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AIBU?

Parents own choice

100 replies

Mummyto3loons · 15/03/2019 02:31

Me and my friend got into a bit of a disagreement the other day.. she doesn’t allow her son and treats i.e chocolate sweet juice. So the other day when she came to mine my son was eating a milky bar and he went to share with her LO and she pulled him away so I said what’s the harm in him having a small bite and she went off on one it’s bad for his teeth and not to mention it will effect his weight I was in utter shock as my friend will sit and binge on such food on a night so when I pointed this out she said I need it for when I am on (TMI) I told her that when I last visited the dentist with my boys I asked on the harm a small amount of chocolate or sweets would do and he said in small amounts it’s fine and I told her he said babies/toddlers having dummies can be worse on teeth yet she allows him to sit with a dummy in all day.. I get every parent is different we all do things to suit us but I just don’t agree that it’s fine for her to eat the good stuff and not her LO

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starshollow1 · 15/03/2019 06:31

"In front of her child you said “what’s the harm in him having a little bit?”

That was shitty of you"

^^

This! Your friend is parenting her child how she likes, mind your own business and stop being a shitty friend.

KM99 · 15/03/2019 06:32

It's fine to disagree on parenting, but unless a child is in harm it's not ok to voice that disagreement. How do you think your friend feels having her parenting choices questioned like that? How would you feel if she questioned yours? You should've kept your mouth shut.

On the actual subject I do agree it's extreme. I was raised in a house with zero limits on chocolate and I've had a lifelong obesity issue. I've seen friends whose parents massively restricted and they ended up binging on.the stuff in adulthood. I think the answer is a happy medium. We call junk food a "sometimes" food in our house and our DS knows we go to shop to buy it sometimes, it doesn't sit in the house.

Ellisandra · 15/03/2019 06:35

It’s not your business
It’s rude as fuck of you to challenge her (let alone comment)
Even worse in front of her child
You are not her friend - speaking to her like that then bitching on here?
The only people who think it’s “TMI” to mention menstruation are giggly children - grow up

Leave her alone - she has better friends than you.

PurpleDaisies · 15/03/2019 06:36

Is this a reverse?

Ellisandra · 15/03/2019 06:41

Also, it sounds like her son is still young enough not to have started grumbling for sweets when he sees them.

My children have had chocolate from a young age, but I avoided it too when they had no idea what it was. Yes, a small amount won’t harm them - but if they don’t know what it is and don’t ask for it - why introduce it? It’s far better to “bank” the early years of just not introducing it with no effort and argument at all, than start the sweet tooth off in a pointless way. What is one bite to you, could be the start of the end of the easy phase of not having to moderate it.

But that aside - it’s still not your business, she’s done nothing wrong, and you’re not a friend if you bitch on here about her!

Graphista · 15/03/2019 06:41

Absolutely none of your business!

Sugar we are only just starting to understand how addictive and harmful it is.

There may also be familial health issues she is guarding against of which you may be unaware.

I also note you very carefully didn't mention the age of the child. There's evidence that not giving children refined sugar in the first 1-2 years reduces the risk of developing diabetes in later life. Why this is the case is debated.

I had gestational diabetes when pregnant with dd as have all the women in my family and I was advised by Drs to not give dd refined sugar in her first year for precisely that reason. So we didn't.

That was our choice as parents and nobody else's business.

user1493413286 · 15/03/2019 06:46

I don’t necessarily agree with her way of doing it but she’s trying to teach her son good habits with sweets and chocolate possibly because no one did with her based on her binging , I imagine you’re doing the same just differently. It’s not your place to question her parenting.
The argument of her letting her son do it because she binges doesn’t really make sense. I do lots of things that I hope not to pass on to my DC.

Guineapiglet345 · 15/03/2019 06:54

It’s non of your business and you shouldn’t have challenged her, I imagine you felt she was implying you were a bad parent by letting your own son eat those foods.

