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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH wants me to eat meat!

237 replies

ElizabethForever · 17/03/2019 07:33

I have been a vegan my entire life. My parents are vegans and my siblings are. My husband is mainly vegan as I do the food shopping and cooking. I have never stopped him eating the food he wants to eat however anything containing animal products in the garage (we have a fridge/freezer out there).
I am in the very very early stages of pregnancy and since we found our DH keeps making hints that I should be eating meat to keep the baby healthy. I have never had any problems with my iron levels etc but I have never been pregnant before. DH has upset me by suggesting I go against something which is obviously a huge part of my life but I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable to be upset or if hormones are making me think more of it? Thanks

OP posts:
FamilyOfAliens · 17/03/2019 08:17

You may be willing to put your body under strain but the baby shouldn’t suffer.

What is it about being vegan that puts a body under strain? What a bizarre statement.

Neckercheiftheif · 17/03/2019 08:18

I think your husband is being unreasonable.
There are pregnancy multivitamins without omega 3, and even omega 3 tabs derived from seaweed. I took these as a pregnant vegetarian Smile. Reassure your husband that you can stay healthy and I’m sure he will relax.
Congratulations and enjoy your pregnancy Flowers

AlaskaSometimes · 17/03/2019 08:19

I was vegan for seven years through two pregnancies and breastfeeding. Both babies and I super healthy. We are all vegetarian now as I’m jus not a good enough cook or interested in nutrition to raise vegan kids. Vegetarian kids are easy. Best wishes OP!

FamilyOfAliens · 17/03/2019 08:21

My husband is a meat eater and we had this conversation, I wanted them to be vegetarian. However, in the end I decided that I didn't want to restrict their diet, or more to the point, restrict their choices when eating.

Interesting idea that it’s only vegetarians and vegans who make the decision about what to feed their growing children.

You only have to look at the stories about the massive increase in obesity and poor dental health amongst children to realise that eating a well-balanced diet that doesn’t include meat and fish isn’t actually the problem.

adaline · 17/03/2019 08:24

You only have to look at the stories about the massive increase in obesity and poor dental health amongst children to realise that eating a well-balanced diet that doesn’t include meat and fish isn’t actually the problem.

Isn't it the case though that if a child doesn't get meat or fish when younger, that it has trouble digesting it when older?

In which case, why should a parent be able to control what their child eats for the rest of their lives in that way?

donquixotedelamancha · 17/03/2019 08:24

Unless there’s going to be a massive drip feed about the DH’s mobility, I can't see why going to the garage is such a huge hardship.

If this were a man making it awkward for his wife to eat what she wanted, there would be a lot of calling it controlling.

Of course a vegan diet CAN be fine while pregnant but I don't think the husband is unreasonable to try to discuss why it might be in the babies interest to have some meat.

Just talk to him about how you both feel, OP. You don't have to do something you clearly don't want to, but getting upset at him just for hinting is unreasonable.

Rubberduckies · 17/03/2019 08:25

Not vegan but my husband has been worried about what I eat during pregnancy - he's a natural worrier and does a lot of research to find out the best things to do or not do in general. Not because he's controlling, but because he cares about me having a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. Sometimes it's sensible and I take it on board. Other times it's a bit bonkers and I tell him in a nice way he's being daft.

Surely an honest conversation about his legitimate worries and discussion with your midwife or GP about the best way to ensure baby gets everything it needs is what's needed here? Babies do have particular requirements to grow properly, like needing iron and calcium etc so you will need to just make sure you get this from your diet or supplements.

TatianaLarina · 17/03/2019 08:25

Apart from specifically iron, watch out for your B12 levels as deficiency can lead to subacute degeneration of spinal cord. If you get pins and needles or have any balance issues go to your doctor immediately.

FamilyOfAliens · 17/03/2019 08:28

Isn't it the case though that if a child doesn't get meat or fish when younger, that it has trouble digesting it when older?

Have you got a link to that research? I’ve heard it said, but never read any scientific evidence.

I raised my DC as vegetarian from birth but DS now eats fish. My view is, he’s an adult so he can eat what he wants. He won’t be served it when he’s home of course because we don’t buy or cook fish, but he knows that.

TheInvestigator · 17/03/2019 08:28

You're a lifelong vegan!! If you start eating meat then your body won't know what the he'll is going on. You'll have horrible digestion pain, different toilet routine... It will just make you feel rubbish.

He's an idiot.

