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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman was a cow?

357 replies

upsideyerelephant · 18/03/2019 14:21

Just got back from Sainsbos and not happy.

My DS is right in the throes of the terrible twos. He's a normal toddler.

Anyway, I'd let him get out of the buggy and walk alongside for a bit. He then has meltdown over my refusal to let him climb into the freezer. Full on screaming, kicking, the lot. I pick him up and try to get him back in the buggy. At this point, I'm being kicked, bitten you name it. I'm doing my best but I was mainly focusing on stopping him from hurting himself.

Meanwhile I'm dimly aware that someone is standing beside me and has said something. I'm being screamed at by DS so didn't hear or answer.

This woman then shouts (after a wait of about three seconds)

"How am I supposed to get past, here?! Will you move!"

I then drag my still screaming DS across the aisle and she barges past, shoving my buggy into me with her trolly in the process.

She stomps off glaring at me.

I may have told her to grow up...

It was literally a three second wait. I wouldn't mind but she had a toddler in the trolley, who was of course being as good as gold.

AIBU to think she could've waited? I don't see what on earth I could've done?

OP posts:
user1496701154 · 18/03/2019 17:36

Sorry had to chuckle at kid wanted to be in the frezze part. Yes she's a total cow I feel for you kids have taturms at the silliest things it's very hard when your on your own as well with no help

thedisorganisedmum · 18/03/2019 17:36

says your kid falling into a river and drowning because they haven't mastered nice walking is preferable to a momentary inconvenience for someone else in a supermarket!!

yes, that's exactly what the poster said! Hmm

If you feel that secure in your parenting choice, why are you so defensive and aggressive against others who chose to parent differently?

Biancadelrioisback · 18/03/2019 17:36

@Belenus can I borrow you when I do my weekly shop? I'll buy you a pastry?

Lizzie48 · 18/03/2019 17:42

I stand by my earlier post, parents being either proud of their little darlings expressing their feelings
or pretending that nothing could possibly work on their precious child because they are so special.

Believe me, a parent with a tantrumming toddler is not 'proud of their toddler expressing their feelings', what complete rot! Thankfully, I didn't have to cope with that so much in supermarkets (DD1 saves her worst behaviour for when she's at home, as I said earlier).

But the times when my DDs did throw tantrums in public, I wanted the ground to open up and swallow us. It's horribly embarrassing, especially with smug parents like yourself around.

thedisorganisedmum · 18/03/2019 17:42

the classiest way ever to deal with a toddler tantrum

arethereanyleftatall · 18/03/2019 17:44

How is it smug or superior to say 'my child never tantrummed' if it's factually correct? How else is the poster supposed to write it? Are only posters whose children do tantrum allowed to contribute to these threads?
The ganging up on thedisorganisedmum on this thread has been really unfair, although she's handled it fine.

Original poster
upsideyerelephant · 18/03/2019 17:45

@thedisorganisedmum

But you don't 'parent differently', do you? You don't have kids. If you did, you'd tell us how you would've dealt with situation.

A. Let him play in freezer
B. Never let him out of the buggy until he's at least 18
C. Abandoned the food and had one slightly out of date chicken keiv and half a pint of milk for tea, between four.

Which is it?

OP posts:
Huskylover1 · 18/03/2019 17:46

No way would a child be biting and kicking me, without some consequences that were not forgotten in a hurry.

Whilst I'm sure that tantrums can be down to personality etc, I also believe that the parenting style can 100% affect a child's behaviour.

My two never had tantrum's, so I do feel lucky. My nephew however, has regular meltdowns in front if his parents, who struggle to control him. When he is being babysat by my parents, he never ever has a tantrum, because my Mum just will not tolerate it. They are not unkind, they just never reacted (when he previously tried), and he has learned that it just doesn't have any effect with them.

Lizzie48 · 18/03/2019 17:47

@arethereanyleftatall No it's not smug to say your child never had tantrums, some children don't. The smugness comes when these parents judge other parents who are not so fortunate.

TitusAndromedom · 18/03/2019 17:47

arethereany, the issue isn’t that someone claims their child has never had a tantrum. It’s that thedisorganisedmum claims that’s all down to her superior, and not just the luck of the draw.

TitusAndromedom · 18/03/2019 17:48

Sorry, superior parenting

Original poster
upsideyerelephant · 18/03/2019 17:48

Ha ha ha!

That wasn't a tantrum.

That child is also tiny. Mine is huge. People think he's starting school next year and he's just turned two.

