Calling the police but are we doing the right thing.

[Mumofgirls3]

Firstly this isn’t a “I think something bad has happened but I’ll ask MN first before we act”. We have tried to get through to the correct police 3 times now but they have us on hold for so long it keeps cutting us off so we are going to try again later in the hope that it’s a little less busy.

My DD (12) was out playing earlier with her DD (10) and DF.

We live is quite a quiet village (think only a post office/local shop and cattle grids) however there are a mixture of newer and older small estates.

The girls were playing with a toy which had landed up in a back garden just out of our estate and my DD being the eldest had politely (according to her) gone to the door go ask for it back. The other two girls has stayed, not intentionally, round the corner, and therefore out of sight.

My DD has rung the bell and it had in her words been opened by an elderly gentleman (we have pushed this and she had said ages with my DF, who is only mid 60’s)

There is access to the back garden via the side of the house but man had asked my DD to step inside, my DD has now said she felt uncomfortable doing so however, I think didn’t feel too uncomfortable being only a few ft from home (we can see the house from our bedroom window) and has gone inside. Obviously this is something we now need to talk about, and I am quite disappointed at age 12 she thought this was an ok thing to do.

The man had then reached behind he’d and locked the door and asked her to step into the living room as he was watching something on TV and didn’t want to miss it.

DD can’t remember at this point if man had said the program he was watching had pretty in the title or he had said she was pretty but she is sure she heard that word.

DD’s instincts I think kicked in at that point as she made the sensible move to mention her parents were outside and she should probably make sure they knew where she was. The man seemed a little taken aback, agreed, unlocked the door as DD ran back to the other 2.

The man had then (I think) must have seen my eldest DD from another window and whistled her back and again seemed taken aback that she was with friends but invited all 3 girls back into the back garden to find the toy. At this point both my DD’s agree that man acted weird. “Oh it’s only your friends your with” and a lot of watching/smiling etc. Both girls have now commented he acted in an odd enough way to make them feel uneasy.

Writing it down, I can’t believe I’m 2nd guessing myself, and we adefinitely are going to get incontact with the police but I guess I would just like someone to reassure me we are doing the right thing.

Maybe the side(?) access is locked & it's easier to go through the house?

But that doesn't explain the asking her in.

sorry if i missed the expolanation but why didnt their df go and knock on the door?

I think DF stands for Dear Friend rather than Dear Father here

It all sounds quite innocent (it’s his house and maybe just locked the door as he normally would

Maybe his wife was in the room?

Did she get the toy back?
If not go round tomorrow yourself and ask for the toy. Go with your dh maybe. Then you can gauge.

And yes it isn't stranger danger but more complex than that. A paramedic picking you up after an accident is a stranger. So is a shopkeeper. Or a doctor might be a stranger.

Definitely locked the door? Not just closed it to stop cat getting out, or something? I would report it (online?) but also bear in mind that t could be innocent. Someone I know was told by his DD (aged 10) that a man 'grabbed her'. It turned out that she came round the corner on her bike and nearly knocked him over, and he put his hands out and connected with her shoulders. Two sides to every story!

There’s nothing to record as no crime was committed andthey’d Be breaking GDPR to log details on him without a policing purpose.

Reinforce your girls in not going into strangers houses. It was a toy, she should have come and asked you as soon as she felt things were not quite right.

This does sound odd. Was it one of those front doors that can be opened from the outside unless locked though? That would explain why he locked it as it would likely be habit.

Ridiculous that children should go to a stranger's house for anything at all. Put a stop to such dangerous behaviour. Safety first. No toy is worth the risk.

I also live in a small village and often get young children knocking on my door saying thatthey think some random toy has come over into my garden. I always say that I will go and have a look and throw it back over if it's there (or let them know if its not). I shut the door - with them on the outside! And I'm usually known to them and I am also enhanced DBS checked because I volunteer at the village school.

It is possible that your villager (who is slightly older than me) does not appreciate the risk factor of what he did - but equally he could be dodgy. You are right to check with the Police but unless he's actually committed an offence and been charged in the past then they won't have him on record. Better to stress to your DCs again the importance of not putting themselves in a difficult position.

Given distraction burglaries are a big thing with the elderly, he may have locked the front door as habit to prevent that.

Some fucking chavs knocked on my grans door and got her into her garden to get their ball back, whilst their mates stole her handbag via the unlocked front door.

