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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To confront woman who fancies my husband

196 replies

Pipsnips · 20/03/2019 12:12

Me and dh work at same place, me mostly from home, he from office. A woman at work who mostly works from home too is very flirtatious with dh and people at work have commented that she fancies him etc and he says he thinks she does too. Yesterday we were at a work event together, in a public place. I had to leave to get our little one from school so told her so. She randomly said, "oh your ex" and then said dh's name and then she said "speak of the devil" as he came in the room and she walked off. I was shocked and wondered did I actually hear that? I told dh and he said "oh wow that's weird". I then had to leave. After I was really upset and kicking myself that I didn't say anything, it was so quick and out of the blue. I hate confrontation and am not very confident. When dh got home we discussed it, he said it was out of order and he was going to tell her today at the end as he didn't want it to be awkward at the event. I feel like if anyone says anything it should be me but also that its a bit late now after the event, I don't want to look like a crazy paranoid person as I think she will gloat and I don't want to give her any power. We all have to work together in about a month and now I'm dreading it. Should I keep quiet and not give her the satisfaction or say something? What would you do? Sorry for the long post, its my first post and I wanted to give detail. I feel nervous and pissed off and a bit of a coward (blush) (sad)

OP posts:
Whocansay · 20/03/2019 14:25

Are you sure she just hasn't got a bit of an odd sense of humour? Maybe she thinks she's being funny? I just can't imagine someone being so blatant, if they actually had designs on your DH - and in a work situation - and with no encouragement.

You've said she generally seems nice - could she think it's somehow become an 'in' joke and doesn't really mean it?

Ariela · 20/03/2019 14:26

I think you both should ignore her. However your DH needs to make a note of her inappropriate behaviour to HR, just so it's on record. He should also be VERY careful to never be on his own with her. She could feel bitter that he is cold shouldering her and escalate this into something it's not.

LadyOfTheCanyon · 20/03/2019 14:29

@Badtasteflump

Of course there are bunny boilers out there, not suggesting otherwise. It's quite refreshing actually that people on this thread aren't jumping to the usual conclusion that OPs husband isn't a rotter.

How many threads do we see that start with " I trust my DH implicitly.." and end with "...and then I found a second phone in the boot of the car" or similar.?

CoraPirbright · 20/03/2019 14:30

I think that rising above it all is probably the best way to go but i note from your OP that her flirting is so overt that other people in the office have noticed and commented on it so, if in the future you do decide to mention it to HR/your line manager, I dont think that would be totally unreasonable.

CustardySergeant · 20/03/2019 14:33

Whocansay That was what I thought too. I think it was a joke based on the fact that she obviously fancies him and it was a tongue-in-cheek 'wishful thinking' type of thing. Difficult to explain but I know what I mean! Grin

Tigek · 20/03/2019 14:35

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Tigek · 20/03/2019 14:35

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Tigek · 20/03/2019 14:38

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Tigek · 20/03/2019 14:40

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JingsMahBucket · 20/03/2019 14:40

@Tigek your first post is exactly what happened.

AlexaAmbidextra · 20/03/2019 14:41

Think I better tell HR

Seriously? Do adults really do this? Run to HR over nothing? Bizarre.

Tigek · 20/03/2019 14:43

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cuppycakey · 20/03/2019 14:43

I am struggling to understand what happened too.

It sounds as though she has been told that you and DH have separated. By saying that to you she was trying to get confirmation that this was the case.

That's how it sounds to me anyway.

Tigek · 20/03/2019 14:44

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aids · 20/03/2019 14:47

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Badtasteflump · 20/03/2019 14:54

OP explain the exact conversation. Coherently.

Did you mean to be so rude?!

OP and her DH work for the same company - as does woman. OP mainly works from home, as does woman. DH works in office. Woman obviously fancies DH. They are all together at work event. When DH is out of earshot woman is talking to OP and refers to her DH as her 'ex'. Woman knows he is not OP's ex.

Since OP knows woman fancies her DH, she has taken it as a shitty remark.

Does that help?

JingsMahBucket · 20/03/2019 15:00

@Tigek the reason why it doesn’t make sense is because the “Linda” in your scenario really did make the comment out of the blue and that’s what threw the OP for a loop and shocked her. It was a nefarious joke against the OP and her DH’s marriage.

Tigek · 20/03/2019 15:04

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Springwalk · 20/03/2019 15:04

Dh should tell her to back off, he is married and the whole thing is embarrassing, he could also remind her that you are both considering speaking to HR.

Tigek · 20/03/2019 15:06

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Noisygirls · 20/03/2019 15:06

I work on hr and wouldn’t be particularly interested in this situation. No work boundaries have been crossed so far. It’s a personal matter. Hope you get it sorted out though.

Frenchmontana · 20/03/2019 15:08

Woman knows he is not OP's ex.

Does she?

Or is there a chance she has actually been told they have split or splitting?

Tigek · 20/03/2019 15:09

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Tigek · 20/03/2019 15:11

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ShirleyPhallus · 20/03/2019 15:12

@Lweji I’d go down the “ignore” route personally ;)

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