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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH wants me to eat meat!

237 replies

ElizabethForever · 17/03/2019 07:33

I have been a vegan my entire life. My parents are vegans and my siblings are. My husband is mainly vegan as I do the food shopping and cooking. I have never stopped him eating the food he wants to eat however anything containing animal products in the garage (we have a fridge/freezer out there).
I am in the very very early stages of pregnancy and since we found our DH keeps making hints that I should be eating meat to keep the baby healthy. I have never had any problems with my iron levels etc but I have never been pregnant before. DH has upset me by suggesting I go against something which is obviously a huge part of my life but I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable to be upset or if hormones are making me think more of it? Thanks

OP posts:
Chocolateheaven123 · 17/03/2019 07:36

He is being completely U. If you're a life long vegan, then you can actually make yourself ill to suddenly eat meat. Even if you are feeling rundown at the moment, that's one of the joys of pregnancy, not specifically because you're vegan.

I eat meat and I was severely anaemic after having my son, and have been feeling pretty crappy this pregnancy as well.

It's different if you're suddenly CRAVING meat, but he can't expect you to eat it.

speakout · 17/03/2019 07:38

Hi, it's not right that he should be so controlling over your diet.

Having a baby on the way is an anxious time for everyone, and perhaps he is being a bit clumsy in expressing his concerns.

Maybe if you had your iron levels checked ( a good idea for all pregnant women) it would put his mind at ease?

Not sure what "mainly vegan" is TBH???

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 17/03/2019 07:41

Best thing to do is ask to speak to the ante natal nutritionist there will be one ask your midwife, she'll give you an idea of there are any gaps in your diet and how to fill them staying vegan, take a pregnancy multivitamin like pregnacare too (Asda do an identical one three months supply for ten pounds) , then tell him he has no right to tell you what to eat. He could be genuinely concerned that you and baby won't get the nutrients you need but it's perfectly possible you do and can while staying vegan and I say this as an omnivore.

kbPOW · 17/03/2019 07:41

I guess it means he eats vegan at home but not when he's out and about - Because he's not vegan and his wife is. Have you talked about what his worries are and looked at yours and baby's dietary needs OP? It's ridiculous of him to think you would just start to eat meat.

GreyRoses · 17/03/2019 07:43

I chose to eat fish in my first pregnancy and meat in my second. But it was my CHOICE.

TBH, I felt and still do few healthier with more energy than I was when I was vegan, but it's your decision to make and your research to do.

PBobs · 17/03/2019 07:45

He doesn't sound controlling to me based on what is here. He just sounds like he's not done all the research etc. If he were controlling he wouldn't be mostly vegan. Have you looked at data and research together? Looked at pregnancy supplements etc? Perhaps an informed dialogue about it would help?

HarrysOwl · 17/03/2019 07:46

I think he has good intentions and I don't think he's being unreasonable to bring it up,
but it's a question for your doctor, surely?

If you've never had an issue with iron or B12 that doesn't mean you won't have a problem in the future or with this pregnancy (congratulations!) But for your peace of mind ask your doctor if you step likely to need any supplements. (Assume you're already on folic acid?)

Good luck :)

GreyRoses · 17/03/2019 07:49

Hi, it's not right that he should be so controlling over your diet.

The control is the other way! The husband has to trek out to the garage if he wants anything animal based? So, milk in coffee for example requires a trip to his designated fridge/freezer.

I think that's the controlling part.

PotteringAlong · 17/03/2019 07:49

You make him keep milk in the garage because you won’t have it in the house?! What do you think a bottle of milk will do to your fridge?

HavelockVetinari · 17/03/2019 07:52

There's no need to eat meat, but do keep an eye on your iron levels (babies use a huge amount) and don't forget your multivitamins and to up your calcium intake.

PP is wrong about suddenly eating meat making vegans/vegetarians ill though, the human body can digest a whole range of foods very easily, meat isn't difficult at all. Any self-reported symptoms are psychological.

2cupsofcoffee · 17/03/2019 07:56

I'm not vegan but vegetarian, and when I was pregnant I had some well-meaning people try to convince me that I should be eating meat or fish. I ignored them, and had a very healthy baby. She's now a healthy 12 year old who is also a vegetarian. As long as your diet is balanced and you're taking the right supplements, both you and your baby will be fine.

GreyRoses · 17/03/2019 07:56

You make him keep milk in the garage because you won’t have it in the house?! What do you think a bottle of milk will do to your fridge?

