Calling the police but are we doing the right thing.

[Mumofgirls3]

Firstly this isn’t a “I think something bad has happened but I’ll ask MN first before we act”. We have tried to get through to the correct police 3 times now but they have us on hold for so long it keeps cutting us off so we are going to try again later in the hope that it’s a little less busy.

My DD (12) was out playing earlier with her DD (10) and DF.

We live is quite a quiet village (think only a post office/local shop and cattle grids) however there are a mixture of newer and older small estates.

The girls were playing with a toy which had landed up in a back garden just out of our estate and my DD being the eldest had politely (according to her) gone to the door go ask for it back. The other two girls has stayed, not intentionally, round the corner, and therefore out of sight.

My DD has rung the bell and it had in her words been opened by an elderly gentleman (we have pushed this and she had said ages with my DF, who is only mid 60’s)

There is access to the back garden via the side of the house but man had asked my DD to step inside, my DD has now said she felt uncomfortable doing so however, I think didn’t feel too uncomfortable being only a few ft from home (we can see the house from our bedroom window) and has gone inside. Obviously this is something we now need to talk about, and I am quite disappointed at age 12 she thought this was an ok thing to do.

The man had then reached behind he’d and locked the door and asked her to step into the living room as he was watching something on TV and didn’t want to miss it.

DD can’t remember at this point if man had said the program he was watching had pretty in the title or he had said she was pretty but she is sure she heard that word.

DD’s instincts I think kicked in at that point as she made the sensible move to mention her parents were outside and she should probably make sure they knew where she was. The man seemed a little taken aback, agreed, unlocked the door as DD ran back to the other 2.

The man had then (I think) must have seen my eldest DD from another window and whistled her back and again seemed taken aback that she was with friends but invited all 3 girls back into the back garden to find the toy. At this point both my DD’s agree that man acted weird. “Oh it’s only your friends your with” and a lot of watching/smiling etc. Both girls have now commented he acted in an odd enough way to make them feel uneasy.

Writing it down, I can’t believe I’m 2nd guessing myself, and we adefinitely are going to get incontact with the police but I guess I would just like someone to reassure me we are doing the right thing.

We are able to report to our local police force online as well as 101, if you are having difficulty getting through you could try looking at their website to see if yours does too.

I know loads of people who lock the doors don't think it' unusual .Police and agencyies like age concern quiet often put warnings out about locking doors when you are in. Burglars just walk in so wouldn't get hung up about liking the door but anything else the concerns you call it in .

But thinking about it, don’t most houses have Yale locks that will automatically lock when you close the door? I can’t say I know a single person that doesn’t, in both old a new builds. Did he really reach behind her and lock the door? Or did the door just lock? I suppose if the police bother to send someone out they can check.

What crime do you think he committed?

@Tinyteatime

DD said he definitely nudged her shoulder trying to get behind her to lock the door...

He locked his door, I always keep my door locked, even when people come in. He doesn’t don’t know your dd wasn’t the set up for a home invasion.

Honestly, what do you want the police to do? What crime do you think he has committed? At 12 your daughter is old enough to know better than to enter a strangers home.

Feeling weirded out is not a crime.

What crime do you think he committed?

He locked a 12-year-old girl in his house. I can't believe how many people are minimising his behaviour.

You're right to contact the police and if there is something dodgy they will have a word with him and hopefully if he isn't known to the police, they will still have a word with him about how inappropriate his behaviour was.

I think you should give out to your dd for going onto a stranger's house, praise her wildly for trusting her instinct and thinking on her feet to get out. Report it because if he's a nobody and nothing happened he's not going to get the police banging down his door and taking him off in the night or even a visit BUT if he were on the SOR (I think it's been renamed recently but I don't know what to) and had conditions around children it'd be flagged up to the relevant authorities. He very likely either had no ill intention or perhaps did but isn't 'known' but if he is they'll know what to do (and will hopefully do it ). Either way your dd did well after her mistake and all you can do is hammer it in that THIS is why it's so important to think before even approaching a house occupied by strangers.

But thinking about it, don’t most houses have Yale locks that will automatically lock when you close the door? I can’t say I know a single person that doesn’t, in both old a new builds

You can know me now, I used to live on a then new build estate where everyone had the same front door, all of whch had to be locked with a key, not a single yale lock. Maybe it was for cost saving, if the locks are cheaper it would soon add up over many houses.

OP - I'm a laid back parent but what you describe would unnerve me a bit too

He locked a 12-year-old girl in his house. I can't believe how many people are minimising his behaviour

Eh?