OP posts:
TitusAndromedom · 18/03/2019 17:52

Huskylover, what would those consequences be? I’m genuinely asking. My children don’t seem to mind having a toy taken away, and it wouldn’t be meaningful in that scenario anyway because I couldn’t follow through immediately. We don’t tend to buy treats in the shop, so it’s not like I could put one of those back. I also find it tricky because they are twins, so if I give one a consequence it often means the other would suffer as well. I tend to find myself at a loss when I want to say, ‘Stop that behaviour or...’ because I don’t know what the ‘or’ would be. I try to avoid that approach as a result.

lisamac28 · 18/03/2019 17:54

How is it smug or superior to say 'my child never tantrummed' if it's factually correct?

Because it's not relevant to the thread. The thread is about a child who did have a tantrum.

thedisorganisedmum · 18/03/2019 17:54

upsideyerelephant

Whatever I say, you either won't believe me, say it doesn't work with yours, or that there's a smell of illegal substance in the air.

Ha ha ha!
That wasn't a tantrum.

ok then... Confused

DoomOnTheBroom · 18/03/2019 17:57

If you feel that secure in your parenting choice, why are you so defensive and aggressive against others who chose to parent differently?

Oh I would never judge someone else's parenting choices, down at the core of it we're all just making the decisions we believe are best and hoping we don't fuck it up too badly.

What I don't tolerate is people using their parenting choices to try and make others feel bad about their own.

Original poster
upsideyerelephant · 18/03/2019 17:57

You haven't said anything though. That's the point!

OP posts:
Huskylover1 · 18/03/2019 17:58

Hugely unpopular, but I would shout at them and rough handle them in to the buggy, with a face like fucking thunder. IMO, they need to be a little bit afraid of your reaction/the consequences, if they kick off. As I say, not a popular opinion, as no one seems to think you can tell kids off anymore, without stifling their creativity, or some such bullshit. Parents need to toughen up and tighten the boundaries.

arethereanyleftatall · 18/03/2019 17:59

I agree with husky.
Whether a toddler has tantrums or not in the first place is down to personality/luck. Whether a toddler has repeated tantrums after the first one is a consequence of how it's handled.

Jerri907 · 18/03/2019 18:01

Why were you letting your child walk round a supermarket? It's not a playground, and he was bound to get in peoples way. Why not make him go in the buggy the entire time?

Original poster
upsideyerelephant · 18/03/2019 18:05

How can children learn to walk nicely round the supermarket if they never get the chance?

It's different to other environments because it's very distractingly, lots of people, stuff, carefully crafted advert designed to attract your attention.

Most of the time DS is fine. On this one occasion he wasn't- consequence was going back in the buggy.

OP posts:
TitusAndromedom · 18/03/2019 18:08

Ah, I see. Well, I’ve certainly strong-armed my children into a pushchair before, but unfortunately have just found shouting to make the situation worse as they end up wailing even more. I certainly don’t have a problem with telling my children off; in fact, I do it most days. I think I have pretty strict boundaries, but I would prefer not to shout and manhandle where possible. Never mind. Useful to get a different perspective.

Huskylover1 · 18/03/2019 18:09

People think he's starting school next year and he's just turned two

I find this really hard to believe, tbh. But if he is big for his age, this will affect how people react to any bad behaviour. You would expect far less from a 2 year old, than a 5 year old!

sagradafamiliar · 18/03/2019 18:09

Imagine being so very disorganised that you don't know the difference between parenting and made-up internet parenting 😂
When youngest has a tantrum I stand there, tell him to carry on then do precisely nothing as long as he isn't injuring himself or a hazard to others. No use engaging with him, he soon snaps out of it when he realises he's wasting his energy. I couldn't give a fuck if no one thinks he's 'cute' or that I look 'smug'. I wouldn't dream of picking him up and leaving- way to teach a child how to get a reaction or what to do if they want to go home.

SleepingStandingUp · 18/03/2019 18:11

If you feel that secure in your parenting choice, why are you so defensive and aggressive against others who chose to parent differently?

Firstly I haven't commented in my parenting and secondly there's nothing aggressive about being bemused that someone would advocate practice safe walking beside a river!! Mine walks great generally, loves holding my hand but he's not being unhandheld by a river for a good few years yet!!
I avoid intheway tantrums generally by keeping him in his pushchair but sure I had a fair number of tuts when I sat in the middle of the aisle and gave stropping DS a cuddle and a chat

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