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Original poster

Ex best friend dating the man I love, should I show him the message she sent me about him ?

278 replies

Margielodi · 20/03/2019 12:14

First time poster. So I met my ex best friend at work, I have been working with her for
4 years. I have been in love with one of my colleague for nearly 3 years. I never had the courage to tell him , and didn't want to ruin my career or make things awkward in case he rejected me. This is gonna sound so crazy-teen-girl , but he was the main reason I was going to work.

I remember having discussions with her about how much I loved him, and she would tell me I had no taste because according to her he looks like a troll , a lesbian, he's so short.

I had to take some time off work because I got very sick. When I came back a month later , I heard my colleagues discussing the new " office couple". Turns out my ex best friend and the man I am in love are now dating. What's strange, is that when I was ill she kept visiting me and didn't tell me anything. She blocked my number, blocked me on social media , and ignores me at work. I didn't confront her at work because I don't want anyone to know about my business, and it's just not the appropriate place.

However, I have hundreds of messages , where we talk about him. I'd text her about how much I love him ( I know it's sounds cheesy) , and her responses are about how ugly he is , he's dwarf , he looks like a woman , oh you have no taste he looks like a dump I took today. She even took pics of him while at work and would caption it " Damn you are the only one who can be in love with such an atrocious creature".

I checked her facbeook via my sis account , and there are so many pics of them too " I love you baby , my baby". I am so hurt and depressed.

Should I show him the messages or should I just let it go and try to move on ?

OP posts:
YouSayPotatoesISayVodka · 20/03/2019 12:30

Showing him the messages will hurt him far more than it would hurt her. And if you feel the way you do about him why would you want to hurt him like that?

If she really is as awful as she sounds he will figure it out on his own. In the meantime for your own sake, move on.

Widowodiw · 20/03/2019 12:31

Erm he was never yours though was he, you had three years to do something about it. The messages won’t mean anything to him as she will just say she said those things to put you off him as she had her eye on him. Low on her part but some people will do anythjng to get what they want. Or she could have genuinely thought that and changed her opinion - who knows but you need to put it down to experience and move on. You especially don’t want to make what I would call school girl tit for tat at work.

Eliza9917 · 20/03/2019 12:31

I'd show him.

flooredbored · 20/03/2019 12:32

Do not show him the messages.

To be blunt if one of my colleagues had been sending countless messages about how much they loved me I would be very creeped out.

JacquesHammer · 20/03/2019 12:33

But i had spent many years being shat on from a height and treated like a doormat

The OP isn’t being treated like a doormat. She had three years to make a move on the guy she’s “in love” with and didn’t.

Her friend (and this guy) have done nothing wrong

Original poster
Margielodi · 20/03/2019 12:35

The reason I didn't tell him , it's because I am not a very pretty woman, so I had no chance with him.

And many of you are wrong here, I NEVER claimed he was mine. I know he'd eventually be in a relationship. But I wasn't expecting it to be with a woman I was seeing everyday, whom I went on holidays with, who knows my family and knew my feelings. Seeing him with a woman I don't know wouldn't not be as hurtful.

OP posts:
WhoKnewBeefStew · 20/03/2019 12:35

Chances are she’s told him how you feel about him, so telling him will make you sound like a loon.

Chalk it up to experience and be the bigger person. Don’t tell him

Oh and she’s a bitch by the way

Dextrodependant · 20/03/2019 12:37

You can't live someone you have never even been in a relationship with.

Just forget about it and move on. The whole thing is ridiculous.

BobTheDuvet · 20/03/2019 12:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaiaRindell · 20/03/2019 12:38

If she is as bad as she sounds and he is nice, he will see through her. Don't show him the messages. He will be hurt and you'll be responsible for that. Telling him about it is worse than what she did, tbh.

