Calling the police but are we doing the right thing.

[Mumofgirls3]

Firstly this isn’t a “I think something bad has happened but I’ll ask MN first before we act”. We have tried to get through to the correct police 3 times now but they have us on hold for so long it keeps cutting us off so we are going to try again later in the hope that it’s a little less busy.

My DD (12) was out playing earlier with her DD (10) and DF.

We live is quite a quiet village (think only a post office/local shop and cattle grids) however there are a mixture of newer and older small estates.

The girls were playing with a toy which had landed up in a back garden just out of our estate and my DD being the eldest had politely (according to her) gone to the door go ask for it back. The other two girls has stayed, not intentionally, round the corner, and therefore out of sight.

My DD has rung the bell and it had in her words been opened by an elderly gentleman (we have pushed this and she had said ages with my DF, who is only mid 60’s)

There is access to the back garden via the side of the house but man had asked my DD to step inside, my DD has now said she felt uncomfortable doing so however, I think didn’t feel too uncomfortable being only a few ft from home (we can see the house from our bedroom window) and has gone inside. Obviously this is something we now need to talk about, and I am quite disappointed at age 12 she thought this was an ok thing to do.

The man had then reached behind he’d and locked the door and asked her to step into the living room as he was watching something on TV and didn’t want to miss it.

DD can’t remember at this point if man had said the program he was watching had pretty in the title or he had said she was pretty but she is sure she heard that word.

DD’s instincts I think kicked in at that point as she made the sensible move to mention her parents were outside and she should probably make sure they knew where she was. The man seemed a little taken aback, agreed, unlocked the door as DD ran back to the other 2.

The man had then (I think) must have seen my eldest DD from another window and whistled her back and again seemed taken aback that she was with friends but invited all 3 girls back into the back garden to find the toy. At this point both my DD’s agree that man acted weird. “Oh it’s only your friends your with” and a lot of watching/smiling etc. Both girls have now commented he acted in an odd enough way to make them feel uneasy.

Writing it down, I can’t believe I’m 2nd guessing myself, and we adefinitely are going to get incontact with the police but I guess I would just like someone to reassure me we are doing the right thing.

Absolutely right to report. If it’s all innocent, nothing will come if it, but if there’s something sinister going on (eg sex offender) he could well have committed an offence by inviting her in.

I would have thought it was a decoy for a burglary, who knows who could have been around the corner

@NannyRed

I’m taking be the fact that you have misquoted me and then in turn put words into my mouth that you aren’t actually reading post properly?!

I think it’s hugely concerning that he invited my 12 year old DD into his house, locked a door and then asked her to walk even further again into his living room, especially when there was a direct route via his back garden to where the toy was!

My daughter, who did the right thing, in my eyes, by politely apologising and asking for her toy back has though when he agreed, was leading her to the garden, it wasn’t until she actually got inside and he had locked the four and asked her to step into his living room had realised her mistake!

My concern was definitely not about wasting police time!!

It won't do any harm to report it to the police.

It may have been harmless. It may not. They will be in a position to look at the bigger picture and decide.

I do lock my front door after people, including people who come to read the meter etc, as otherwise it's open for anyone else to pop in. It's never occurred to me that it's creepy, and anyone who wanted to walk out again could just turn the lock and open the door. But I can see that the power dynamic of an adult man doing that after a pre-teen girls walks in is a little different.

If it was me as a few other pp's have said, I'd be straight round to his house under the pretext of something else either to retrieve the toy if they didn't get it or to "apologise" about their disturbing him and introduce myself as a neighbour, probably would bring my husband with me. Just make it blatant throughout the conversation that your daughters told you all about what took place and try to gauge his reaction, also gives you a chance to see for yourself his build, mobility etc. Although you say he's just early 60's as is your DF, he could still have early onset dementia and therefore would be acting in a strange way. There are many possibilities in this but I'd be straight over there to find out more for myself if I'm honest.

This isn't how a predatory pedophile works. They don't lie in wait hoping a neighbour's daughter will randomly pop by. You DD approached him, not the other way around.

I think you're over reacting and there is harm if you report an innocent man for doing nothing whatsoever and no one is considering how an officer getting in touch with him might make him feel.

Seems you only have to be male and over 30 to be a 'risk'.

He locked a 12-year-old girl in his house. I can't believe how many people are minimising his behaviour.

Most people I know lock their door when they go into their house - especially elderly people. He might well be worried that he was being set up to be burgled. I don't think there's any particular harm in reporting it on the off chance it forms part of a larger picture but you can't condemn the guy on the basis of what's been written here.

*he may have breached conditions placed on him”

To all PP's saying he might have thought she was a gang distraction etc etc, why didn't he then say "yes I'll go fetch toy", leave the child outside at the front door, shut and lock his door, go retrieve toy, then throw it over the side? Surely that would make more sense if that was his worry?
I just find it so odd how he brought her in, locked the door and then brought her into his living room.

Why did she go on her own to the door and why did the other girls stay out of sight, surely if it was a strangers house they would all go to the door.

You say you can can see the house from your bedroom window.

If so, you and your DH should call to his house. Introduce yourselves as the children's parents, apologise for the kids disturbing him, assure him that the incident will not reoccur and thanking him for returning the toy.

This is the best advice I think. It's odd, but could be entirely harmless... And you can check him out for yourselves.

I'm trying to think what I would have done as the old man in the circumstances (being an old woman). I wouldn't have invited a child in no, as it would frighten them. I'd simply have gone, retrieved the ball and handed it to them. So yes, to me, someone who is not a risk whatsoever, this would not be how you'd deal with this. I think you're right to have spidey senses going off all over the shop.