Maybe I'm too trusting but I picture my Dad here as the home owner, he wouldn't think twice about letting someone in to retrieve a toy, the side gate is always padlocked so he'd take them through the house and would push the front door closed after them.

The guy in your story let your dd out as soon as she asked and didn't try to persuade her to stay, he then let all 3 retrieve the toy.

I know my Dad would've been devastated to receive a visit from the police for letting someone in to retrieve something from the garden after they'd asked.

I'm not saying there aren't paedophiles around but all that's happened here is your dd knocked the door, was let in, asked to leave, was let out then chose to go back with friends and get the toy.

DH is a police officer and says they wouldn't go out for this as response officers BUT you should definitely report it. You have no way of knowing if it's important but it could be. He says 101 is a pain to get through to, but it's worth trying it as it's the best way to report it. If you have a police station near you, call in, or email your safer neighbourhoods team if you have one, and go on the local force's website to see if there's an email address for the contact centre where crime is reported. He says it's the kind of thing that gets lost if you report it via the website so do persevere until you know it's been noted. They will check it out, in short. Don't second-guess yourself.

What did the police say?

Honestly this sounds like a massive overreaction.

Your dd shouldn't have gone in but we all do silly things when we are young.
I just think that the guy was probably watching the telly. Didn't want to leave the door open, invited her in not thinking anything about it and locked the door out of habit.
I also think its a sad reflection of society today. He was probably completely innocent after all, its not like he stopped her leaving.
I think phoning the police is really over the top.

I felt sick reading your post OP. Yes definitely call the police. He may be known to them. I hate to think what could have happened. There are some very dangerous people out there and I’m glad daughter got out safe.

What did the police say?

Police aren't going to say or do anything about a no-crime incident over a weekend.

Some community officer might take a look at this during office hours.

But... NOTHING HAPPENED! What kind of response is anticipated? Words of advice to the old gent that he should carry on not murdering kids?

Bunny - if he's on the register or has bail conditions that he shouldn't be in contact with children then the police will record something.
OP has no way of knowing if he's a paedophile or a nice, harmless man.

Chances are some of us are living next door to paedophiles.

As for the poster who said "would you feel the same if it was a woman" - don't be so utterly ridiculous! What percentage of paedophiles and rapists are women, do you think?

I think call the 101 number. Locking the door behind him and his general behaviour towards her were a red flag. Instinct tells us a lot. She sensed that she was in an unsafe situation. The police will not think you are over reacting. He could be innocent. On the other hand he could be a danger to children and the police need to be made aware just in case.

Police for advice, they will probably have a chat with you and the girls? As in, not going up to a strangers house and knocking on the door.

It’s a really tricky position that your daughter put both herself and the man in. He could have had mental health problems, been ill, been paranoid, been a drunk, been quite isolated who knows, and a lot of people lock the door, it puts him in a very strange position and quite a vulnerable one too. What if he is just strange and then the local gossips picked up on this and vilified him?

The police is the right way but we can’t let our kids out without making sure the know what to do or not to do, we’ve got to prepare them.

I'm struggling to understand this post. Who is DF? Dear friend or Dear father. You mention YOUR DF being in their 60s. Was it YOUR Df who was playing outside with them? Why didn't your DF go to the house? Or are there 2 DFs, yours and the girls? If you're going to use DF, you need to make it a bit clearer what and who you are talking about.

Glad you reported it and listened to your dd and her intuition that something was scary and wrong.

To all those saying it was fine and the OP is overreacting, it was the girl in the house who thought something was off and felt threatened. Lots of sets of circumstances can seem innocuous in print, but living them gives a very different impression. I am glad she listened to and then acted on her perception of danger. And then her Mum listened to her and believed her and took her concerns seriously.

If nothing else, the police should talk to the man about letting children into the house on his own, and how vulnerable he is to exactly this reaction.

solly - I would have thought it was fairly obvious from context.

firs df refers to the children's friend who they were playing with.

Second df was simply a point of comparison - comparing the age of the neighbour with the OPs father.

I see the paedo-excitement has brought the usual knuckle draggers out from their primeval swamp. (No offence meant to primeval swamps obvs)

What did the police say OP? Good idea to explain to your daughter that she should never do anything a man tells her to if she's uncomfortable. At 12 she is also beyond old enough to know that stranger danger is extremely rare and that most paedophiles and abusers are people their victims know very well.