Calling the police but are we doing the right thing.

[Mumofgirls3]

Firstly this isn’t a “I think something bad has happened but I’ll ask MN first before we act”. We have tried to get through to the correct police 3 times now but they have us on hold for so long it keeps cutting us off so we are going to try again later in the hope that it’s a little less busy.

My DD (12) was out playing earlier with her DD (10) and DF.

We live is quite a quiet village (think only a post office/local shop and cattle grids) however there are a mixture of newer and older small estates.

The girls were playing with a toy which had landed up in a back garden just out of our estate and my DD being the eldest had politely (according to her) gone to the door go ask for it back. The other two girls has stayed, not intentionally, round the corner, and therefore out of sight.

My DD has rung the bell and it had in her words been opened by an elderly gentleman (we have pushed this and she had said ages with my DF, who is only mid 60’s)

There is access to the back garden via the side of the house but man had asked my DD to step inside, my DD has now said she felt uncomfortable doing so however, I think didn’t feel too uncomfortable being only a few ft from home (we can see the house from our bedroom window) and has gone inside. Obviously this is something we now need to talk about, and I am quite disappointed at age 12 she thought this was an ok thing to do.

The man had then reached behind he’d and locked the door and asked her to step into the living room as he was watching something on TV and didn’t want to miss it.

DD can’t remember at this point if man had said the program he was watching had pretty in the title or he had said she was pretty but she is sure she heard that word.

DD’s instincts I think kicked in at that point as she made the sensible move to mention her parents were outside and she should probably make sure they knew where she was. The man seemed a little taken aback, agreed, unlocked the door as DD ran back to the other 2.

The man had then (I think) must have seen my eldest DD from another window and whistled her back and again seemed taken aback that she was with friends but invited all 3 girls back into the back garden to find the toy. At this point both my DD’s agree that man acted weird. “Oh it’s only your friends your with” and a lot of watching/smiling etc. Both girls have now commented he acted in an odd enough way to make them feel uneasy.

Writing it down, I can’t believe I’m 2nd guessing myself, and we adefinitely are going to get incontact with the police but I guess I would just like someone to reassure me we are doing the right thing.

If a child I didn’t know came to my door for a ball/whatever that was in my back garden, I would probably ask them to wait on the doorstep while I retrieved the toy - for their safety as well as my own peace of mind.

Definitely report and give as much detail as you can.

I wouldn't have been able to get out in an emergency

My brother always keeps his door locked, and locks the door after letting people in. It's not to lock the person in, but just to keep the door safely locked. He's elderly and lives alone.

Did he lock the door and take away the key? If not, then she could just have opened the door herself?

I would say report it, but also bear in mind he may have been worried about distraction burglary. How often do you hear of some one going in distracting elderly people to look for something in the garden whilst a mate nips in and steals money.

Not saying she wasn't uncomfortable about it - but that could be an innocent explanation.

The weird thing isn't locking the door, I do that automatically, it's the bit about watching something on TV and trying to get her in the front room.

It will be interesting to see what the police do. I don't know if there's anything they can do but it is worth telling them so YANBU.

Wow thanks everyone for your responses...

I’m glad that we logged it but I guess the friendly villager in me who enjoys the freedom my children have wants to believe it’s a innocent misunderstanding...

That being said it won’t stop me putting my DD first and checking this guy out, and definitely something isn’t sitting right with me.

It’s quite a new build, attractive housing estate but all privately owned so don’t think it’s soemwhere he’s been put to be rehabilitated.

He also definitely has a wife as the girls DF said that she she has been quite generous when she has been trick and treating at Halloween and it’s always a very decorated house.

I don’t think as early 60’s as very old and we asked DD what kind of shape he was in and again she likened him to a bigger version of my DF who cycles 20 miles every day and still looks and acts very physically and mentally fit.

I just can’t believe that any adult thinks that putting theirselves in a vulnerable, solo situation with a child ie locking a door and encouraging them in to their family home can ever be looked at in an innocent light and as a parent my senses are definitely up enough to protect my child over what could be a naive, well meaning neighbour.

Don’t worry, we have told her she did the right thing in getting out of there and praised her on her quick thinking but think I definitely need to have a chat with all 3 of my DD’s (youngest being 7) about stranger danger and what is ok and what is not.

