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Original poster

Ex best friend dating the man I love, should I show him the message she sent me about him ?

278 replies

Margielodi · 20/03/2019 12:14

First time poster. So I met my ex best friend at work, I have been working with her for
4 years. I have been in love with one of my colleague for nearly 3 years. I never had the courage to tell him , and didn't want to ruin my career or make things awkward in case he rejected me. This is gonna sound so crazy-teen-girl , but he was the main reason I was going to work.

I remember having discussions with her about how much I loved him, and she would tell me I had no taste because according to her he looks like a troll , a lesbian, he's so short.

I had to take some time off work because I got very sick. When I came back a month later , I heard my colleagues discussing the new " office couple". Turns out my ex best friend and the man I am in love are now dating. What's strange, is that when I was ill she kept visiting me and didn't tell me anything. She blocked my number, blocked me on social media , and ignores me at work. I didn't confront her at work because I don't want anyone to know about my business, and it's just not the appropriate place.

However, I have hundreds of messages , where we talk about him. I'd text her about how much I love him ( I know it's sounds cheesy) , and her responses are about how ugly he is , he's dwarf , he looks like a woman , oh you have no taste he looks like a dump I took today. She even took pics of him while at work and would caption it " Damn you are the only one who can be in love with such an atrocious creature".

I checked her facbeook via my sis account , and there are so many pics of them too " I love you baby , my baby". I am so hurt and depressed.

Should I show him the messages or should I just let it go and try to move on ?

OP posts:
ambereeree · 20/03/2019 12:51

She was probably trying to put you off by insulting him. I feel sorry for you OP but you really need to let it go. He was a crush and probably knew you fancied him. For all you know he may have deliberately left it till you were out of the office before he made a move on her.

BlueMerchant · 20/03/2019 12:51

Childishly I'd let her know I still have the messages....

Moanymoaner123 · 20/03/2019 12:51

Do not send the messages, you will look like a total loon and have no doubt she will gossip about it with colleagues and make your working life hellish. It wasn't love, just infatuation. Take it as a lesson learned and next time you have feelings for someone, tell them/ask them out. You have nothing to lose doing that, the worst they can do is say no thanks. Then you won't have all the pain built up so much if you are rejected. Work on yourself and make sure you don't become involved with toxic people again.

chandylier · 20/03/2019 12:52

What happened to make her your ex best friend? This incident? Or is there another story.
She sounds v bitchy, you should just wait til he figures that out, shouldn't be too long

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney · 20/03/2019 12:54

This wasn't love, it was a crush. Move on.

Rachie1973 · 20/03/2019 12:56

I’m sorry but I can’t see that your ex friend has really done anything so bad. And I also struggle to see why she’d block you instantly with no input from you.

I think perhaps you said something to her maybe?

gamerchick · 20/03/2019 12:56

If you love him so much why would you want to hurt his feelings like that? Confused all you're doing is showing him some colours you probably should show someone you like that much. He would avoid you like the plague.

Don't do it.

gamerchick · 20/03/2019 12:56

*shouldn't

youknowmedontyou · 20/03/2019 13:00

4 years. I have been in love with one of my colleague for nearly 3 years.

No you had a crush, after three years you still have not moved this on. He's not "yours" and anyone can date him

This is gonna sound so crazy-teen-girl , but he was the main reason I was going to work.

Why was this the main reason to go to work? Not salary, job satisfaction, career plans etc.

I checked her facbeook via my sis account , and there are so many pics of them too " I love you baby , my baby". I am so hurt and depressed.

Sorry OP you need to address this, you need to stop stalking them, you were not in a relationship with him. You do not own him and you should not feel depressed.

I'm sorry but your fixation on this guy needs addressing. It's with all due respect not normal and you seem to be living your life around unrequited love.

ChicCroissant · 20/03/2019 13:00

Nooo, don't do it! He won't drop her and rush over to you, he will simply know that you've been talking about him behind his back for ages which does not make you look good OP!

You've built this up in your head to be far more than it ever has been in real life, stop stalking her on FB and let it go. Move on with grace, it will feel better in the long run. I hope you are doing OK, OP.

Greatbigterribleshart · 20/03/2019 13:03

To be honest you didn't know him that well if you were never in a relationship with him. He could be a reet knob for all you know. Don't spend so long obsessing, just find someone who will love you for you.

Greatbigterribleshart · 20/03/2019 13:04

Also if you get involved so could HR when it all blows up. Not worth losing your job over is it.

EmeraldShamrock · 20/03/2019 13:06

If you had not got together in 3 years I don't think it was going to happen. OTOH maybe she knew he was not interested in you and was trying to put you off him by calling him names.
Do not show him the messages, it won't make him run to your arms, I bet he has known all along you are into him.
Move on, neither of them are for you. Flowers

Bluetrews25 · 20/03/2019 13:07

Saying this kindly......delete the messages, then go out and get a new job away from this pair.
This is not love, this is a one-sided crush that you need to move on from.
There is more to life than him.

paisho · 20/03/2019 13:07

Posted that without reading back pfft. Replace "so you wouldn't be "competing" (for lack of a better word) with her" with "so you wouldn't see her as "competition" (for lack of a better word)".

Tweety1981 · 20/03/2019 13:10

I would try and find a new job if you can and also find a new love interest .

If she would disrespect him then maybe she won’t last with him anyway .

Wait and see what happens but in the meantime keep yourself out of it and don’t tell him anything .. don’t talk her about it either ...

She may have been sending you all those horrible messages because she was after him herself the whole time ..

Bigkingdom · 20/03/2019 13:10

I wouldn’t send him anything, esp if you have to work with them still. They could make things a bit awkward. Just move on.

bigKiteFlying · 20/03/2019 13:12

Saying this kindly......delete the messages, then go out and get a new job away from this pair.

^^ This.

In mean time behave professionally at work - polite to both of them.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 20/03/2019 13:14

I have been in love with one of my colleague for nearly 3 years

You werent in a realtionship, this sint 'love, it is infatuation - if I were you, I'd pick up my dignity and look for another job.

And stop stalking on social media

Coyoacan · 20/03/2019 13:14

I'm in the camp of those who don't think you have a right to think he was off-limits to your friend.

Btw, I'm not a very pretty woman either and I've had all kinds of boyfriends handsome and otherwise. The most wonderful one was not handsome

AnneOfCleanTables · 20/03/2019 13:14

Are you saying you ended the friendship with your 'best' friend because she started a relationship with someone you have had a crush on for years? Are you very young?
You need to focus on building up your RL not a life based on fantasy romances.

Stompythedinosaur · 20/03/2019 13:16

I don't think you were in love with him. You sound infatuated, or maybe like you were in love with the idea of him.

I don't think your friend has done anything wrong, he wasn't your partner, and I would assume that if you hadn't done anything for 3 years you weren't going to.

Showing him the messages would be petty. You need to find a way to move on.

Thisnamechanger · 20/03/2019 13:18

Should I show him the messages

Christ alive NO!!!

She's not behaved well at all but you'll look absolutely insane if you do this.

MyOtherProfile · 20/03/2019 13:19

What happened to make her your ex best friend? This incident? Or is there another story.
This.

Original poster
Margielodi · 20/03/2019 13:21

I didn't not END the friendship , she blocked and stopped talking to me.
If they were together, why did she keep texting me bad stuff about him ? Even couple of days before I go back to work.

I am 21 by the way , and you cannot decide if whether it's love or not. You're not in my head or do not know how I feel. I know him, we met at work, but we ( him , that best friend, and I ) go out together, weekends, pubs.

OP posts:
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