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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents own choice

100 replies

Mummyto3loons · 15/03/2019 02:31

Me and my friend got into a bit of a disagreement the other day.. she doesn’t allow her son and treats i.e chocolate sweet juice. So the other day when she came to mine my son was eating a milky bar and he went to share with her LO and she pulled him away so I said what’s the harm in him having a small bite and she went off on one it’s bad for his teeth and not to mention it will effect his weight Shock I was in utter shock as my friend will sit and binge on such food on a night so when I pointed this out she said I need it for when I am on (TMI) I told her that when I last visited the dentist with my boys I asked on the harm a small amount of chocolate or sweets would do and he said in small amounts it’s fine and I told her he said babies/toddlers having dummies can be worse on teeth yet she allows him to sit with a dummy in all day.. I get every parent is different we all do things to suit us but I just don’t agree that it’s fine for her to eat the good stuff and not her LO

OP posts:
NewSchoolNewName · 15/03/2019 02:39

How old is her DC? Maybe she wants to stop him eating it to try and avoid him getting a liking for it, especially if she has cravings for sweet foods.

And she’s got a point about sweet things being bad for health.

cranstonmanor · 15/03/2019 02:43

It's not for you to agree or disagree. Your parenting isn't better or worse than hers. You are not more right ir wrong than she is.

AgentJohnson · 15/03/2019 03:08

It’s her kid, she decides. Personally, I don’t think it’s smart labelling unhealthy food as treats but each to their own.

I have a terrible sweet tooth and trying to cut down, fortunately DD doesn’t because she doesn’t have sweet treats at home.

Readytogogogo · 15/03/2019 03:14

It's not really any of your business.

NerrSnerr · 15/03/2019 03:30

Other parents have different views and approaches. Unless they're doing something obviously dangerous you just smile and nod.

I have friends who are really strict with their children's diet- i always check if it's ok for them to have some of what my child is having or make sure they're just having fruit etc if they are at my house.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 15/03/2019 03:52

It’s her child, so she gets to decide and it isn’t okay for you to question her decisions.

Ouchmytoe · 15/03/2019 05:13

Sugar is addictive so it's not unreasonable to want him to be kept away from it.

toomuchtooold · 15/03/2019 05:15

If she binges on sweet food herself I can totally understand why she doesn't want her boy to develop a taste for it.

swingofthings · 15/03/2019 05:20

My DD hated any sort of chocolate or cakes until she started going to parties with the inevitable birthday cake. She refused any at first until she was made to feel by other parents that of course she should have a piece of the cake. She got the taste of it after a few parties and end up loving chocolate and the rest.

Not that I had an issue with it but I can understand not wanting to give kids a flavour of it to avoid dealing with temptation for as long as possible. Its her choice as a parent to do so and not for you to argue.

user1483387154 · 15/03/2019 05:29

It's none of your business

Bloodybridget · 15/03/2019 05:34

Sweets aren't actually "the good stuff" - much as we might enjoy them! Lots of parents try to keep their DCs off chocolate and sugary stuff as long as possible.

systemwwr · 15/03/2019 05:38

Sugar negatively impacts the immune system, which is under developed in younger children. Just one reason why a parent might not want their child to consume excess sugar. As PP, just because an adult has an unhealthy evening habit why on earth does that make it something that their child should join in with?

This reminds me of someone who allows their teenager to smoke because they do. If it's unhealthy then it's unhealthy, particularly when it's addictive and affects children more.

Maybe you should ask her why before telling her what to do and trying to overstep the mark. Maybe you could learn something to apply to your own parenting?

Ceebs85 · 15/03/2019 05:38

It's not really anything to do with you. I'm a binge eater with a weight problem but I believe in "everything in moderation" for my DC rather than making things forbidden fruit. You're parenting your way, and she her way. There will be MANY things you disagree on.

EffYouSeeKaye · 15/03/2019 05:41

I think you said it yourself in your title. It’s the choice of the parent. Her choice has nothing to do with you, does it?

Palace13 · 15/03/2019 05:46

You do you, let her do her. We've all rolled our eyes over some rule another mother has when we think it's daft. Most of us heaps of times if we're honest.
But golden rule is you say Nothing. Zip it.
She's probably on this site somewhere with a post about mothers giving their kids chocolate. She would have no more right to be doing that - for all she knows the kid cleared a platter of vegies before she got the milky bar.
Don't sweat the small stuff.
If something is abusive, you act. No question.
Anything else is nobody's business. Just each mother doing her best (and probably worrying about whether she's getting it right)!

flumpybear · 15/03/2019 05:50

Denying food causes more psychological problems than allowing a few sweets but educating on the negatives imo

But saying that it's her child and she may have choice views about aspects of your parenting so I think the rules of keep out of it stand I'm afraid

sam221 · 15/03/2019 05:57

Look don't take it personally, most people are kind of winging and hoping, they are passing on good food relationships for their children's future.
I remember when I was at school,I must have been about 14 years old-there was a girl in another class, who get talking to me at 'break' time. Anyway it transpired her mother was super strict about all sugar related foods, she was 14 and have never tried a doughnut! I am not ashamed to admit, that i promptly purchased her one!!!Wink

Mmmmbrekkie · 15/03/2019 05:58

In front of her child you said “what’s the harm in him having a little bit?”

That was shitty of you

caughtinanet · 15/03/2019 06:04

You're in utter shook because another parent has a different view to you?

You must lead a very sheltered life.

AllPowerfulLizardPerson · 15/03/2019 06:19

"In front of her child you said “what’s the harm in him having a little bit?”

"That was shitty of you""

Agree

Restricting sweets is a perfectly ordinary parenting choice.

Undermining someone's parenting in front of their child is just plain wrong

Arowana · 15/03/2019 06:19

I always find it surprising how people who are close friends (so probably have similar backgrounds/views) can have very different parenting approaches. Neither of you are wrong, just different.

If your DC is little (3 or under) then I agree with your friend that he doesn’t need a milky bar.

Arowana · 15/03/2019 06:22

I once took my friend’s DC (age 10) to McDonalds when she was spending the day with us. I only found out later that she had never been before!! Blush

user1480880826 · 15/03/2019 06:26

It’s her choice. I don’t give my daughter sweets or chocolate or let her see me eating them (she’s two). I realise I can’t hide them from her forever but the longer I can keep her away from them the better.

I also think it isn’t good to consider unhealthy foods as treats. Food is just food. You eat some things in moderation.

Your friend can eat whatever junk food she likes but I hope she’s not eating it in front of her kids and then telling them that they can’t have it.

SmallIslandLass · 15/03/2019 06:27

My best friend is like this with juice her DC cant have any, they stayed with us a few days and he picked up the wrong sippy cup took a swig and she went into panic mode brushing his teeth

Her kid her rules unfortunately you dont have to agree with them

If she could see what my Dd2 eats after her mouth/palet operations shed have a heart attack all sweet puddings and squash anything to get her to eat

NorthernKnickers · 15/03/2019 06:27

You know you are being unreasonable...nobody can be this obtuse! Hmm

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