To choose a restaurant I want to go to for Mothering Sunday?

[IdaIdes]

I made a reservation for the 4 of us to go to a pub lunch for Mothering Sunday ages ago. DHs ex has asked if we can have the kids over that weekend as she's going somewhere which of course was a yes. But they won't eat a pub lunch. They will only eat out at pizza express or Nando's neither of which I'm terribly keen on going to for Mothering Sunday! DH thinks let them sulk at the table and we will feed them something else when we get home. So I guess my AIBU is that reasonable? Or should we just pack it in?

“ When our mothers were alive we did something on an adjacent weekend.”

Well why on earth would you do that?

They are 16 and 12. Leave them at home with a Tesco pizza? If they won’t eat it then it’s their problem.

@IdaIdes as pp has mentioned, I'd check with the pub that you can add on two extras especially if they aren't eating. We've had this issue before when an extra person wanted adding to our table and although they would eat with us they were refused as it was on one of these overpriced, moneygrabbing occasions and they wouldn't

OP I think it’s oerfectky acceptable to give the 16 year old the choice so by default the 12 year old too.

I’d get DH to position it as “you’re 16, you’re only a few years off being an adult so we would like you to join us for lunch but this is where we’re going. If you don’t feel you’ll be able to act like an almost adult then please say now”

Not surprised their mum doesn't want to be with them on mothers day!

I agree with Mimi. Giving them the choice doesn't encourage or enable their spoilt behaviour – what would be enabling is taking them along forcibly and then having them sit in public sulking and ruining the outing, or going somewhere they will deign to eat/cancelling the outing altogether.

Make it clear that THEY are causing the problem, not you and DH, and give them the chance to solve it.

Yes, leave them at home if they don't want to eat at your preferred place.
Order them take away pizza if you must. Or rather, your DH.
No point in spoiling your meal, even if your DH is happy with taking them and letting them sulk.

16 and 12? Time to tell them to grow the F up! - if they are going to spoil it leave them at home with some bread and jam.

Long term they need a kick up the bum, learn to do as they are told, behave in an appropriate manner, be more grateful and generally stop behaving like spoiled brats! From now on 16 year old can have pizza from sainsburys - if they want some overpriced takeaway they can fund it from their own allowance! how the hell have they been allowed to grow up like this?

OK, buy a lot of fruit, let them stay at home and eat it or come to the pub with good grace.

Any sign of sulking they are banished to the pub garden, or the car.

What on earth do your two think of eating endless pizza just because their half-siblings behave badly otherwise? They'll be copying them soon enough, just like the 12yo has copied the 16 yo now.

Let them go to bed hungry sometimes, stop pandering to them.

They go to the pub lunch and have something to eat with good grace. If they are brats and won't try it then they go hungry. If they try it but can't eat it all and are still hungry you get them a pizza on way home (but don't tell them this in advance).

Sol44
Thank you for the comment. We took them out for lunch either the weekend before or after to avoid the madness of the actual day. HTH

I think the idea of casually asking them if they fancy it whilst showing them the menu is ideal. If they say no there is nothing that they want then just breezily say ‘no problem, you can have an afternoon to yourselves’. No attention, no fuss.

I don’t think I’d want to go if there were two sulking teenagers refusing to eat sat round the table. So then staying at home is the best option, otherwise I’d probably reschedule. I don’t think that’s pandering to them as such because they’d ruin something you’ve been looking forward to.

Jesus Christ. Leave them at home with a bloody Pizza Express pizza from Tesco. Enjoy your Mothers Day OP your way!

Agree with vulpine

16 and 12?! Jeez. Let them sulk, and let them go hungry.

Hungry when you get home? You know where the cereal/bread is.

I just want to say that you sound like a really kind, thoughtful person.

Don’t change your booking. It’s one day. Either they come and eat off the menu or stay at home.

Could you phone the pub and ask if they’d do a pizza?

OP said early on that the options are limited. From that, I take it that it's a carvery.

I'd happily eat that at that age and now because those are the things I grew up eating. But I accept that many people would not - particularly these days when many people are not used to roast dinners.

People are entitled to have food likes and dislikes. These threads always bring out the twats who froth about entitled brats but if I ran through a list of foodstuffs I find entirely normal I bet many people would decline and some of them would react with a bratty teenagery 'Eww!'

At 12 and 16 they need to brace up and learn that not everything revolves around them. It'll be good for them to try something else and if they don't like it they can always fill up on bread.

Perhaps they'll enjoy the experience?

I thought toddlers too. Go to your choice, they are too old to be indulged like this.

limited, these kids' 'preferences' verge on the dictatorial. They will ONLY eat at Pizza Express or Nando's???

I can't imagine in a million years, in my childhood, trying to dictate to my parents where I would eat.

And I would never, as a child or now, even if I didn't like the food much, sit and sulk and ruin everyone else's experience.

They're ill-mannered. That's the problem, more than their food preferences.

Birdsgottafly the descriptors 'vinegary' and 'old' are fine with me if they fit. On this occasion I think they do, you and Worra may disagree, as is your wont.

I describe my mum with affection as a 'crafty old bat' - not least because she asked to try one of my clams in a Spanish restaurant and ended up polishing off the lot.

This is relevant to the thread because we should let people try things that are outside their comfort zone rather than forcing them or condemning them if they fail to live up to our expectations.

I hope to be a crafty old bat like my mum one day. Currently, I am just a middle aged one with big dreams.

I’m completely missing the point I know but I would avoid eating out anywhere on Mothers’ Day

Me too. Busy, overpriced and everyone else's kids everywhere. How is that a treat?

Well why on earth would you do that

Because it's then normal price, not busy and not full of other people's badly behaved children.