How does this birthday card make you feel?

[Fretful]

Without giving any background as I would like some unbiased opinions, please

Thanks so much @ProfessorSillyStuff. Things have moved on at the moment but I'll remember that in case I need it in the future

Don't get it.

Perhaps turn the heating back on when he's buggered off to the Wetherspoon's?

OP he only has to cross your line of what is acceptable

You are the one who has to decide to leave

I know that would be easier if the DV charities will help but you can still do it without

Women’s aid will still help you plan to leave even if you don’t meet the criteria for refuge etc

Tell them you are scared and he is controlling and ask for help

it's the sort of card an abuser would send their victim as a show of their control. i think its awful. I've always hated sexist cards and joke cards. cards are meant to make the reciever feel special, loved, appreciated, not awkward or upset or the centre of a joke. maybe I'm just being a bit precious though.

One of my favourite birthday cards was a Bestie one, in which a Samaritan says to a distressed man at the side of the road: "Oh stop moaning about your problems and pull yourself together". At the bottom it said "The Bad Samaritan". Should I have my head cut off on behalf of all the homeless people in the world, for liking this card?
I like that!

I don't understand where the humour is in a card which depicts coercive control.
Coercive control was recently made a criminal offence.
www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/coercive-control/

Normalises abuse. Not good.

Thanks again everyone for your responses. I wasn't expecting as many people to comment.

I'm sorry for not naming people individually but there are a lot of really helpful replies and sources of information, some of which I have already looked at but will look at again.

I'm going to open a thread, maybe later today, on Relationships, as that is more appropriate than here to discuss more fully the whole situation rather than my mother-in-law's choice of card.

One last thing to say on here, though, is, I am scared of my husband. He has never hit me, and I don't think he ever would. He rarely shouts, even, though over the years it has happened more than it should. So, why not go to the police? I shouldn't be scared. But, how can I go to the police for a 'look', or a twitch of the cheek? He doesn't have to hit and he doesn't have to shout. The look and the twitch are enough of a signal for me to know.

Anyway, all that from a post about a bloody card!

It's not the most romantic card op. Yanbu.

READ THE FULL THREAD before you post! People are still giving their opinion on the card but this thread moved on from that many posts ago.

I find it quite amusing. Not really a typical card from a MIL but I wouldn't be offended if I received it from her

Crappy card TBH.

Think it would depend who it was from and to. I could imagine getting it for my hubby as we're always changing the temperature, up in my case, down in his!

Well ... at least the posters still just commenting about the card without RTFT are keeping the thread bumped

((hug)) OP.

See you in R'ships.

Personally I find it vile. My friend lives with a husband like this! A vile controlling bully. He goes off to work and all through the winter she is not allowed to have the heating on at home. He says she will get warm ‘doing the housework! But when he has a day off, on goes the heating! It’s not funny. I also had a bully of a husband so I guess I don’t have a sense of humour about abuse!

Uncomfortable. It's not very funny. I once got a card with lots of Santa's going over a cliff. My ex husband was abusive so I am a bit sensitive.

Fretful. Following your "without giving any background" I haven't read any other replies. I can see how it could be a joke if it fitted a context of a current joke between people. My "cold" reaction is:

It made me feel ill actually. My husband would not let us have the heating on during the day. I was at home with baby and toddler the kitchen was so cold in that house that water in the sink actually froze a few times!

The heating was timed to come on when he returned from work.
He met the criteria for being a psychopath. True - I was told by a psychiatrist who met us both.

llangennith. But the OP asks us for our immediate response, so I deliberately didn't update. She was asking people to say what they felt straight off.

ellyess I am so sorry to read your story. I ended up posting more of my context and, although not in the saw situation as you, I felt physically sick when I read the card.

I hope your life has improved since?

Laiste

Did read the full post still just don't find it particularly offensive lol

I will see you in Rships OP and help you figure out what you are afraid of (Unspoken or implied threat) if you want my help. Remember you are in the driver's seat, it's your life, you don't have to take action if you don't want to, but I will share all I know with you x

Fretful. Cripes Fretful!! You poor girl! That was me once and the in laws were just as evil. As it was sent as you say by an
"in-law for my birthday, who is aware I'm in an emotionally/psychologically abusive and manipulative marriage".
it is perfect evidence that even his own family admits he is abusive and they are abusive too! So get that card in the evidence kit for the divorce straight away!
Good luck! I am right with you my love, keep your chin up. Film, tape everything he says and does, note everything with date and time. You will get through this. Have a packed bag if you don't feel safe and one for the children if needed. (I'm only on p.6 so far but had to respond immediately as it's so upsetting!).
Sending lots of love, Elle x

Thanks again, everyone. I've started a new thread on Relationships, so probably won't post anymore on here.

I'm really grateful to those who have shared their stories and who have encouraged me to post again. We're all anonymous blah blah blah, but it really does mean a lot. Thank you

People take things too seriously these days.
Its a card. Its a joke. Get over it.
Some people actually find stuff funny without everything causing offence and getting on their high horse.

I tend to send rude inappropriate cards. The last one to my husband said 'Happy Birthday, In dogs years you would be dead'

I for one would have had a chuckle and thought nothing more if this was given to me.