To think this woman was a cow?

[upsideyerelephant]

Just got back from Sainsbos and not happy.

My DS is right in the throes of the terrible twos. He's a normal toddler.

Anyway, I'd let him get out of the buggy and walk alongside for a bit. He then has meltdown over my refusal to let him climb into the freezer. Full on screaming, kicking, the lot. I pick him up and try to get him back in the buggy. At this point, I'm being kicked, bitten you name it. I'm doing my best but I was mainly focusing on stopping him from hurting himself.

Meanwhile I'm dimly aware that someone is standing beside me and has said something. I'm being screamed at by DS so didn't hear or answer.

This woman then shouts (after a wait of about three seconds)

"How am I supposed to get past, here?! Will you move!"

I then drag my still screaming DS across the aisle and she barges past, shoving my buggy into me with her trolly in the process.

She stomps off glaring at me.

I may have told her to grow up...

It was literally a three second wait. I wouldn't mind but she had a toddler in the trolley, who was of course being as good as gold.

AIBU to think she could've waited? I don't see what on earth I could've done?

'How can children learn to walk around a supermarket nicely if they never get a chance?'
As I've never seen an adult try to climb inside a freezer (unless vaire vaire drunk), I think they all learn to manage regardless of whether they are specifically taught.

Yes, but as the OP says, supermarkets are full to the brim of distractions for small children, which are impossible to replicate elsewhere, certainly not via a walk by a river. The only way for children to learn to behave in that environment is by exposing them to it.

Oh it's something about supermarkets. My Dd1 never tantrumed, ever. Until we hit Sainsbury's then she turned into a monster. Dd2 well the less said the better. People need to show some consideration for others (not even just to parents of epic meltdown toddlers, but to everyone who might be having a problem)

I disagree, I think a lot of things are just best avoided where at all possible (not always possible of course) with toddlers; supermarkets, posh restaurants, airplanes. Somehow, by the time they're 4ish, they're fine in all these situations irrespective of whether they've been exposed to them or not.

I have three children. #1 and #2 didn't tantrum. They are far from docile, but just didn't tantrum per se.

Then 6 years later #3 came along. A placid baby, and now at 18 months a terror. He will actually try to lie down and cry while rolling around if he doesn't get what he wants. So not as extreme as many but a new one on me. 😂

Needless to say I have patented them all the same so far...he's just a different character. 🤷 I tend to head it off at the pass by picking him up, talking quietly to him etc. But at 18 months he's quite portable, at 3 it will be harder so hopefully he will have grown out of it by then.

I don't see the OP saying anywhere that she lets this go on etc. Surely by picking him up and trying to wrestle him into the pushchair she was doing exactly what all the supermummies on here were advocating and 'not standing for it'?

For all those who claim their children have never done this or that ...don't kid yourself (or do but shut up about it ) it's luck pure and simple

Yes you can avoid supermarkets ,or train stations or the sodding flower market but it's not realistic.

It doesn't matter how strict you are most kids will kick against it and have a tantrum at some point ...and do you know why? Because it's normal. Read up on some child development ,they are supposed to have tantrums to test adult responses and reward / behaviour ratios.

If your DC didn't you quite simply got lucky (I also in most cases don't believe it ...its borderline delusional ,I am guessing that it happened at some point but you feel as a one off it doesn't count....yes ...it ...does)

Ultimately though there are few things lower than another parent using a mum's stressful moment to make yourselves feel better by claiming superior abilities.

It says far far more about someone that they choose this issues to be superior on

OP it's rotten and the woman was rude , it's little comfort but I do always wonder what her stuff was going on that she thought it was ok to be like that...she must be distressed or angry at the world or upset...she was incredibly rude but blimey be grateful you don't have to be her.

Hmmmm I'm in the minority!!

OP YANBU she was a cow. I would have shouted much worse back at her (and have done)

But... Biting isn't acceptable, ever. You don't want him biting anyone. I would be very strict on that.

As for what to do with tantrums, personally I do the following

1. Give food - open a pack of fruit, let them have a biscuit and pay for it at the end (I think MN is divided on this though!)
2. Home delivery!

Hope your day gets better op. I had someone be rude to me today and it's really spoilt my day! It says much more about the other person than it does about you

As someone who's actually tested it, you can have a toddler who will walk perfectly nicely along rivers - DD is very cautious. However this definitely doesn't translate into not having tantrums, in the supermarket or elsewhere. Just to warn any who might be tempted to try the 'get them to walk nicely by rivers' technique.

Why are people assuming that OP isn't strict on biting etc?

Op two words home delivery! My kids fair okay in shops but I just can’t really be arsed to go with them after a week of work. I’ve had some right tantrums in public though, carried my niece over my shoulder for a Morrison’s shop way back when (she’s nearly a teenager now) and I’ve rugby ball held my son, he’s 7 and still has tantrums. I’m not a perfect parent so maybe it is me but probably not. At least now my kids are old enough for me to just wander off and they soon panic and follow me- my good parenting advice there

Yes, I never shopped with the older ones if I could avoid it. They weren't badly behaved or whatever but found it hugely exciting. I get stressed enough in the supermarket (complete sensory overload) that them added in would just about finish me off!