LadyFuchsiaGroan · 17/03/2019 08:28

I would definitely check your vitamin levels through pregnancy and breastfeeding. I'm not vegan or vegetarian and needed b12 injections when pregnancy and since breastfeeding I am low in folic acid- both b12 and folate deficiency left me feeling pretty ill.

BertrandRussell · 17/03/2019 08:30

“Somewhat different, but dh spent my pregnancy nagging me to eat fruit - I just don't like the stuff. ”

Complete side track-but this fascinates me! My ds is the same- he’s 18 and hasn’t eaten fruit since he was 18 months old! How can you not like all fruit?

Waffles80 · 17/03/2019 08:31

Would love to see evidence of this too: If you're a life long vegan, then you can actually make yourself ill to suddenly eat meat.

adaline · 17/03/2019 08:33

After a quick google, the research seems to say that there's no scientific evidence for it being a problem but that a lot of people have reported it as being an issue isywim.

I think it could just be as simple as your stomach not being used to digesting meat and finding it very difficult.

CostanzaG · 17/03/2019 08:34

I think it's a bit shit you make your DH keep his food in the garage. If he's paying half the mortgage then he has a tight to keep his food in the house.

I'm a vegetarian but would not dream of making DH keep meat elsewhere. It goes in the fridge / freezer like everything else. I have also not made DS vegetarian. He can choose when he's older ...that's not my decision to make.

flumpybear · 17/03/2019 08:35

As much as I disageee with vegan and even vegetarian when it comes to babies, children and feeding them etc, I realise my opinion is simply thst and others have rights to their own choices

I wouldn't listen to anyone unqualified albeit as my husband/ baby's dad had worries, I would take advice from a specialist nutritionist to ensure the best for my baby

adaline · 17/03/2019 08:35

Unless there’s going to be a massive drip feed about the DH’s mobility, I can't see why going to the garage is such a huge hardship.

If you had to go outside to the garage every single time you wanted milk for tea, would that not start to piss you off?

It's controlling because there's absolutely no need for it. Milk or a packet of ham or some cheese in a fridge is normal!

BertrandRussell · 17/03/2019 08:36

“He can choose when he's older ...that's not my decision to make.”

But you have chosen to make him a meat eater........

Perty01234 · 17/03/2019 08:36

Will your DC be vegan?

Trenzalor · 17/03/2019 08:37

Two vegan pregnancies, two healthy vegan children. There are lots of us. X

holly1501 · 17/03/2019 08:38

No one should force you to do anything you're not comfortable with.

TheNavigator · 17/03/2019 08:43

The OP asked about her DH wanting her to eat meat, so I am not sure why all these posters are telling her what food to have in the fridge - she didn't ask about that!

As you will see from this thread, OP, there is a lot of ignorance about and I would not be confident your health care professionals were necessarily knowledgeable about a vegan. I think you probably know more about a healthy vegan diet, so just reassure your DH and enjoy your pregnancy.

CostanzaG · 17/03/2019 08:46

But you have chosen to make him a meat eater........

I've chosen to give him a varied diet. I'm not vegetarian out of some moral stance . I have an eating disorder which means I struggle with textures of certain foods. It's meant I have a very limited diet and I hate it. It causes me lots of social embarrassment and stress. I don't want my son to go through the same. I have always offered all types of food to enable him to develop his palate....which after extensive research and talks with dieticians we decided was the best way.

FamilyOfAliens · 17/03/2019 08:47

The OP asked about her DH wanting her to eat meat, so I am not sure why all these posters are telling her what food to have in the fridge - she didn't ask about that!

It was in her OP that non-vegan food is kept in the outside fridge.

But I’m sure the OP will let people know if she’s unhappy with any of the responses.

Rollercoasteryears · 17/03/2019 08:48

He is no doubt worried, I get why you're upset OP, his suggestions show that he doesn't truly get what a fundamental part of who you are this is. As a lifelong vegetarian, I think it's hard for meat eaters to truly understand that, so you probably need to explain it to him and reassure him that you will ensure that you and the baby get all the nutrients you need and will take medical advice about how to do this in a way which is consistent with your beliefs.

To all those saying she's being controlling by asking him to keep any animal products outside the house, what nonsense. He knew she was vegan when they got together, I expect she made it clear to him before they lived together that she'd find it difficult to live in a house with animal products in it and he chose to live with her knowing that. That's not her being controlling, it's him being respectful of her beliefs.