Lots of doors lock automatically. It's also habit for a lot of people - if you're used to locking your door everytime you close it, it becomes second nature. It's also been very windy recently and quite cold, so maybe he wanted to make sure the door was firmly closed. Maybe he has a dog that does a runner/can open the door otherwise (I know mine can) - there could be any number of reasons.

I think it's quite shocking that a man has been vilified for locking his front door

@NannyRed

I’m not sure what you are trying to imply?

I don’t think in any of my posts I said he had committed a crime, just that I thought his behaviour warranted concern and my DD felt quite uneasy!

Both my FIL and DF were in the police and in their 60’s my DGF who is now no longer with us and hasn’t been for around 10 years as well as my DH’s DGF who fortunately is, all know and knew that there is a right and wrong way to behave in front of and towards a child, especially when that involved actively putting theirselves in a vulnerable situation for both parties.

Just to reiterate this man was not infirm and immobile, he is early 60’s and quite a “strong big looking” man according to DD!!

Can you call the non emergency line and ask about Sarah's law? Firstly.

I would also be letting the police know about what's happened.

You say you can can see the house from your bedroom window.

If so, you and your DH should call to his house. Introduce yourselves as the children's parents, apologise for the kids disturbing him, assure him that the incident will not reoccur and thanking him for returning the toy.

If he has evil intentions, it's important to make him aware of your presence.

Keep calling the police until you get through.
My spidey senses are all over the place reading that he locked the door behind her. I think your daughter may well have had a very lucky escape.
Would you consider going to the house yourself on the pretext of retrieving the toy? So you could check him out for yourself? It may well be that he is harmless/eccentric/has dementia etc. but when it comes to safeguarding children, I don't think it's too much, if nothing more than for your own peace of mind.

Call and report.
Nothing will come of it as nothing has happened but a log can be made and if anything suspicious comes up in future this incident could be important.

thanks was confused by two uses of df in different context

delialah overreaction much? Spidey senses and lucky escape!
There have been several reasons why he may have locked the door behind him. Ffs

@ pBlackCatSleeping I’m still not sure that is a crime. I locked the plumber in last week.

@mumofgirls3 why are you calling the police if you don’t think he committed a crime by locking the door. Your 12 year old could have been part of a gang breaking into vulnerable pensioners hones and you’re wasting time reporting the fact he locked his door.

Like I said, maybe have a talk to your 12 year old about going into strangers homes rather than calling the police and wasting their time.

Feeling weird because you’ve realised you’re in a situation isn’t really police worthy.

Aren't elderly people advised to do lock their doors in case innocent looking people are sent in ahead by a gang to get the door unlocked? Pretty sure that's a standard tactic so it may well be that he felt vulnerable too. Sure, it's wise to log with the police and chat with your daughter, but I wouldn't jump to any conclusions about him over it.

When you do training in safeguarding the watchword is “ if in doubt, there is no doubt. You must report.
If the neighbour is innocent as many pp think, then no harm done . Nothing will happen except maybe a visit from an officer to see if he is alright and support about keeping everyone safe and not inviting strange children into the house.
If he is not, the information you give could be a tiny piece in a much larger jigsaw that can help someone who has other pieces make a clearer picture.
You are right to report this.

Locking the door might be a habit, my partner regularly locked the builder, the plumber, the electrician in when popping out to the shop and back when they were working in the house, he didn't have nefarious designs on them he's just habituated to double-locking the door.

I would talk to the police. It's obviously wonky. He may have breached conditions imposed on him. He may be a future risk. It's strange behaviour. Your DD did very well.

all know and knew that there is a right and wrong way to behave in front of and towards a child, especially when that involved actively putting theirselves in a vulnerable situation for both parties

It’s your daughter who did wrong, but you want to be judge, jury and executioner if this man and enjoy your trial by public opinion.

You asked “Aibu” I’m saying yes, you’re choosing to ignore me because you haven’t taught your 12 basic safety. Your fil and granddad would tell you, it’s you that’s failing in your parenting.

Tbh, I don’t care about your child, you asked my opinion when you put it on a public forum. Teach your kid some common sense first.

She could have been the decoy for a gang of thieves. So he wanted to make sure no thug barged in after her. So locked the door.

Indeed!
How would the elderly (or even a non elderly person) bloke know that her big brother or psycho father wasn’t just round the corner and ready to barge through his now unlocked door.

This is why everyone I know who's older avoids children like the plague, it's a total minefield.