Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Parents own choice

100 replies

Mummyto3loons · 15/03/2019 02:31

Me and my friend got into a bit of a disagreement the other day.. she doesn’t allow her son and treats i.e chocolate sweet juice. So the other day when she came to mine my son was eating a milky bar and he went to share with her LO and she pulled him away so I said what’s the harm in him having a small bite and she went off on one it’s bad for his teeth and not to mention it will effect his weight I was in utter shock as my friend will sit and binge on such food on a night so when I pointed this out she said I need it for when I am on (TMI) I told her that when I last visited the dentist with my boys I asked on the harm a small amount of chocolate or sweets would do and he said in small amounts it’s fine and I told her he said babies/toddlers having dummies can be worse on teeth yet she allows him to sit with a dummy in all day.. I get every parent is different we all do things to suit us but I just don’t agree that it’s fine for her to eat the good stuff and not her LO

OP posts:

PrincessDaff · 15/03/2019 10:41

I only let my ds drink water or milk and I have had a few people asking me what the harm is letting him have some juice. I dont see why I would give him juice if he is perfectly happy drinking water. Your friend may think the same, why give him chocolate if he will happily eat an apple.

Original poster

Mummyto3loons · 15/03/2019 10:41

Cool have a wonderful joyous day

OP posts:

kaytee87 · 15/03/2019 10:44

I feel like if you don’t want your child to do something then don’t do it yourself

Seriously??? 😂😂😂😂

Ellisandra · 15/03/2019 10:47

“Try to get the full story”
You realise you’re the only one that has that? (or at least your biased version of it) What a ridiculous thing to say!

I don’t if you have helped her with issues in the past. A good friend doesn’t take to the internet to bitch about a “friend” doing something that’s well within the realms of normal parenting.

WorraLiberty · 15/03/2019 10:50

I feel like if you don’t want your child to do something then don’t do it yourself

In that case, we'd only ever have one child

thedisorganisedmum · 15/03/2019 10:52

I feel very sorry for her to have a "friend" like you, judgmental and not very bright in her reasoning. We'll just ignore the childish "she had a drug problem nonsense" shall we?

It has nothing to do with you, but it clearly make you question your own parenting and feel insecure if you can't comprehend someone making different choices.

As it happens, I actually completely agree with your friend, kids don't need to start sweet and junk food so early. By the time they are starting school there will be so many parties, birthdays, school cake sales and so on, they will catch up.

I feel like if you don’t want your child to do something then don’t do it yourself

someone call social services on us all who dare drinking wine in the same room as the kids

UterusesBeforeDuderuses · 15/03/2019 10:54

Op: asks for opinions
MN: gives opinions
Op: gets shitty that people don't have the exact same opinions as them
You sound like a delight op

thecatsthecats · 15/03/2019 10:57

Are you worried she might accidentally sniff a line in front of him, but deny him the same right?

If she's doing such a great job, why get up in arms about it, both to her face, and on the internet to strangers?

Your AIBU is basically:

SOMEONE IS DOING SOMETHING ENTIRELY HARMLESS DIFFERENTLY TO ME AND I WANT BACKUP SO I CAN TELL MY FRIEND (WHO HAS OVERCOME FAR WORSE THINGS) THAT YOU AGREE WITH ME.

Having helped her doesn't give you the right to dictate her life, you know.

Confusedbeetle · 15/03/2019 10:58

You should mind your own business. It is very difficult to keep children sugar fee especially when our culture is a sugar fest of "whats the harm" I know. I did it 40 years ago. You end up having to compromise . However I am surprised the dentist mad a tolerant comment. It is not all right. it does damage teeth. Sugar and carbonated drinks. The level of tooth decay in the country is a disgrace. Dummies are a different issue. They are more of a problem for speech that teeth although they can cause some drift ( not decay) Decay is commonly caused by sweet drinks in a bottle. The only thing your friend did wrong was to be a bit over-responsive about something not easy for her to control. You should not criticise her parenting. She did not tell you yours was wrong

paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking · 15/03/2019 11:09

I'm of the everything in moderation school but it doesn't mean I'm right. Its hardly child abuse to not want your child to develop a taste for sugar at an early age. Leave it be. Not really necessary for you to comment on that or the dummy.

ohtheholidays · 15/03/2019 11:12

They're only 2 years old,bloody hell I thought you were going to say alot older!

Two is still very young and pretty much all of the people that I'm friends with and that are parents wouldn't give chocolate and sweets to they're DC at that age.

Meralia · 15/03/2019 11:13

I don’t feed my dc chocolate or sweets and he only drinks water, but if someone else gave him some I wouldn’t step in. Just like if he makes cakes at nursery.