HOWEVER I was that child that wasn’t allowed any sweets, chocolate, crisps or junk food and it just made me want it more and I eat far too much of it as an adult whereas DH who was allowed what he wanted as a child only eats it rarely and in moderation so I agree with you, but I’d just keep it to yourself next time.

Mummyto3loons · 15/03/2019 09:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 15/03/2019 09:27

Yeah, I think it’s obvious why your kids are described as such in your username. Badly behaved due to all the sugar you give them and your poor judgements on others.

kaytee87 · 15/03/2019 09:28

How old is the child?

It's really not any of your business and wasn't fair for you to question it in front of the child (or at all actually).

thecatsthecats · 15/03/2019 09:30

Ellisandra

I agree. Regarding the other thread about curry restaurants, I never had a Chinese until I was 16, and didn't have curry until I went to university. My parents don't like them, and there are hardly any where I grew up. Ditto, mostly, for pizza, burgers etc.

I banked years of general healthy lifestyle, and don't feel remotely deprived. It's very different from knowing those things are available and wanting them occasionally.

doIreallyneedto · 15/03/2019 09:34

@Guineapiglet345 - HOWEVER I was that child that wasn’t allowed any sweets, chocolate, crisps or junk food and it just made me want it more and I eat far too much of it as an adult whereas DH who was allowed what he wanted as a child only eats it rarely and in moderation

That very much depends on the child. I was very strict with my eldest. He got very little sugary food, mainly what he got at birthday parties. By the time I got to child number 3, I was worn down and he got way, way more and at a much earlier age. Child 1 and 2 eat very healthily by choice (they're 21 and 18, so I don't have much say in it these days). Child 3 (age 16) has a massively sweet tooth and would quite happily exist on junk food if he could. Neither of the other 2 were like that at his age.

Lungelady · 15/03/2019 09:35

Well your update speaks volumes

Chocolateheaven123 · 15/03/2019 09:35

It's not your choice.

I don't mind my son having a little bit of chocolate, but I control the amounts and how often (he's 2). My relative lets her 3 can year old have free access and I've seen her giving him a sharing bag of buttons at 10am. It's up to each of us how we parent.

My son has also never had McDonald's or the like (we never eat it ourselves and prefer to make it ourselves). I know a 'small bite wouldn't do him any harm' but we also don't want that shite in his system yet. If someone encouraged him to have it, I wouldn't be too pleased.

It's not up to you so back off. She's parenting how she sees fit

StandingOvulation · 15/03/2019 09:40

Can't imagine why she wants to spend time with such a charmer

Graphista · 15/03/2019 09:41

Well your update speaks volumes

Yep! Real charmer eh

Mummyto3loons · 15/03/2019 10:00

No she was from a very strict up bringing she has even fallen out with her mum and dad for how they brought her I am no way slagging her off she’s a fabulous mother and does everything she can for her boy I just agree that she will eat sweets chocolate in front of her son and has restricted him from having any personal it’s not what I would do I don’t swear in front of my children as I don’t want them to

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MammaMia19 · 15/03/2019 10:07

I don't agree with her but I don't agree with you under minding her infront of her child more! So rude!

kaytee87 · 15/03/2019 10:12

You've still not answered how old the child is

Mummyto3loons · 15/03/2019 10:34

This is why I said what I said the point is she does he sits in his high chair eating his meals while she will have bags of sweets bars of chocolate I think she is a wonderful mum but I feel like if you don’t want your child to do something then don’t do it yourself

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Mummyto3loons · 15/03/2019 10:34

He is 2 years old

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Mummyto3loons · 15/03/2019 10:37

For your information I am the one friend that has stuck by her helped her kick a drug habit got her away from an bad relationship so before you make your mind up on my friendship skill try get the full story

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Mummyto3loons · 15/03/2019 10:39

FYI I helped said friend kick a drug habit got her out of a shitty relationship I am the one friend that’s there day or night no matter what time when she needs me

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Graphista · 15/03/2019 10:40

Nothing in your updates changes my mind at all

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