DH’s friend sleeping in my bed...

[BuffetLurker]

Not sure if I am BU.

Was away for the weekend. DH had some friends over.

One of them (male) slept in our bed, with him. We have other places to sleep.

He thinks I’m being wildly unreasonable, but I’m quite pissed off - I’d like to think our bedroom is a private space, let alone our actual bed...!

He also didn’t tell me, I found out by accident - he wasn’t going to share this information!

AIBU?

Are they called Bert and Ernie?

Seriously though, gross invasion of privacy, I would be furious.

But yes, you really do need to let us know how you found this out by accident? For example, if you had found, say ginger pubes and your DH has brown hair? I think I'd be if the response was "oh yeah, they're Ernie's Paul's"....

PS no offence to ginger haired people, red pubes sounded a bit odd.

I don't think I'd like that tbh. There's an ick factor I can't articulate further than - urgh snoring and drewling all over my pillows...

Tell us about the other beds that were available.

I can't believe some mumsnetters are cool with this. I'd be really suspicious.

Did he have sex with your partner? If not, chill out.

This isn't a gay thing surely, it's just a boundaries thing. My DH would not let another man sleep in my space, he knows I would hate it.

That is really weird, male or female I would find it strange as there was a guest bedroom. Cant believe that anybody would think this is ok tbh. If there was nowhere else but the floor, then maybe, but seriously?

I’m not suggesting anything inappropriate happened. But the way some people on this thread are competing to normalise this ... it’s just uncomfortable. Maybe it’s to do with the recent documentary on another subject that’s in the forefront of my thoughts, but I cannot help but note ... this feels like the same way people shouted you down a couple of decades ago when you thought a grown man and an unrelated child shouldn’t be sharing a bed together when there were plenty of other beds available.

What?

I mean, I do think it's highly unusual for two heterosexual blokes to push past the quite restrictive ways men are taught to operate around one another and hop into the same bed for convenience but it's in no way similar, in any way, to analogies about MJ and paedophilia.

I don't think it's an invasion of privacy. Do none of your friends ever go in your bedroom? Because mine come in mine all the time? Obviously with me

I have also shared a bed with lots of my friends over the years.

Just change the sheets Again plenty of people have slept in my bed over the years, like my parents, my grandma, friends because we didn't have a spare so I let guests stay in my bed often whilst I took the sofa or of they were friends we would share.

It is a bit odd to do it when there are ready made beds available but maybe they just passed out

Eew, men leak mysterious yellow fluid where they sleep, (like slugs!).

No

Weird AF. And why the fuck should the OP change the sheets?

Some people consider bedrooms to be private space others dont. If the OP's DH knew that the space was private for OP then he should have not shared the bed with his friend.

Yes, it is also his space but this is shared space between OP & DH. This is not like saying a friend couldnt come into a reception room which would be unreasonable. This was the OP's view that bedroom space is private.

This sounds like a dh problem to me. Surely he knew you'd have been unhappy with the situation especially if he didn't mention it to you in passing. If I'm a guest who's been invited to stay I'd be waiting to be told where I'm sleeping. I'm not just deciding I'm sleeping in my hosts bed.

this feels like the same way people shouted you down a couple of decades ago when you thought a grown man and an unrelated child shouldn’t be sharing a bed together when there were plenty of other beds available

You may think two men sharing a bed is strange, that's your opinion. But in absolutely no way is it similar to a grown man sharing a bed with a child....what a bizarre comparison.

I shared a bed with one of my best friends at the weekend. Do you think I’m gay? (I can assure you I’m not- we chatted and went to sleep). Why is it different for men to do this?

Would you also question their sexuality if they were sharing a tent? They probably have the same amount of space in a double bed as they’d have in some tent bedrooms. Or is that ok because they’d be in sleeping bags rather than under a shared duvet?

I wouldn't find it weird if there were no other beds available

I get why you’re upset about this OP.

I recently went away overnight with DH and came home to find DD and a mate in our bed and it really pissed me off although I found it hard to articulate why. It didn’t bother DH at all.

It seemed disrespectful, as though nowhere in the house is ‘ours’.

I wouldn't find it weird if there were no other beds available

OP says there were other places available.

I understand completely, OP, I wouldn't want someone sleeping in my side of the bed. either. And I'd want to know from my DH why it happened.

Ugh I don't share a bed with anyone so I would never do it (and only share a room if all other options have been exhausted), However, other people sleeping in my bed doesn't particularly bother me if I'm not there.

But my friends and family think nothing of bunking up together for a natter/tv fest etc or after they have been out and stay over at each other's.

Don't think dh would be comfortable with it now but I'm pretty sure him and his mates crashed in the same/bed room when they were younger after a night out.

I agree with you OP. Especially as there were other made up beds.

YANBU

Wouldn't bother me.

I would think it’s odd. How did you find out?

How can anyone say what most hetro men would or wouldn't do? Have you asked them all? Or are you making an assumption from the small pool of men you know?

How can anyone say what most hetro men would or wouldn't do? Have you asked them all?

Yes. I do. I go out with a clipboard and keep a tally

Similarly, how can you say that most hetero men would sleep in the same bed together, even when there is another bed available in the house, how big is your tally chart or are you basing this on the small number of men you know?

That was my point LittlePaintBox