I’ve struggled with being overweight, so i don’t want to pass that legacy on to him, as I know there’s some evidence about obesity being genetic. I did the same with my older teenagers and they are slim.

I do still eat crap when they’re in bed though, as well it’s my choice what goes in my mouth, but it’s also my choice what my toddler eats (most of the time) so I feed him healthy unprocessed foods.

Lizzie48 · 15/03/2019 11:13

I agree with PPs that it isn't for you to judge your friend's parenting. She's right that sweets are very harmful to teeth. She clearly has a sweet tooth herself, and doesn't want her DS to fall into her bad habits.

Are you feeling defensive about allowing your DS to eat sugary treats?

Wheresthebeach · 15/03/2019 11:14

Don't undermine other people's parenting - esp in front of their kids.

Don't offer something to someone else's kid that you know they don't want them to have. People shouldn't have to defend their parenting decisions around food.

With the sugar issues our society has and the impact on teeth and health it sounds like she has a good approach to sugar - 2 yr olds don't need chocolate FFS and its not your kid so you don't get to make that dietary choice.

Yabbers · 15/03/2019 11:15

What a shitty mother trying to ensure her son doesn’t pick up her bad habits 🙄

She kicked a drug addiction. If sweets are her thing now, fair play to her.

You really aren’t the friend you think you are. No friend of mine would challenge me on something so trivial, especially when it’s something which follows pretty much every healthy eating guideline for small children.

Ever consider you are the one in the wrong for feeding your kid chocolate at a young age? Maybe you have and she brings out a deep seated guilt.

QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 15/03/2019 11:17

Every parent has different ways of parenting. You're not always going to agree with another parent's views and vice versa.

Lizzie48 · 15/03/2019 11:17

I've just seen the age of your DS and hers. I think 2 years old is way too young to be eating sugary treats like milky bars.

shirleyschmidt · 15/03/2019 11:18

She sounds a bit OTT and I've never gone in for the 'no unhealthy stuff ever' approach, so I'm with you. But then again we are as a nation overweight so I can't criticize anyone for trying to encourage a healthy approach at such an early age, there'll never be a better opportunity - or as much influence - in shaping a child's eating habits.

qazxc · 15/03/2019 11:24

To each their own, you and her are both entitled to your own parenting choices. YABU to undermine her choices in front of her DC though.

TwoRoundabouts · 15/03/2019 11:30

OP if she has addiction issues - first drugs then sugar - then she is trying to ensure her son doesn't go the same way.

This means don't go out of you way to offer sugar, chocolate or any stuff that is addictive to her child. If your child happens to offer her child some don't make a song and dance of it just ignore it as your child is doing the correct thing by sharing.

There are people among my family and friends who have alcohol problems. While I offer my nieces, nephews and younger people* alcohol I deliberately have never offered the ones who I know one parent/close relation has had a problem. I found out after I started doing that that there was more than one person in their families who have had addiction problems.

*They are young adults.

AnneOfCleanTables · 15/03/2019 11:35

Adults can drink alcohol, drive, get married, etc, etc. There are lots of things we do that DCs don't. It's perfectly fine to limit DC's sugar intake or any part of their diet regardless of what the adult eats or drinks.

Oliversmumsarmy · 15/03/2019 11:35

Arowana

Mine didn’t go to MacDonalds until they were in Senior school.

First time was when friend was out with ds and she took him and her ds into MacDonalds.

She admitted she didn’t believe me that he had never been in one until he asked for vinegar with his chips

Stargazer888 · 15/03/2019 11:40

I thought you were going to say they were 10. 2 is too young for them to be having chocolate bars. Special occasions sure, but not as a snack. I agree with her.

winsinbin · 15/03/2019 11:48

Unless a child is being hurt, abused, neglected or otherwise harmed, how other people parent isn’t anyone else’s business.

For the record I was a very strict parent who was (inwardly) very judgy of other people I thought were doing it ‘wrong’. All the children are adults now and mine haven’t done any better in their education, happiness, careers, mental and physical health or any other area of life than the parents I judged. With hindsight I could have taken the stick out of my arse a lot sooner.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 15/03/2019 11:50

For what it's worth I don't ban sugar either; you tell someone they can't have a certain thing and it instantly becomes more desirable. We don't have cordials/squash, fruit juices or sugar-laden ketchups in the house: I figure if DC is going to have sugar than it might as well take the form of the occasional chocolates, sweets and puddings. No sweets every day and we minimize the 'hidden' sugars in other sources. If 'friend' has imposed a complete sugar ban then she's potentially just storing up problems for the future. But it's not my place to tell her that. Nor is it yours.

You actually challenged her parenting decisions and undermined her in front of her child?

Of course YABU.

Flip

1 2 3 4