DP just not turning up home!?

[checkuser]

DP and I don't live together so only have one set of keys.

I went out a few weeks ago and he stayed in with our 2 year old. I came home at just after 2:30 in a taxi fairly drunk. I'd messaged back when he'd messaged me within 15 minutes latest every time.

He's gone on about it since, about how it was irresponsible and immature for me to turn up drunk at 'that time' (don't 100% disagree!) and about how when he goes out next to be prepared for him turning up at around the same time at the same level of drunkness. Which was fair to me, otherwise it would have been hypocritical, and as long as he's quiet coming in I don't mind.

So, he's gone out tonight. I've told him he can stay here afterwards. He's told me to leave the door open because he plans on being in late (even though he knows I hate leaving the door open). I left it open from when I went to sleep. I woke up at 3.35am with no sign of him anywhere, the last picture on social media being of him with some guy in a house somewhere. Proceeded to spend the next 20 minutes calling and messaging with no response. Still got nothing.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous that he went on since my night out about how I'm an immature drinker for coming in drunk at 2:30 in a taxi, yet I'm sat here at past 4am not knowing where he even is with no sign of him turning up home!!?

I wouldn't want to be with someone who 'punished' me for a night out. It's shitty tit for tat behaviour

I don't get what you did wrong on your night out?

And why was he messaging you on your night out?

He sounds like a controlling childish twat. Why the fuck are you attempting to make another go of it?! Don’t be so daft, call it off and ‘just’ be co-parents together.
And for fucks sake, don’t leave your door unlocked at night... ever!

Has he ever stayed out all night before? If he's doing it as some sort of revenge he's a dick. If he often ends up at friends after a night out then I'd ignore.

Apparently sparkle farts, came home late after a night out on the town? This would be the sum total of the crime. In mitigation, do people usually come home early from being out on the tiles?

He doesn't sound like a prince among men, I agree with pp he's treated you badly to keep you apologetic. I hope he turns up eventually and you stand up for yourself, he isn't behaving respectfully!

I reckon you should make the split permanent love. When I go out, DH is home with the DC, and it doesn't matter a jot how pissed late I am. If I am pissed and he's still up when I get home, I'll talk at to him for a bit, then we go to bed. He gets up with the DC the next day, and brings me a cuppa. I do the same for him if he goes out. That's how a mutually respectful couple treat each other, and how you should be treated by your P.
Keep your door locked, and focus on your wee one. Your P sounds like an arse

He is acting like a twat.

Firstly why is it irresponsible and immature to come in drunk at 2.30? The only reasons I can think of are if you said you had chamged arrangements say were going to be back at 10 because he was planning to get the last bus back to his parents house, or you were in such a state you were in danger (passed out in an alleyway or something).Or if you were so noisy when you got in you woke everyone up. It doesn't sound like any of those things apply. It sounds like he doesn't like you going out drinking without him? Does he have trust issues?

Secondly the whole 'I'm going to get you back for doing behaviour I don't like by doing the same, but worse' is nasty and childish. In a relationship it's not the other adults role to 'punish' the other one especially not by being a hypocrite! If someone does something their partner doesn't like in a healthy relationship then they talk about it rationally and calmly and agree a compromise

I don't think I'd be letting him move back in any time soon, his behaviour reeks of immaturity, jealousy, control and pettiness

Presumably you woke him up when you came home, which is how he knows how drunk you were.

I don't think you can pretend it's a new relationship when you have a child together.

There's a reason you spilt up the first time. Probably because he's an arse.

Either split up or get a another key.

It is sensible to lock the doors when you retire for the night, didn't mother tell you this? You've got a child in your care - you must cultivate some common sense OP.

Why the tit for tat, it's probably best that u don't live together as the relationship doesn't sound great or like it's going to stand the test of time.

Be the bigger person op and don't rise to the games, all mums are allowed a night off!

When you do hear from him I would have serious words about your relationship!

Get keys cut?

Get rid more like!

What a twat he is.

Don't get a key cut for him, he's not old enough to use one.
He's trying to control your nights out, and it doesn't sound like you do it often. Living with his parents is the best place until he grows up.
Take the chance op, he's showing his colours - run a mile.

I wouldn't get another set cut. Id get rid of him! He is an idiot

Don't get more keys cut, just accept he's a lousy choice of partner.

For the avoidance of doubt, I mean dump the twat.

I couldn't imagine my Dp trying to teach me a lesson because I let my hair down and had fun! Why is he punishing you?!

Imagine you did the same back to him now? You'd never get out of this cycle! He's a fool

He has probably forgotten and gone back to his own place.

Is there an actual reason you are making life difficult by the father of your child who you are in a relationship with not having a key to the house?
Get a feckin key safe if needs be. Do you take the key when you go out and leave him there?

Do you seriously think that playing tit for tat is a healthy relationship?

I can see why you broke up the first time to be honest! He sounds very childish.

Thanks everyone. He's got in touch now, one word, 'sorry'. Nothing else.

Re the leaving the door open situation. We aren't in the UK and in a very quiet neighbourhood in a secured apartment block where the door to the building is always locked, so although I don't like it, it's the only circumstance that I'd leave my door open in.

Staying out all night without letting me know would drive me mad. Especially as he seems to be doing it as revenge.

OP this should be making you question your relationship as no doubt it’s a deliberate point scoring power play after you went out til 2:30
How was starting again going outside of this