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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this shallow of me?

253 replies

Dollydust · 19/03/2019 11:22

Long time lurker, first post.
I've been speaking to a really lovely man for about 5 months now and we met for a first date last Saturday, met on a dating website so have been really cautious to try and get to know him as best I can over texts and phone calls before meeting. We actually really hit it off and he makes me laugh everyday.
So.... we met for a date last Saturday and I could see that he has barely any teeth, the top front ones are gone apart from one black/grey stubbly one at the front and the bottom ones have some missing with the rest being broken yellow/black stubbly ones, I tried not to make it obvious I was a bit taken aback and I feel awful for saying this but it was so off putting. I've obviously seen quite a few pictures of them but he they have all been with his mouth closed!
It's been a few days since the date and he's really keen for another quite soon but I just don't know if I can get past this teeth issue, is this really shallow of me? I do feel absolutely awful as he's a really lovely person and after 5 months of regular phone calls and texts before meeting we had obviously grown quite fond of each other and had met with the potential of beginning a relationship.

OP posts:
Hohofortherobbers · 20/03/2019 20:47

You need to ask about the teeth. Is it possible this is that odd fluoride issue some people have where their teeth get really stained? Or are we talking rotting stumps?
He must know, otherwise he'd have smiled with an open mouth in the pics. You have a text/tel relationship, ask over text, say you noticed and ask if he's got dental work planned?
The alternative is brushing him off, maybe he has an appt with daewood and tanner booked alreadyGrin

Dotty1970 · 20/03/2019 20:56

Oh dear, it is a real shame considering you've 'hit it off' as such but I know I couldn't get past the teeth issue, I really couldn't so in my opinion your definitely nbu.
He may have even been a contestant on Jeremy Kyle for all you knowWink

AhoyDelBoy · 20/03/2019 21:09

@cms1972
Shock
Jeepers how awful! Lucky escape!

Crossfitgirl · 20/03/2019 21:26

@dollydust what was the outcome? Xx

Sheldonsaysbazinga · 20/03/2019 21:50

Next date, ask him to say "the mystic stick"
#missespointcompletely

DarklyDreamingDexter · 20/03/2019 22:00

No, not shallow. Bad teeth would be an absolute no-no for me. I couldn't find anyone with bad teeth attractive and I would definitely judge them for bad oral hygiene. As for kissing them, uggghh! No!

Chocmallows · 20/03/2019 22:01

Any updates?

00kitty · 20/03/2019 22:08

He could be the one though! Agree the teeth would be a total turn off but nothing that can't be fixed - spend a weekend in an Eastern European city getting them fixed! I'd like to think I'd be straight up and mention it but probably a really sensitive issue for him

64sNewName · 20/03/2019 22:13

I knew someone with teeth like this in my 20s. Lovely guy but poor dental care in childhood, leading to massive dentist phobia etc. It really was not his fault but it had a big impact on how people perceived him.

Bumped into him a decade on and he’d had implants or something and he was actually really gorgeous. It’s amazing what a huge impact teeth have.

Anyway, pointless anecdote but no you aren’t shallow OP.

expat101 · 20/03/2019 22:21

No, you are not shallow if you continue on romantically, your tongue is going in there at some point!

QOD · 20/03/2019 22:29

I’m tending to think the ex drug abuse thing is more likely. And it’s be a deal breaker for
Me

CountessWindyBottom · 20/03/2019 22:31

I would have a major issue with this. Did you ask him about his teeth, or lack thereof, when he called you OP?

JocastaElastic · 20/03/2019 22:33

Maybe you are shallow, but who ever said sexual attraction was deep? You seem to be overthinking things. Either you want to kiss him, or you don’t. And if you don’t want to, then don’t.

justrestinginmybankaccount · 20/03/2019 23:36

OP when you said about his slight lisp and his tongue poking out the front at the gap ... i actually can’t stop laughing at that description and I’m picturing you trying not to stare ... oh thank you for giving me an actual belly laugh I really needed one. Oh shit I’m off again laughing....

Also you’ve reminded me of a game we played in university. Whose mouth would you rather suck, Shane Magowan’s or ..... the object being is it possible to find someone even worse... Grin

Ahh the good old days.

Tessabelle74 · 21/03/2019 00:17

Not shallow, I'd feel the same but if you really like him, maybe broach the subject, he could be ultra terrified of the dentist and maybe you asking may help him to get help

motherheroic · 21/03/2019 00:39

This is why ideally you want to meet within a week or two of talking and then build from there. Instead you've put all this time into this guy before meeting him and he doesn't live up to your expectations.

Eslteacher06 · 21/03/2019 00:50

Yeah...I did something similar- spoke a lot over 2 months but when we met he reminded me of Austin Powers/ Alan Partridge so the rose tinted glasses came right off! 'Yeah baby' shudders Then I noticed other mannerisms that were off-putting too.

It was the most awkward conversation ever but I told him there was no spark.

After that, I met guys for a quick coffee after speaking for a week and did a quick exit stage left if I wasn't interested. Online dating can be ruthless but I took it as getting out there and meeting people rather than finding 'the one'.

Eslteacher06 · 21/03/2019 00:53

In other words.... you're not being shallow and it's best to nip it in the bud quick :)

julesmumoftwins · 21/03/2019 08:31

Omg!!! This happened to me on two different dates with two different men and one after the other!! I couldn’t stay longer than was polite and didn’t contact them again!!
Now I try and arrange to see someone fairly quickly 😂

lmusic87 · 21/03/2019 08:36

What did he say OP?

hellsbellsmelons · 21/03/2019 09:24

Waiting on an update OP!?
This happened to me many years ago.
He was lovely.
I told him and he went and got them sorted - bless him.
But it has put me off way too much by then.
I was a dental nurse at the time.
Bad teeth are a massive thing for me.
If there are profile pics with no teeth showing, it's a swipe left from me.

Original poster
Dollydust · 21/03/2019 10:34

Sorry for the late update.
I spoke with him, he said he had lots of dental issues in his childhood and teens due to his circumstances surrounding his upbringing, he said he stupidly left them to get worse during adulthood, he's seen a dentist and they've told him they'll have to remove all the rest of his remaining teeth and be fitted with dentures, he hasn't done this yet as he's nervous about the procedure. He did want to tell me about his teeth but the longer he left it he said he didn't want to tell me incase I stopped speaking to him. I've told him I'd support him getting his teeth done and be there if he needs me (I'll drag him there if I have to).

OP posts:
lmusic87 · 21/03/2019 10:53

Okay, that's good to know.

Are you still interested in him?

hellsbellsmelons · 21/03/2019 10:55

Dentures at 40!?
Poor bloke.
But they will look a hell of a lot better than what he has so get him there ASAP.
Well done on talking to him about it all.
Hopefully it will be the kick he needs.
If he's having a lot of work done on removal then he will probably have a GA so he's nothing to worry about.

Sheldonsaysbazinga · 21/03/2019 11:05

Kudos to you OP. I hope it works out for both of you

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