I think you have done the right thing. When something happened with my daughter we reported it and found something similar had happened with another child.

Doesn’t everyone make sure their front door is always locked? I wouldn’t feel right leaving mine unlocked even for 5 minutes. I’d be interested in what the police say. I can’t imagine them coming round with flashing lights.

No crime was committed no, so they won't be interested unless he's on a list of some sort.

@RedRiverShore

I don’t think it was anything more than where they were playing with the toy was round the corner from the front door and where his back garden is and my DD being the eldest had offered to nip round and grab it back to continue their game.

I understand why you are so bothered, and why your dd felt frightened. Both of you have gone through the realisation that the situation could be very dangerous. So you are now on high alert.
I do think it is unlikely though that this man had any evil intent, children with toys do tend to be in a group, he must have been aware that there would have been others out there who knew she was knocking on his door. I imagine he was distracted, may be unused to children, and so wasn’t thinking that he might frighten her. You dd may have misjudged his age too, he may be older, my dd is 11 and hopeless at judging ages.
I agree that running it by a police officer is sensible though , just in case, but it is the sort of thing I can imagine my Dad , friendly and caught by surprise, might have done in his later years. So -Probably this man is harmless, but the police can run a check on him.
In your place I know I would feel as you do, because all the possible repercussions would be running round my head, so I hope that the police can reassure you, and that the man is just an old bloke who misjudged the situation and did things out of habit.

If it's innocent but misguided behaviour then no harm reporting it & he'll get a lesson. If it's not innocent & you don't report it, you or someone else may have issues with him in the future

And @NannyRed in your version of events I wonder how would you explain the fact that this kindly old man who has just been terrified by a ferocious 12 year old gang leader who breaks into properties in broad daylight, having locked the door behind her - purely for his own protection of course - then wanted her to come in his living room with him? Now I know you "don't care" about the OP's daughter and your loyalties lie with the real potential victim here...but I'm curious about his intentions in the living room. Also, seeing as it's really down to the appalling upbringing the OP has provided to her DDs surely the children shouldn't suffer???

@Mumofgirls3 Report report report and well done on raising such a sensible and quick thinking daughter. She handled that so well. Hope she's ok and although she's probably quite shook up I hope she's not too aware of how badly that could have gone

Mingmoo has given sensible advice about contacting the police on page 3.
The incident does sound a bit odd, the child shouldn't have gone into the house and the man shouldn't have let/asked her.No harm done apparently but hopefully lessons be learned.

I think it’s highly unlikely he was up to anything dodgy.

People have already explained that they lock their door behind visitors for various reasons.

Small cute kids ARE used as decoys. Pinafores & tights are more effective than bomber jackets and filthy jeans.

Older people (he could be older than your DD thinks) ARE told to be careful not to be tricked on their doorstep.

I would have gone around myself to ‘apologise’ & introduce myself, then decided what action to take, if any.

My Dad died a few years ago, but he would not have thought twice about letting a child in to retrieve a toy. Yes there was a side entrance to the garden but it was a massive faff and yes, if he was watching something on the TV, he would probably have taken them through the sitting room to put it onto record on the way out to the garden, knowing how long these things can take!

He wouldn’t have thought twice about it because he wouldn’t have thought anything beyond ‘this little girl wants her toy back’. A lifetime of having your own kids, their friends, nieces, nephews & grandchildren in the house...doesn’t lead you to think anything other than ‘let’s find the toy then’

Paedophiles don’t sit watching the television waiting for the one in a million chances that a 11/12 year old girl is going to knock on their door.

Your DD most likely got scared because she realised she had got herself into a vulnerable position, not because he was actually any threat.

I think you should have gone to see him yourself before involving the police tbh.

@JustHavinABreak

YOu're being massively hysterical and actually quite nasty. He may have just been a slightly odd old man who when someone comes to the door invites them in and locks the door behind them (almost everyone locks the door behind them actually - why would you leave your front door open?). He may have gone into the living room to pause a show he was watching, or to pick up the back door keys or to grab a jumper to go outside with? Who knows? He was probably surprised and yes slightly worried he was going to be burgled - not by a crazy gang but by a bunch of kids - it does happen often you know.

If he was a paedophile he was hardly going to be waiting in the hope a random girl (who he must have known lived nearby and probably had parents close by too since she was only 10) came round was he?

I actually see no harm in reporting it. Since he's not done anything wrong the police will do nothing unless there's another reason to be suspicious. It's fine to listen to your instincts if he gave you a funny feeling certainly don't encourage your DD to go round again and keep an eye out by all means. What you can't do though is assume he's dodgy when you have absolutely no idea. This is how people with poor social skills learning disabilities, mental health problems, dementia etc can very easily become labelled and even more isolated. No one is suggesting taking any risks with a child they're just stating the fact that you have no idea if this man is dodgy (being odd is not the same as being dodgy) and hysterical assumptions are completely unnecessary.

Why haven't you just gone over and introduced yourself to him? Apologized for the girls and get a sense of him? He might invite you and your dh in as well.
And I also always lock my door. It blows open easily and our dog and cats will run out.

@NoooorthonerMum

I apologise and it looks like my mother was right. Sarcasm is indeed the lowest form of wit. You are of course right but I was being deliberately hysterical in an effort to point out how ridiculous I thought NannyRed was being is attempting to blame the OP's parenting skills.

I too live in an area that sounds very similar to the OP's home and locking the door behind someone that you know to see like that would be very unusual in daylight hours.

I accept what what you're saying about social isolation but the one area where I think we have to make an exception is where someone who trusts us to advocate for them (such as a child) needs us to speak up, and is parental instinct is such that the OP has a doubt it has to be recorded.