I don't know the OP (i just used milk as an example), but quite a few acquaintances - and my own mother - have done this. If meat, fish, dairy is properly contained, it's not going to somehow "contaminate" a vegan fridge in any way. It's just control over the other person to make their own eating as much of an inconvenience as possible to convert them.

I know people who make their partners use separate crockery and cutlery for anything non vegan as well. When I was vegan - and I had been all my life - I never did that.

kikisparks · 17/03/2019 07:57

You won’t get much support for this in AIBU OP, maybe try the vegan subforum? Ignorant people will come here and tell you you’re wrong for having a vegan pregnancy (which can be perfectly healthy).

And yanbu what you eat is your business.

JellySlice · 17/03/2019 07:57

I don't think he's being controlling. He is legitimately concerned about the wellbeing of his DW and DC. The obvious thing to do is to get your iron levels checked. Even meat eaters can get anaemic during pregnancy. Isn't there something about amino acids in a vegan diet, too? So a discussion with a medical nutritionist would also reassure him.

To ask you to eat meat, however, is unreasonable. As a lifelong vegan you probably cannot. But you can certainly up the iron in your diet and take a good pregnancy supplement.

AuntieCJ · 17/03/2019 07:58

I agree with other who say you are as controlling as he is. It's his house too. He gets to put whatever he likes in the fridge. Lighten up, OP.

Original poster
ElizabethForever · 17/03/2019 07:59

I will speak to the midwife at our booking in (?!) appointment about getting the right nutrients.

OP posts:
spreadingchestnuttree · 17/03/2019 08:02

YANBU to stay vegan and presumably you are taking some supplements already?

londonrach · 17/03/2019 08:04

Talk to your midwife as he be able to advice you re diet but if you managing your iron and vit b12 levels before you should be ok although as baby takes what it needs from your body you may need suppliments. Re the milk thats daft. Just grow up and put it somewhere he can access it inside the house. You not drinking it so dont see the problem. You both live there.

BertrandRussell · 17/03/2019 08:05

Seems entirely normal for a vegan/vegetarian not to want to share a fridge with animal products. Unless the dp concerned has to trek to the bottom of the garden every time he wants some milk!

BertrandRussell · 17/03/2019 08:06

Bear in mind that many HCPs are as ignorant about vegan diets as anyone else......

Teddyreddy · 17/03/2019 08:06

I was dairy free for breastfeeding DD who is allergic to cows' milk - the nutrient deficiencies to worry about with that are calcium and iodine - are you getting enough of both?

I think vegan pregnancy is one thing, but if you are so strict your DH can't have milk for his coffee in the house - how on earth will you cope if you have to bottle feed for any reason? Soya formula isn't a recommended option for the first 6 months particularly if you have a boy. Maybe it's time to start to try and desensitise yourself to the thought of animal products in the house / fridge, better to deal with it now with time on your hands than post birth.

FamilyOfAliens · 17/03/2019 08:11

Unless there’s going to be a massive drip feed about the DH’s mobility, I can't see why going to the garage is such a huge hardship.

We keep beer in the fridge in the garage. Because I rarely drink it and I do all the cooking, so need the fridge in the kitchen to be full of actual food.

feebeecat · 17/03/2019 08:13

Somewhat different, but dh spent my pregnancy nagging me to eat fruit - I just don't like the stuff. One consultant appointment, he despairingly asked what could he do with me to make me eat it? Lovely consultant told him 'nothing'. As long as I was getting what I needed nutritionally elsewhere, the source didn't really matter.
Just as an aside, will you be bringing up your baby as vegan too or not, genuine question? And congratulations on your pregnacy Flowers

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 17/03/2019 08:15

YABVU forcing him to keep meat products in the garage; that’s very controlling and selfish.

And yes, I think he has the baby’s best interests at heart. You may be willing to put your body under strain but the baby shouldn’t suffer.

highheelsandbobblehats · 17/03/2019 08:16

I'm vegan now, but had two pregnancies as a vegetarian. There are so many iron rich foods you can eat without actually eating meat. Spinach, quinoa, legumes and dark chocolate to name a few.
I was healthy throughout my pregnancies and both of my children were absolutely fine too.

Have you and your DH discussed the children's diets? My husband is a meat eater and we had this conversation, I wanted them to be vegetarian. However, in the end I decided that I didn't want to restrict their diet, or more to the point, restrict their choices when eating. I want them to go to parties and not worry about the buffet, or go out for dinner and eat what they fancy. Being a vegan is my choice, it's not up to me to insist that other people follow it too. For what it's worth, one of my children is a carnivore to his core (like his dad) and my other one happily eats everything. He loves vegan Bolognese, vegan soup, chicken curry and chorizo in equal measure.