DP just not turning up home!?

[checkuser]

DP and I don't live together so only have one set of keys.

I went out a few weeks ago and he stayed in with our 2 year old. I came home at just after 2:30 in a taxi fairly drunk. I'd messaged back when he'd messaged me within 15 minutes latest every time.

He's gone on about it since, about how it was irresponsible and immature for me to turn up drunk at 'that time' (don't 100% disagree!) and about how when he goes out next to be prepared for him turning up at around the same time at the same level of drunkness. Which was fair to me, otherwise it would have been hypocritical, and as long as he's quiet coming in I don't mind.

So, he's gone out tonight. I've told him he can stay here afterwards. He's told me to leave the door open because he plans on being in late (even though he knows I hate leaving the door open). I left it open from when I went to sleep. I woke up at 3.35am with no sign of him anywhere, the last picture on social media being of him with some guy in a house somewhere. Proceeded to spend the next 20 minutes calling and messaging with no response. Still got nothing.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous that he went on since my night out about how I'm an immature drinker for coming in drunk at 2:30 in a taxi, yet I'm sat here at past 4am not knowing where he even is with no sign of him turning up home!!?

The biggest issue here is that he seems to be punishing you for having a night out. As long as you had someone caring for you child (which you did - their dad!!) You weren't being irresponsible at all and it's very controlling of him to react the way he did.

My ex was like this - he didn't like me going out and used to complain if I didn't text constantly and if I came home late and drunk.

Now, I go out with DH's blessing and have zero issues about what time I come in or in what state. And we have a 4 year old.

I'm guessing he's controlling in other ways too.

He's a petty twat. And he's a judgy, controlling twat for thinking there's anything with you getting pissed and coming home at 2.30. I'd bin him off if I was in your shoes, OP.

This is more than tit for tat, it's tit for tat squared. Incredibly childish behaviour.

He's turned up now stinking of alcohol, trying to contain his laughter with a big cut on his eyebrow. Think everyone is right that this is someone too immature to be with!!!!

It’s lucky that you don’t live together OP. It’ll make it far easier to finish with the immature loser!

Petty, petty, petty. That kind of tit-for-tat power-play indicates that it really isn't a grown-up relationship. I think you were probably right splitting the first time.

Today your going to be annoyed OP and he's going to be a stinking lazy mess. He'll be no added value today.
Open your curtains, strip your bed, Pack his weekend bag up and push him out the door to "Go sleep it off" at his Mum's house as you and toddler "have playing and things to do" Do not let him settle or get into bed. Quick turn around and out he goes.

*you're. (Gnnn)

Sounds like you have two children on your hands OP 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Trying to contain his laughter?

He planned this all a big joke. You had a night out, and he wasn't happy about it so to punish you, he's gone out and told you to leave the door open. He knew you'd either stay up waiting or wake up periodically because you don't like the door being unlocked, so you'd not get a restful sleep. Then he stayed out all night.
So he left you to worry all night; worry about him and worry about security. And now he thinks is hilarious. This was your punishment for going out. You're with someone who will punish you with emotional control everytime you do something he doesn't like.

Cut your losses and leave.

I'm fuming he is literally giggling to himself about it. I've made him go in the shower before he even comes near DS smelling like that.

I think it's even worse as DS has been in hospital for the majority of this week and I still clearly intentionally didn't answer his phonecalls/messages last night and thinks it's okay to turn up like this!

Send him back to his mum's. Don't put up with this shit. It will only get worse.

It's very out of character for him too which makes it worse for me as it seems pretty obvious it's been since my night out!

He hasn't stayed over at yours as you offered, he stayed out all night (fine up to him but rude to keep you waiting up with an unlocked door & a toddler) and he's turned up steaming drunk in the morning. Ach there's no quality time in that - if he wants to just sleep or stay in/rest, he needs to go back home to his own place to do that.

He's pathetic, I'd cut you losses, lock the door and make sure he's on the cold side.

Yep - total man toddler not even a man child. Cut your losses and dump him

He's controlling......he's hoping you'll not go out again because it's not worth the hassle.

He's a childish, controlling dick who wants you at home not out enjoying yourself.

No OP. When he comes out the shower, you send him home. Then you arrange a contact day for him to see his son and you take it from there.

Don't stay in a controlling relationship. It always starts like this. One or two complaints about you staying out late, a retaliation as punishment, then it moves to telling you that you cannot go out, then it just gets worse and worse.

It wasn't an accident. He thinks it's funny!! Don't stay, or you'll be back on here in 5 years with another kid and an abusive husband, and you'll be asking for help. And by then it will be harder to leave.

Well he certainly taught you a lesson didn’t he! You better be in by 12am next time! Or maybe even better - just stay in waiting for him to come and see you.

I think some relationships are death by a thousand cuts. This would make good inroads into me not feeling anything

This^^^

Even worse OP.

Please put his stuff back in his bag, as soon as he's changed and put it by door, and tell him one last cuddle for DS before he goes home to sleep it off. Bus service etc is not your problem, get him out that door asap.

He's no good to anyone today, has turned up drunk in the morning to waste your day like an idiot, and his mum can watch him/look after him for the head injury/bump he had, not you. You've got an actual child to look after.

There was nothing wrong with your night out. Don't let him guilt or gaslight you into blaming yourself for this infantile tit for tat bollocks, during the week that your DC needed hospital care he's found a way to get your attention like a jealous sibling. What timing. Red flag central.

Don't get those keys cut. His reaction to your night out was utterly childish, his behaviour last night and today even more so. He's not going to improve.

If he hadn't turned up I would have replied to his "sorry" text with me too i almost thought it would work out this time but as he is there.....tell him he needs to leave

I would never leave my door unlocked for anyone, to keep my children safe. I dont think you should have to respond to text messages when you're out, so stop yourself from doing it next time. Problem is, your place isn't his home. So when he's drunk he is automatically going to navigate towards his parents home. I don't understand why you'd want him at yours in a drunken state. I don't think you can really say anything to him as he hasnt actually done anything wrong. Next time don't leave your door unlocked for anybody.

Turning up in that state in the morning - even if he did live with me I'd pack him off to his mums to wallow in his hangover, I wouldn't want my child (or myself) having to tiptoe around his headache all day.

He sounds like an immature teenager.