Damntheman · 20/03/2019 12:38

Why would you deliberately hurt him just to get at her? Ignore it and get on with your life. She will likely get bored if she doesn't get a reaction out of you and the relationship will fizzle out.

woodcutbirds · 20/03/2019 12:39

You had a crush. It wasn;t love. It wasn;t reciprocated or a real relationship. She probably said those stupid things to try and put you off. She probably also felt she couldn't admit she liked him as you had claimed him in your mind. But they are both free agents. It's absolutley fine for them to end up together.

It's rubbish of her to block you though. Just have a word with her, and say: I get that you are a couple now. That's fine. No need to feel uncomfortable with me or block me. I had no claim on him. It was only a crush. I've moved on.

Then do move on, from her as an immature friend and him as someone you actually had no relationship with.

NannyRed · 20/03/2019 12:40

You sound about 5. You were never in a relationship. Grow up.

Order654 has sad it all in one line.

Grow up op, find someone who is interested in you and actually get to know him/her rather than fantasising about your victim (sorry, but you come across very stalker-ish)

Mookatron · 20/03/2019 12:41

She sounds like the kind of woman who has the capacity to be an absolute scorched earth bastard, so I wouldn't risk all that venom being dropped on me. She would absolutely find a way to make your life much worse. Just carry on, head high. Focus on yourself and on finding out the ways in which you are great, without a man. Flowers

JellyBook · 20/03/2019 12:41

You are not in love with him, you have a crush on him, - being ‘in love’ would suggest some participation on his part, which there wasn’t.

She is not your friend.

Nothing good can come of showing him the messages. He will not suddenly fall in love with you, and you will have to explain your part in the exchange of messages which will be humiliating.

OliviaBenson · 20/03/2019 12:41

I'm sorry but I do t think she's done anything particularly wrong here. He was never yours, it was all in your head.

You seem to be acting like a victim here but it's of your making.

You need to work on your own self worth and self esteem and move on I'm afraid.

LetsSplashMummy · 20/03/2019 12:42

She wouldn't have to bend it to make you look worse, you would be doing that all by yourself.

She may have just got bored of you talking about him and doing nothing about it, for three whole years. I doubt she said it unprompted, you were probably saying he was out of your league, and she replied like this to show that was a crazy idea. Is that the case?

If you even liked this guy, let alone loved him, you would never think of hurting him like this. You want to split them up, why? He's hardly going to come running to you, if your pettiness is why he feels so awful in the first place. What would you achieve?

NannyRed · 20/03/2019 12:42

I am not a very pretty woman, so I had no chance with him

Real relationships are not based on looks. You seem incredibly immature, certainly not old enough to be working.

sutRS512 · 20/03/2019 12:43

Damn. I sure as heck would understand you if you did show him the messages. I wouldn't blame you for anything. But at the end of the day, just move on. You can always do better.

StillWould · 20/03/2019 12:45

didn't want to ruin my career or make things awkward in case he rejected me.

You do realise that by sending him the messages you will also be disclosing how you feel about him which is something you have not had the courage to do for three years.

Regardless of course you shouldn't send him the messages it would just be cruel to him and as you all work together really is likely to cause work issues.

greyspottedgoose · 20/03/2019 12:45

I'd send the screenshots to her Wink with a little message about her change of mind, but I'm really fucking petty! She can stress then about wether you will send them him or not!

DONT send them him

Jeezoh · 20/03/2019 12:45

I’m cringing for you, please don’t show him the messages. You’re only going to look like an absolute weirdo if they say how much you love him etc. Just move on and work on your own self esteem.

ShastaBeast · 20/03/2019 12:48

Why do you love him? Or is it just a crush rather than love.

paisho · 20/03/2019 12:48

You sound a tad like a lovesick teenager and I think it's in your best interest to move on. Showing him the messages accomplishes nothing. For all we know, she said all those things to throw you off so you wouldn't be "competing" (for lack of a better word) with her. Immature, but alas, it happens.

NWQM · 20/03/2019 12:48

What outcome are you hoping for by showing him the messages?

She has been horrible dropping you like that. She really should have come clean and said - 'look, x has happened. I know what I said but...' I'm guessing she didn't as she wanted to distance herself from your reaction. Dont make her feel right by 'over' reacting now.