 'bullying' can be open to interpretation, but we're not talking about 6-year-olds shouting and calling you a smelly poo-head in the playground, this was a 15yo - not that far off an adult - and a protracted, calculated campaign. If the word 'tormenting' or 'abuse' were used, people might understand somewhat better.

Yes, people can change, but their past actions and the scars that they leave on their victims can't be deleted. You can start to build good relations with new acquaintances, but you have to accept that you deliberately almost certainly destroyed any hope of good future relations with your past victims.

If you are truly repentant, you can always try and find a way of getting in touch to say that you understand they will probably not want to have anything to do with you and you don't expect a reply, but you want to say just how very sorry you are and how much you deeply regret what you did to them - as the PP's DP's erstwhile bully did.

She may be a completely reformed character, but she might be the same (as the OP suggested appeared to be the case) or she might even have got worse over time.

Something quick and relatively impersonal like being served in the corner shop might be more tolerable, but something as intimate and long as a session at a salon, with somebody who has the ability to hurt you with scissors and/or deliberately make a complete mess of your hair, is often something you might be reluctant to trust a neutral stranger with at first, let alone somebody you know HAS wilfully hurt you in the past.

If she's renting a chair in the salon, she's likely self-employed. Of all workers, those who are SE have to understand that their very livelihood depends on their reputation - current and past - whether it relates to the quality of their work, their reliability, honesty, personal integrity or behaviour.

You wouldn't employ a builder with a reputation (or whom you have previous experience of) for building walls that crumble and fall over within the month or a plumber whose work has directly led to several home insurance claims for flooding - however charming or lovely they were as a person. It works the other way around too.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 21/03/2019 19:00

People who have never been bullied don't understand the lasting impact it can have on your life.
If they pursue the £10, I would say that I will donate it to an anti-bullying charity on their behalf.

Absolutely perfect suggestion.

NWQM · 21/03/2019 19:04

OP I honestly think you handled it with dignity given that I can imagine that you went into a wee bit of shock.

Having your hair done...allowing someone to touch you repeatedly and to potential change your appearance quite dramatically ...is very much about trust. Sarah has in the past made the OP feel bullied. Why should she spend her hard earned money hoping that Sarah had changed?

The salon did little to - in my opinion - to make this better. Sarah saw the OP. If she has changed then she had an opportunity to do something about it and to try and make the OP comfortable.

I'd be stunned if they actually came asking for the £10.

Littlechocola · 21/03/2019 19:16

Well done op. I’m in awe.
FWIW I think you did exactly what many of us would want to do but wouldn’t have the balls to do in that situation.
Don’t let this unsettle you. Celebrate!

ohfourfoxache · 21/03/2019 19:17

Well done op

Karma is a bitch Thanks

IC4nSeeYourPixels · 21/03/2019 19:37

You are suggesting it's right to punish someone for something they did 15 years ago.

I don't think adult should lose jobs based on nothing more than some complaints about the person when they were a child, but I do think it is right that legally someone can be punished for a crime they've gotten away with for fifteen years.

Still18atheart · 21/03/2019 19:49

Yanbu. The hair salon is somewhere where you can relax and be pampered for an hour or so. How is that possible if the person who is your hairdresser bullied you and gave you such torment? And I think personally you aren’t just paying for a haircut your paying for the experience and when that isn’t achieved why should you pay.

ChocChocButtons · 21/03/2019 21:12

I think you were unreasonable, yes she was a bully and I’m sorry you were so miserable. But people change and become different etc I’m assuming you haven’t seen her since school etc.

The salon owner don’t deserve to suffer because of something those staff did 15-20 years ago. Sorry if it sounds harsh but she’s probably grown up and become a decent person who feels really shit about how she acted.

Cherrysoup · 21/03/2019 21:22

I think you handled that brilliantly, well done!

Someone said she has no criminal record, this bully, but honestly, these people should be bloody prosecuted for the sheer often prolonged hell through which they put their victims. (Fantasy, I know!) I fucking hate bullies. I had a year 10 boy in floods today because of bullying. It makes me furious.

TheYoungOffendersMum · 21/03/2019 21:24

No way would I pay any of my school bullies to do my hair. I was verbally and Physically assaulted by arseholes from infants through to a levels. I still have shitty dreams about school.

screamifyouwant · 21/03/2019 22:23

The salon owner don’t deserve to suffer because of something those staff did 15-20 years ago
@ChocChocButtons
Why is the salon owner suffering?
She explained that's she wasn't comfortable having someone who was unkind to her do her hair and they wanted her to pay.
I wouldn't want to go to a salon like that .

AHobbyaweek · 21/03/2019 22:24

I have had a run in with a high school bully and I felt so low having to face them. I hope there is a reunion at some point. So I can rub duchess of their faces and tell them how much of a awful fucker they were. I don't care if that sounds petty.
My high school life was ruined by these bitches and some of them bullied a girl who had cancer by stealing her wig and refusing to give it back. They deserve to suffer too.

selfishcrab · 21/03/2019 22:35

I used to own salons and if 1 of my managers had come to me and told me what you had said I would have been very unhappy with the manager for her behaviour towards a client who had a legitamet reason for wanting to leave! I also wouldn't sack the employee because I would have to go by her conduct in my salon BUT it would be spoken about in context to her work.
They can't inforce the £10 cancellation, worse they can do is 'ban' you from the salon.
Well done OP.

Jon65 · 21/03/2019 22:49

I called into the office of a friend, to be faced with a woman receptionist who was very nasty and bullying to me around 20 years before. She recognised me, and I said I've popped in to see Jane is she free? Oh, you are that awful woman who bullied me and was very nasty at the livery yard aren't you? I do hope you don't behave like that here. It was priceless. Her mouth dropped open and in walked Jane. We had a good laugh about it later.

Sunonthepatio · 21/03/2019 22:55

I had the dubious privilege of listening to our school bully years later complaining to me about the bullying being suffered by her daughter.