If a child I didn’t know came to my door for a ball/whatever that was in my back garden, I would probably ask them to wait on the doorstep while I retrieved the toy - for their safety as well as my own peace of mind.

Exactly what I, and what most people I know, would do. Not normal to invite the child into the living room.

There is no harm in reporting it but no crime was committed. I would imagine the man was just old and vague, locks the door as a routine and wanted to pause his programme before taking your daughter to the garden via the back door. If I wasn’t wearing shoes or was in my slippers I would take someone through my house rather than make them walk around unescorted just instinctively out of politeness.

@sweeneytoddsrazor

I don’t want to generalise but you are talking about a tiny village and 3 girls (2 10 and one 11) dressed in pinafores and tights and playing on roller skates...

There weren’t exactly gang land material.

Paedophile own houses, have wives and live on nice estates OP.

@Smoggle

I completely agree.

She knocked his door, he may think she was scamming him.
That's why I don't like trick or treating. She knows now not to go in houses without your knowledge. No harm telling the local plod, have you got a community liaison or neighbourhood watch?

That is quite odd behaviour, may be innocent, may be not. Wise to report it to the police in case he is known to them already, if he's not then no harm done as no crime committed so they're not going to do anything to him.

There could well be innocent explanations but it does not harm to ring up for advice.

The door lock thing isn’t strange, probably habit. My FIL always locks the door behind him, the police told him to keep his front door always locked after an incident where someone knocked on his door selling door to door and re-enterd the house after he sent them away.

The police are best placed to advise and deal with this though..if you can get through to them!

In the same way that you cant tell a paedophile by looking at him, you cannot tell who is committing a burglary and as it was only your DD he saw she could have been with anyone. It might have been sinister it might have been innocent. Hopefully all the girls have learned a very valuable lesson.

It's a very sad indictment on today's society that MN has to worry about the safety of a young child asking to retrieve a toy. While I think the response is sensible, it saddens me that we automatically presume there's a serious risk of paedophilia. It is (thankfully) rarer than the Daily Mail suggests.

sorry if i missed the expolanation but why didnt their df go and knock on the door?

You did the right thing.

Honestly this sounds like a massive overreaction. I know lots and f old people that always lock the front door behind them. It’s juts a habit and pretty sensible if you’re an elderly person. Given that your dd has no idea what he actually said other than it sounded like ‘pretty’ I think the police might have a bit of a laugh at your expense.

Don’t do stranger danger. Look up tricky people. It’s more modern and makes more sense. It’s more about how people are more likely to trick you into doing something. Stranger danger is old and out of date. The truth is, it’s more likely to be someone you know that will do some harm….

That is a bit weird what he did. Why lock the door and bring her to the sitting room to watch TV?!? Why not just say go to the yard and get the toy! My spidey sense would have been in full alert!

She did fantastic in saying you were outside. I get why she trusted to go inside in the first place due to a small village and trusting the area. Overall, a very small chance of anything happening.

In the future, if you are home, and they aren’t sure mayvlbe get them to leave the toy and ask you to retrieve it.

Whilst you're right to be wary , he may have meant no harm at all, if it was a woman would you immediately think the worst? Report it definitely to be cautious, but also don't cause hysteria my now telling everyone about the weird paedo man, as this is how innocent people get tarred and it snowballs into local vigilantes targeting him.
He may have early onset dementia, he may have thought he was being friendly and polite... my grandparents love chatting to kids as it makes them feel young and reminds them of their grandchildren.. I can imagine my grandad doing similar to this man, and my grandma for that matter! Simply thinking they were being friendly. He over stepped a boundary by inviting her in, but it may not be for the reason you are jumping to.

I would not be surprised if his on the watch list. If not he should be.

Really? Christ, get your pitchforks out.

I always lock my door when I close it. I've had to apologise to people (gas man etc) in the past for it when they were leaving and I realised the door was locked, I didnt even realise I'd locked it in the first place.

Your dd may have gotten the creepy feeling when she realised she was in a dangerous position, like adrenalin but confusing it with being in danger?? . But that doesn't mean the man was necessarily dangerous.

You're right to safeguard your child but try not to think of the worst.

It's definitely a good idea to now talk to your daughter about going into a stranger's house.