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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu about this money?

148 replies

Tearsandfears · 16/03/2019 11:58

Im going on a short break with friends later this year. I arranged it with their agreement, and booked and paid the deposit.

That was 2 months ago. I sent all the info through and asked them to reimburse me but I've had no offers of payment since then. I sent an email this week as a reminder, heard nothing so then text them to advise of email. Get reply from friend 1 saying she will give me cash when she sees me (this might not be until the holiday) because she cant do a bank transfer or get the mpney to me any other way! Nothing from other friend yet.

I am currently £400 out of pocket. I'm not going to starve but it is pretty annoying- aibu to feel like that?

OP posts:
WeMarchOn · 16/03/2019 12:42

Are your friends stuck in the 1980's? Her husband doesn't use a computer? Surely they have smart phones? Poor excuses by both of them

Mememeplease · 16/03/2019 12:43

You don't have to accept these excuses you know. Any kind of decent friend would find a way. If she won't, she's no friend. Tell her you need the money by x date or she won't be coming.

Your other friends dh can write a cheque.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/03/2019 12:43

So you haven't actually seen other of them since you booked it?
Do you drive? Can you offer to go and collect the cash?

You need a voice call.

If they don't answer send a message saying youve not had any contact, you're hope they're OK and you will try and cancel their place or find a replacement as it appears thry cannot come.
If they do answer, offer to collect or arrange in the middle.

At the vest least that money should be drawn out in cash waiting for you

Auntpetunia2015 · 16/03/2019 12:44

Oh I’ve had this. I got shafted for a few hundred a while ago for concert tickets. When nothing was forthcoming I sent a text saying assuming you don’t want to come I’m gonna sell the tickets as you’ve not paid! Suddenly all money was in my bank ..though I did get one “friend” saying that I was out of order as now she was skint...told her it wasn’t my problem we’d all been trying to get the tickets and I’d got through and more than £500 not paid back was making me skint. If she didn’t want to go she should have so also told her to sell the ticket if she wanted. CFs

PregnantSea · 16/03/2019 12:44

They are all choosing not give you the money. There is always a way, they are just making pathetic excuses. Don't put up with it.

LakieLady · 16/03/2019 12:44

Friend 1 sounds like she's got money troubles, tbh, why else would she not have a debit card or pay stuff by DD?

Friend 2 can ask her husband to write you a cheque!

I'm afraid I can see this going tits up.

Albadross · 16/03/2019 12:47

People can't just refuse to do things that we all have to do if we want to function in society. So ridiculous of them.

Bringbackthestripes · 16/03/2019 12:48

Tell them to send a cheque. If they are so incapable of using internet banking they must still have cheque books.

Original poster
Tearsandfears · 16/03/2019 12:49

Friend 1 definitely doesnt have a debit card.

That said there are things they can both do that are better than just saying they'll pay when they see me. I could go and get the money but I feel that enables them. Although it does mean I will get the money!

The phone thing is awful...neither has a proper smart phone. When we arrange to meet as a group I have to do it all by multiple texts because they dont always check emails and neither of them can get/ use messenger or whatsapp Angry

OP posts:
LoubyLou1234 · 16/03/2019 12:52

A friend who doesn't do online banking went into the bank to transfer the money she owes me. Cheques are still a thing write one and post it!

I've done things like this but friends sort it so I'm not out of pocket. They are railing the Piss!!

Mememeplease · 16/03/2019 12:52

How does friend 1 ever get cash if she doesn't have a card or never goes to a bank?

LoubyLou1234 · 16/03/2019 12:52

*taking the piss!!

LarryGreysonsDoor · 16/03/2019 12:52

Can you still get postal orders?

JaniceBattersby · 16/03/2019 12:53

Where do these friends live? 1994?

I’d just breezily tell them you’re driving over there to get the money this afternoon. Then do it. At least you’ll have the cash.

MoveOnTheCards · 16/03/2019 12:53

‘I need the money by (date) or i’ll cancel’ is a bit moot as they’ve paid nothing so stand to lose nothing. With all these really lame excuses it sounds to me like they’re not that arsed.

I would look into whether you can get any refund or go with someone else.

Original poster
Tearsandfears · 16/03/2019 12:55

It's a cash card only..so can get money from a cashpoint but not pay in a shop. I had one many years ago... I've known friend many years and she's only ever had that kind of card.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 16/03/2019 12:55

Whats with all this aversion to, or ignorance of technology? I thought it was just old people who (allegedly) have these problems? Are your friends very old? Shock It's just excuses, isn't it? They don't want to part with their cash. Tight as ticks, both of them!

heartshapedknob · 16/03/2019 12:55

If they ‘can’t do’ a transfer they ‘can’t go’ on holiday then can they.

They could get cash and post via special delivery of online is impossible. Not your problem how they get the money to you.

DarlingNikita · 16/03/2019 12:56

I’d just breezily tell them you’re driving over there to get the money this afternoon. Then do it. At least you’ll have the cash.

I agree with this. They're both taking the piss massively.

Then I'd probably drop them. Well, after the holiday. They sound very inconsiderate and selfish.

Original poster
Tearsandfears · 16/03/2019 12:57

Honestly i think theyre incompetent and a bit thoughtless. They cant/ wont do anything new, and also think I'm loaded so it doesnt matter if I wait for the cash.

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 16/03/2019 13:00

Very infuriating. I'd be checking if you can transfer the holiday to you dp and dc.

I might send a group email saying that you be not been paid back which is putting you in a difficult financial position, please can they get the money to you in the next week.

It is very much their problem to sort out how they get the money to you.

Kittykat93 · 16/03/2019 13:00

Your friend can't call the bank because of phone charges but she can afford to go on holiday??

She's having you on I'm afraid. These so called friends sound ridiculously flaky and I don't think you'll see a penny.

thenightsky · 16/03/2019 13:01

Are they very old? I ask because I have a friend who is 80 and she pays me cash when I book our weekends away. Having said that, she's a whizz on a smartphone, whatsapping photos around. Refuses to use an email address though Hmm

allypally999 · 16/03/2019 13:02

Are these "friends" living in the dark ages or just taking the piss? I think you need new friends - good luck with getting the money out of these neanderthals. I know people in their 80s and 90s who would have found a way to pay you up front (in fact older people LIKE to pay quickly). You are too nice for them

chickensub · 16/03/2019 13:02

I'd be telling them both if I don't have money by x then I'm taking other people. You are not a bank to lend money. Time value of money counts, not just eventually paying it back in an inconvenient way.

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