Restaurants etc we were always fine with. Assume that they are motivated by food 😁

Give food - open a pack of fruit, let them have a biscuit and pay for it at the end (I think MN is divided on this though! I opened the packet of balloon and blew one up before I paid for it. Is that better or worse than food??

Must admit, I am not a fan of kids in supermarkets especially unrestrained. I do shop after 7pm but there are countless number of times I have nearly whacked a wayward child with a really heavy trolley as they can be hard to stop quickly when full. (Not to mention the screaming after you have just finished a long day and just want peace but still have the shopping to do)

speaking as a ex-childminder who has looked after (over a few decades :) & not all at the same time!) different dc different behaviour I would say that disorganised mum is either an amnesiac, a liar, a troll, or extremely lucky, or the kind of mum who frightens her dc to death so they don't dare breath wrong. At sometime many if not most dc have melt downs - sometimes you are lucky & can control them, or get them to calm down, others you cant & its mostly down to them being tired or bored or wanting something, But I would also remind disorganised mum that some dc may have issues be it temporary - like ear infections you didn't know about - or because they have disability like asd etc & yes I know that not every dc with asd does this! - so I think it is very arrogant to judge another mother or her dc without knowing the circumstances - so go tell me I don't know what I am talking about - I dare you -

I’ve had some right tantrums in public you really should stop at your age

Sleeping worse than food, much worse! Because they can BANG!!!!

Nah, I don't love him enough to blow it up fully.

I've very rarely been annoyed about other people's kids in supermarkets.

ps meant to say looked after over 50 dc over the years (as stated not at same time :)) & I do have qualifications in childcare & development & later on psychology (including child development)

The other woman was a cow, no doubt.
However, a year old biting and kicking is extreme - you need to intervene there! Tantrums are fairly normal, throwing on the floor etc annoying but they are toddlers. But biting and kicking parents ...

Oh OP, I feel your pain. My 22 month old can have the most hideous tantrums. Two weeks ago in Aldi.... Was the worst. We forgot the £1 coin so had to walk round Aldi.... he wanted to hold the basket. It was too heavy, so he threw himself on the floor and screamed and screamed. Aside from physically abusing him, how do I stop that? I ended up managing to distract him but would love to know the magic tricks some posters on here are claiming. Op that woman was a cow. Now pour yourself a large glass of wine.

My eldest DD was the most beautifully well behaved child in the world! I was so so smug!
I thought at 21, I had cracked parrnting! GF, supernanny please step aside IPut is ruling the world now! My DD never tantrummed let alone in public! I would walk through supermarkets, DD holding a list helping me search for groceries on the shelves!
Yep, I was that Mum!
6 years later my precious DD2 was born! Loving life! Baby number 2 just as easy!
2 kids, zero tantrums! Life was a dream!
Then 2 years later DD 3 came along! Yep, she taught me a lesson or 2! Smugness flew straight out the window sticking its 2 fingers up right at me!
DD3 is not naughty as such, but my god at 3 years old she can hold her own when it comes to refusing to do something she doesn't want to do!
I did nothing different in my parenting, why should I, the first 2 were such dreams!

It is not down to the parenting when it comes ti tantrums, it is down to the child! It is up to the parent how they deal with tantrums, the problems come when the parent constantly gives in to the tantrum! However, you can't judge that on one little snippet on mumsnet!

Lack of tantrums isn't always a good thing. My DM remembers that my DB was very malleable as a toddler and at the time she thought it was wonderful and a sign of good parenting. Then she had me, followed by my DSis and we were the exact opposite.

In actual fact, my DB ended up with serious MH issues and an ASD diagnosis. He hasn't held down a job in 30 years and he's barely able to function.

Okay, there are other reasons for the way he is, especially the fact that he went through childhood abuse. But so did DSis and I, but we've turned it round.

A strong will is a good thing in a young child.

My special needs son had a stretch of extreme behavior severe enough to make me wonder if he would need to go into a residential facility because he was fighting me to do basics like getting into the car, strapping his seat belt,shopping for basics at Target like tampons and toilet paper-his very worst one in Target was so loud and humiliating for me the assistant manager opened up a checkout for me and walked us out and put my purchases in my vehicle-had anyone said anything shitty like that woman did to you OP I truly don't know how I would've responded! You didn't deserve judgement or abuse like she gave you! ( I was once bitten by my toddler son as well)
Those of you commenting that your children never had tantrums just count yourselves fortunate

@Lizzie48 yes, strong will is a good thing...but ssshhhh don't tell my youngest this!
I have to say my 5 year old fell asleep on sofa before bed. It was my youngest DDs bedtime, she didn't agree! She had a full blown tantrum almost silently! I had to feel a little bit of pride as she was kicking out (not to kick me just in general ) and whispering 'no no bedtime' she may have been in a foul mood but she respected that her big sister was asleep and quietly kicked off so she didn't wake her!
Tantrum with respect...I call that a Mummy win