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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu about this money?

148 replies

Tearsandfears · 16/03/2019 11:58

Im going on a short break with friends later this year. I arranged it with their agreement, and booked and paid the deposit.

That was 2 months ago. I sent all the info through and asked them to reimburse me but I've had no offers of payment since then. I sent an email this week as a reminder, heard nothing so then text them to advise of email. Get reply from friend 1 saying she will give me cash when she sees me (this might not be until the holiday) because she cant do a bank transfer or get the mpney to me any other way! Nothing from other friend yet.

I am currently £400 out of pocket. I'm not going to starve but it is pretty annoying- aibu to feel like that?

OP posts:
Original poster
Tearsandfears · 16/03/2019 11:59

I should have said deposit was £50 each, the balance has since fallen due so I've paid that as well.

OP posts:
Fishwifecalling · 16/03/2019 12:03

Tell them you need the money now please.

Gizlotsmum · 16/03/2019 12:04

I wouldn't have paid the balance without at least their deposits. If they new the plan, costs and payment due dates they are being very unreasonable not to pay you. How can your friend not do a bank transfer? Surely she can pay cash into your account at a bank? I would be concerned that you won't actually see any of the money and she will drop out of the holiday.

TeeniefaeTroon · 16/03/2019 12:05

Tell them to PayPal it to you. No charges for friends or family to do this.

Original poster
Tearsandfears · 16/03/2019 12:08

In my email i said i did need the money asap.

I didn't have any option not to pay the balance apart from cancelling the holiday.

Friend has a basic bank account, she says she cant do a bank transfer/ doesnt know how. She doesnt have easy access to the internet so online transfer is out. I dont really want £200 in cash from each of them though but that's preferable to not being paid at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tearsandfears · 16/03/2019 12:09

Again they 'can't do' paypal.

It's infuriating.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 16/03/2019 12:09

Are these friends who live nearby? It's really unfair of them - I'd make a huge fuss.

Isleepinahedgefund · 16/03/2019 12:11

Of course you're not unreasonable to be annoyed. This seems to be all too common, I see this thread on here every other week.

I hope you get paid before the holiday, but I'm not confident you will.

Original poster
Tearsandfears · 16/03/2019 12:12

One is 45 mins away by car, the other about 30 mins further. Neither of them drive though.

OP posts:
Fishwifecalling · 16/03/2019 12:13

They could get the bank to issue a bank cheque which they can then post to you.

Ringdonna · 16/03/2019 12:14

Hmmm sounds very dodgy to me. I wouldn’t have paid the bill until they all stumped up. Sounds like you will have a fun time if it happens......

HollowTalk · 16/03/2019 12:15

I can't believe they don't do online banking. Are you absolutely sure they don't? There are hardly any banks about! In any case they could phone the bank's call centre and ask for a transfer of money to your account.

Fishwifecalling · 16/03/2019 12:15

They just need to go to the counter and ask for a cheque made payable to tearsandfears.

Todaythiscouldbe · 16/03/2019 12:15

They can both go in to their bank, with your bank details, and the bank can do the transfer for them if they can't do it. If I'm honest though, I don't know anyone, from my 75 year old mother to my teenager who wouldn't know how to do this themselves, or get a bankers draft. Good luck

Ohgodtheresaspider · 16/03/2019 12:16

Cant they go to the bank & ask them to transfer the money?

IWantChocolates · 16/03/2019 12:17

They can at least get the cash, go to the local branch of your bank with your account number and sort code and pay the money into your account.

Fishwifecalling · 16/03/2019 12:18

today I've never done a bank transfer I just get my personal banker husband to do it when I need to.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 16/03/2019 12:21

I arranged it with their agreement

Do you mean that you all mutually decided on it or that you personally suggested it and then went ahead with the planning after they nonchalantly said "Yeah, why not" ?

I'd test the water and say you might have to cancel it, as you can't afford to pay for it upfront.

If they seem happy with this, it means they were never really that bothered and so the holiday could have been very awkward, maybe with them resenting you for encouraging them to spend their money on it.

Assuming that they do want to go on the holiday, this may spur them on to do something about actually paying for it.

It massively annoys me when people claim that they can't pay their own share (when due or indeed ever), but they assume that you can and are willing to pay everybody's.

I agree with PP that, if they don't pay up before the holiday, when it could still be in jeopardy, they're very unlikely to pay when it's been and gone and nobody can take it away from them. It's very easy to 'forget' to pay after the event - a bit like when people sign up to a 1-year car insurance policy, agreeing to pay in 12 instalments, crash the car in the first month and then get outraged when they're still expected to make the payments for the annual policy that they signed up for.

Except it's even more outrageous when they expect their friend to sub them and not a massive insurance company.

Original poster
Tearsandfears · 16/03/2019 12:22

Friend 1 says she 'cant do' any kind of transfer. She has a cash card not debit if that's relevant. I know she pays rent and gas/ electric in cash. She doesn't work nead a bank so I expect eill say she can't get to one during opening hours

No idea about Friend 2 as she hasn't replied! Although it is not impossible I'll get a similar response...

OP posts:
generalh · 16/03/2019 12:25

I would send an email saying if they don`t pay up by X date you are going to ask others to go instead. They are just trying it on in my opinion.

Original poster
Tearsandfears · 16/03/2019 12:25

Friend 1 originally suggested it. I did the arranging because of her limited access to the internet. Invited friend 2 and another when we found a place friend 1 and I liked but friend 3 couldn't make the dates.

OP posts:
sobeyondthehills · 16/03/2019 12:25

I have a basic bank account and can do bank transfers, I would be telling them that you need the money or you are cancelling

ChestOfFields · 16/03/2019 12:26

I have a basic bank account (credit union) and I quite often transfer money to my daughters bank account (nationwide but would work with any bank account!)
So they could transfer you the money if they wanted to!

I hope too that they are ok for cash, otherwise they might say, on the holiday,
'If I give you the 200 I owe you, then I'll have no spending money!'

IHateUncleJamie · 16/03/2019 12:26

Tbh I’d say “Money by x date or I cancel”. If they’re willing to be such CFs I can’t imagine wanting to go on holiday with them. They’re trying it on.

AnneOfCleanTables · 16/03/2019 12:27

Can you drive? It's a faff but you could meet for a catch up and drive her to a bank. At least then you won't be out of pocket.