To confront woman who fancies my husband

[Pipsnips]

Me and dh work at same place, me mostly from home, he from office. A woman at work who mostly works from home too is very flirtatious with dh and people at work have commented that she fancies him etc and he says he thinks she does too. Yesterday we were at a work event together, in a public place. I had to leave to get our little one from school so told her so. She randomly said, "oh your ex" and then said dh's name and then she said "speak of the devil" as he came in the room and she walked off. I was shocked and wondered did I actually hear that? I told dh and he said "oh wow that's weird". I then had to leave. After I was really upset and kicking myself that I didn't say anything, it was so quick and out of the blue. I hate confrontation and am not very confident. When dh got home we discussed it, he said it was out of order and he was going to tell her today at the end as he didn't want it to be awkward at the event. I feel like if anyone says anything it should be me but also that its a bit late now after the event, I don't want to look like a crazy paranoid person as I think she will gloat and I don't want to give her any power. We all have to work together in about a month and now I'm dreading it. Should I keep quiet and not give her the satisfaction or say something? What would you do? Sorry for the long post, its my first post and I wanted to give detail. I feel nervous and pissed off and a bit of a coward (blush) (sad)

She's trying to wind you up, just ignore her. She'll eventually realise that she won't get anywhere with your husband and move on.
If you respond she'll try to make you out as the deranged jealous wife.

@Badtasteflump and @Jingsmahbucket yes thanks for explaining it so clearly!

The conversation went
Me: I need to go now to pick up my little one from school
Her: oh your ex, Dave
Me: huh?
Her: joking lol!..speak of the devil (as DH approached and she scuttles off)

She 100% knows we are together

I told DH straight away.
He was as perplexed as me.
I believe him.
I think she was playing mind games.

@Tigek it is not a petty marital squabble. I just wanted some sensible advice so I could put things in perspective. I thought that's kind of what Mumsnet was for. Like having a big group of friends who can give you guidance so you don't end up making a total arse of yourself in public?

Some people seem to willfully misunderstand so they can be mean

Reading your last comment and the dialogue OP, I think she’s playing mind games.
She’s trying to plant the seeds of doubt on yourself and your marriage. You’d feel insecure, you’d be the nagging wife while she’s be all nice to your DH. In her mind, it’s a failproof plan.
Ignore, have a united front and she’ll get bored.
Sounds borderline unhinged.

If you know someone in HR alert them by seeking advice on the strange behaviour of MS X what would they like you to do moving forwards for the benefit of company well being, whilst protecting yourselves.

PMSL. People on this thread are very funny.

I vote mind games too. Ignore her. And if she persists then go to HR.

Is she harassing your dh? In which case he is the one who should go to HR about that. Or if he doesn't want to go down an official complaint route now, he needs to make it black and white clear to her that he finds her behaviour unacceptable. Not sure that a dose of humiliation is what is needed but something is.

I just don't see that you can do the "Back off my man" routine (any more than your dh could if roles were reversed). It has to come from the person who is being harassed.

I don't see the problem with just saying next time you see her;

"Oh btw - I was a bit unsure if I heard you correctly and I'd asked DH and he was confused too, so thought I'd just mention - DH and I are definitely still in a loving marriage,"

And then make a wee joke like;

"Goodness, I think he would drop dead if he heard through the grapevine he had been chucked - poor man!"

Tinkly laugh.

See what she comes back with? Just be prepared for her to make up some bollocks, and swiftly assure her, again, he is absolutely a current and not an ex. No need to confront as such, just assert yourself.

She sounds batshit.

It all sounds a bit pathetic. Unless you feel threatened by her I would totally ignore it.

The conversation you quote makes no sense. You said you were leaving and she answered 'your ex oh speak of the devil' ( Bernard or whatever) and then he came in the room.
It sounds a bit like that game where you fold the piece of paper.
Are you quite quite sure she did not say 'You are exiting'.
As you had just said you were leaving.
Then she said 'speak of the devil' when she saw your husband.
That makes sense.
Also stop telling your husband she fancies him.
That is bad husband management.

Don't go to HR about it as some-one suggested, it would look very silly. I don't see why your husband should set her straight either tbh, what she thinks doesn't change anything about you, your husband or your marriage. If you trust him I'd ignore her as much as possible and tell DH to the same. If the chance comes up to correct her then fine, but otherwise I wouldn't give her another thought.

@ShowMeTheKittens (biscuit)

Dahlietta "Sorry, @CustardySergeant, I got lost in all the ins and outs"

Currently, I plan to forgive you on 29th March, but that date may be extended until June 30th.

But what happens if you can't forgive me by June 30th?! Will I be plunged into the abyss?

Sounds like her idea of a weird joke. I wouldn’t think about it too much.

It's up to her who she fancies and how she behaves.

If she wants to embarrass herself let her but don't get involved.

Are you quite quite sure she did not say 'You are exiting'.
As you had just said you were leaving.

That makes even less sense - unless she is a continuity announcer.

As a conversation that really really makes no sense. Are you sure that you didn’t say something along the lines of “when you next in?” Though that wouldn’t explain the “speak of the devil”. Or when is “Dave” next in.

Even as a mind game it doesn’t really make sense.

Obviously the above would depend on your dh’s name - for example that works with say “Tim” but not “George”. It just seems so weird to say apropos of nothing

I would like to point out that I don't have an issue with the whole fancying thing, people told me at work months ago that she likes him and it's not bothered me up to now. What I find so weird is the whole context of it. If you were at a work event with a supposedly professional colleague and you said, for example, I'm going to get a coffee and they muttered 'your mum's dead' and when you looked up they said 'joking' and walked off, wouldn't you be a bit spooned out? So all the people on here that are desperate to make out that I'm a shit/jealous/careerruining whatever, try if you possibly can to see it for the random weirdness that I think it is

Sounds like she is having a joke to me.

On Loose Women Janet Street Porter and Colleen Nolan often joke with Ruth Langsford about fancying her DH Eamonn Holmes. And that they are going to steal him from her. Sounds like the woman was just joking in a similar vein?

If she wasn't joking, it may well be that your DH has given her reason to say that.

Either way, this is not an HR matter. You would look like the odd one.

Say nothing but keep an eye out, on her and your DH.

What’s with the HR hate?

I suggested it because similar thing happened in my workplace, the woman in question played silly games like this and when he confronted her she went to HR and told them he’d been harrasing her and so much more. Poor bloke had done nothing wrong he was suspended whilst an investigation took place and it took months, they eventually figured out she was lying but by then the damage to his reputation and his mental health was done. He came back a totally different person, eventually quit and we’ve not heard from him since.

If he’d just told HR as in ‘hey nothing untoward is happening but for clarity and self preservation purposes is just like to let you know she’s being a bit odd and I think she has little (not reciprocated) crush on me maybe’ it very possibly could of all been avoided.

Dahlietta Of course you won't be plunged into the abyss. That would be a bit extreme. You'll just be taken into custardy. Very sticky.

This is a great thread in a barshit way
OP-
I’m not surprised you’re confused by what she said but ignore. Tell your DH to ignore to. If she is shit-stirring, then him having a private chat with her will give her more fuel for the fire. You and DH need to endure you’re not guilty of bringing ‘marriage drama’ into work, however unintentionally. So ignore ignore until if and when she does something clearer and more hostile. But make a note for yourself of what happened here just in case it escalates.

*batshit
*ensure