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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu about this money?

148 replies

Tearsandfears · 16/03/2019 11:58

Im going on a short break with friends later this year. I arranged it with their agreement, and booked and paid the deposit.

That was 2 months ago. I sent all the info through and asked them to reimburse me but I've had no offers of payment since then. I sent an email this week as a reminder, heard nothing so then text them to advise of email. Get reply from friend 1 saying she will give me cash when she sees me (this might not be until the holiday) because she cant do a bank transfer or get the mpney to me any other way! Nothing from other friend yet.

I am currently £400 out of pocket. I'm not going to starve but it is pretty annoying- aibu to feel like that?

OP posts:
Foxmuffin · 16/03/2019 13:03

YANBU
It’s unreasonable to assume that someone can front the cost of their holiday!

Mememeplease · 16/03/2019 13:03

It will save angst if you just drive and collect it.
Personally I'm not sure I'd want to go with them with that attitude. I'd look into seeing how much it would cost to transfer into dh and dcs names.
It should be their problem and they should sort it. You've asked for it, they should put themselves out to give it to you. Do you normally have a problem being assertive?

heartshapedknob · 16/03/2019 13:03

How did they manage to get passports? Applications need posting, and payment via debit card etc.

They’re either willfully incompetent or expecting you to stop asking eventually so they get a free holiday by the sounds of it.

FrangipaniBlue · 16/03/2019 13:03

Why can't they phone up their banks and ask them to do a transfer?

Original poster
Tearsandfears · 16/03/2019 13:04

We're all in our 40s. Like I say though this is not just in relation to the holiday they're this incapable all the time. My PIL are nearly 30 years older and are always doing stuff online, using PayPal, eBay etc. Friends can't do any of that!

OP posts:
MumUnderTheMoon · 16/03/2019 13:04

Your "friend" could set up a paypal account in less than five minutes and link it to her "basic" bank account. She's making excuses. Tell your mates that if they don't pay you by Monday they won't be going.

Original poster
Tearsandfears · 16/03/2019 13:07

No idea how they did passports...paid in cash at post office maybe?

I'm sending another text now saying that I need money transferred by Friday this week or I'll be coming to collect it on Sat, if they still want to come and if not I'll just take DP and DC instead.

OP posts:
LoubyLou1234 · 16/03/2019 13:08

I'd arrange a date in a weeks notice and say I'm coming to get the cash or you aren't going. It's ridiculous in 2019 and it's gonna annoy you until you get it....

DarlingNikita · 16/03/2019 13:08

Your friend can't call the bank because of phone charges but she can afford to go on holiday??

She's having you on I'm afraid.

Yes, agreed. She's after a holiday at your expense.

Having thought about it again, I now think you should find nicer people to take with you and tell these two exactly why.

AnnaComnena · 16/03/2019 13:09

I don't do online banking. I do have a cheque book. I don't write cheques very often these days, but paying back a friend who has booked something is just the type of situation when I would write one. Writing a cheque and dropping it in the post is much easier than getting friend's bank details and going to a bank to get money transferred.

Tixywixy · 16/03/2019 13:10

I'd arrange to pick up the cash as they might 'forget' to bring the cash and both leave you out of pocket and ruin the friendship,

CantStopMeNow · 16/03/2019 13:14

They're blatantly taking the piss out of you OP, some 'friends' you got there!

They cant/ wont do anything new, and also think I'm loaded so it doesnt matter if I wait for the cash...they're this incapable all the time

Why exactly do you want to go away ABROAD with this pair of selfish, piss taking cunts?
How much do you want to bet that you end up bailing them out financially whilst on holiday too because they've either 'run out of cash' or 'can't use any other method to access cash'?

Why exactly are you even friends with them?
I'm surprised they even know how to wipe their own arses....

UnspiritualHome · 16/03/2019 13:14

If friend 1 can't get to the bank and hasn't got a cheque book, she can contact her bank to ask for one.

1forAll74 · 16/03/2019 13:25

I hope you will be able to get all the money, but its all a long drawn out thing going on here. What are these women going to be like on this break? Best that you go on the break with your family, you should not be having to do all this messing about re money.

I am in my mid 70's, I don't have a smart phone thing, but have a laptop,and can do all things on it,, just saying like ha ha, not all oldies are out of touch with things.

N2986 · 16/03/2019 13:26

Without being awful op you sound like your making excuses for them. Just send them a text saying you need the money by X date or you will have to cancel the holiday as you've had an unexpected expense.

Even if they have a basic bank account they can still make transfers to other accounts. It's not your problem to work out. They owe you the money it's their responsibility to make sure it's paid

cuppycakey · 16/03/2019 13:28

They are taking the piss.

Why did you want to go on holiday with them? They sound hopeless.

thenightsky · 16/03/2019 13:29

Writing a cheque and dropping it in the post is much easier than getting friend's bank details and going to a bank to get money transferred.

^^absolutely this!

Iloveacurry · 16/03/2019 13:30

Can’t they send a cheque?

AcrossthePond55 · 16/03/2019 13:39

....also think I'm loaded so it doesn't matter if I wait for the cash.

This is it, I'm afraid. They have the mindset that you don't need the money, they do and therefore why should they be bothered? I think you need to take a look at the friendship(s) and think about how often you are the one to stump up money for activities or pay for meals. And how often are the things you do based on your budget rather than theirs. I don't have a problem if someone 'in a better position' pays for things when it's truly out of budget for someone else, but you have to be careful not to create a feeling of "Oh, XXX can pay for it, they can afford it!!".

Get the money for the current plans, but then remember in future to make it either 'cash in advance' and consider carefully whether or not your friends can really afford whatever it is that's being suggested.

AlwaysCheddar · 16/03/2019 13:42

Can’t ypu drive over and collect the money, have a day out in their direction?

Andylion · 16/03/2019 13:46

Can I ask, as someone who doesn't live in the UK, what is meant by "bank details"? When I transfer money to someone (here in Canada) all I need is their email address.

MitziK · 16/03/2019 13:50

DP opened a basic bank account until a few years ago after he split up with his girlfriend. The whole point of them is to enable people to function in the modern world when they don't have a great deal of money, ID documents and suchlike - he had a payment card he could use online and in shops, could set up direct debits/standing orders, receive wages/benefits/transfers, use PayPal and run his account online or by telephone. All the friend with the cash card needs to do is ask her bank for a payment card - or open up a basic account with a different bank that provides one as standard. Like NatWest, for example.

So I'm smelling a big fat lie here. If they are receiving benefits, they are going into a bank account and they are getting hold of their money somehow. If they're working cash in hand, that's (illegal) slightly more understandable that they wouldn't want a record of money going into their accounts, but it's a doddle to get a prepaid card. The other one's husband could easily write you a cheque.

Travis1 · 16/03/2019 13:51

@Andylion sort code and account number

Andylion · 16/03/2019 13:54

Thanks @Travis1. I often wondered what the big deal was. It seems it is more complicated.

Andylion · 16/03/2019 13:56

OP, even if you get the money, how will they be as travel companions? Will you have to do everything for them if you do go on this trip? That's assuming they actually can afford to go. How will they pay for things? Will they be able to get to a bank to get different currency?

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