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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a teacher should not call a pupil an idiot!

277 replies

Namechangedbecauseiwantto · 14/03/2019 17:10

Year 7, ds was messing with some magnet balls which he'd taken in without me knowing (he's not taking them into school again).
He got given a warning, and then second warning which means detention. I have no issue with this, he should do as he's told, but my issue is, he asked if he should take his stuff with him (at the end of the lesson when he'd been referred), the teacher replied "take your paper you idiot".
I have actually emailed the school to ask, and just been brushed off really. Aibu?

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 15/03/2019 11:12

If your ds doesnt like being referred to as an idiot then perhaps he should stop acting like one? And Id be totally fine with my sons being on the receiving end of such a comment if their behaviour merited it.

TeddybearBaby · 15/03/2019 11:21

Oh ok if he’s an idiot we can call him one. Is it ok if the rest of the kids agree and then the entire school can call him an idiot ‘because it’s true’. So we may as well call each other whatever we like ‘it’s true afterall’. ‘You are so ugly, you’re making me feel sick’ ‘what?! I think she’s gross and mr teacher said it’s fine to call other people names as long as it’s true’.

Not that I think your son is an idiot op just saying even if it’s the truth so what.

I’m sorry you’ve been treated so poorly @Missmarplesknitting. Absolutely not ok!! I can’t believe there’s nothing done about it x

Original poster
Namechangedbecauseiwantto · 15/03/2019 11:31

I've asked for this post to be deleted. Thanks to the lovely posters who have supported med thanks for the sensible balanced thought out posters who gave other side, but I am actually finding the vitriol being heaped upon me and ds quite upsetting and unnecessary.

OP posts:
Drogosnextwife · 15/03/2019 11:40

I don't blame you OP the absolute twatery of some people on here is shocking. Teachers don't get to do whatever they like just because their job is difficult. It's a lot less difficult than some people's jobs and they don't get away with using language like that.

Original poster
Namechangedbecauseiwantto · 15/03/2019 11:41

Thank you!

OP posts:
TeddybearBaby · 15/03/2019 11:49

I hope you’re ok. I don’t blame you either. I hope you have a great weekend x

Original poster
Namechangedbecauseiwantto · 15/03/2019 11:59

Thanks @teddy.
They won't delete it, so I'll just have to ignore it. You too.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 15/03/2019 12:07

Just click "hide". Job done.

Goldmandra · 15/03/2019 12:08

I think there's a mob mentality about this thread which certainly isn't MN at its best.

The teacher was irritated and behaved unprofessionally. I would expect to be disciplined at work if I called someone an idiot.

I've watched nursing staff at our local hospital being pushed beyond what would have been my limits in the last few months for various reasons. I'm in awe of them but, at the same time, would fully expect them to be subject to disciplinary action should any of them have called a patient an idiot.

I'm sorry this has upset you. I can guarantee that most of these posters would be responding very differently if they heard their own child being spoken to like that by a teacher.

Drogosnextwife · 15/03/2019 13:24

I think there's a mob mentality about this thread which certainly isn't MN at its best.

Definitely. It's fine to disagree but to call someone's child names and be over all nasty about a child is disgusting and that's what an awful lot of people on this thread have been doing. Jumped on the bandwagon because one IDIOT started it, now they think it's fine.

Amibeingnaive · 15/03/2019 13:41

Some real dick responses to the OP, here. She has no issue with sanctions imposed and has followed up at home. She's not letting her DS away with it.

Re the comment from the teacher: no, I don't think it is ok to call a child an idiot, especially if the phrasing was as described, where it seems purely out of spite, after the fact. Of course, call out their behaviour and tell them to stop acting the fool, but personal insults aren't professional or unavoidable.

I work with a great number of idiots and, indeed, arseholes on a daily basis. I somehow manage to keep my counsel and keep these and many more creative monikers to my inner monologue, because I know this isn't appropriate in the workplace. And I am a right gobshite, so if I can do it...

RhymingRabbit · 15/03/2019 13:49

Couldn't agree more. Some people on this thread really need to go and have a think about why they feel the need to call a child of 11/12 an idiot, a waste of space, a little shit etc etc....because he fiddled with some magnets then asked a question. I would have a class full of kids like this rather than meet one of you - adults who really should know better.

It has also made me realise that with adults like some of the posters on here parenting children - it is no wonder that children and young people have such high rates of mental illness.

It's ok for me to be abused by the kids, apparently.....
@Missmarplesknitting

No - it's not. And no one on this thread said it was. BUT if you can't see that it is part of the same problem then perhaps you shouldn't be teaching children. How do you think you calling the child who called you a cunt an equally bad name would improve things for either of you?

OP hide the thread and move on. You were not unreasonable in the first place, and despite that you took on the chin what people had said on this thread. Unfortunately, you will always have those on MN who don't read the full thread and just want to pile on - it really does say more about them than you or your boy. Good mums give a shit about people humiliating their kids, good mums advocate for their kids, good mums identify when their kids need punished and support it. You've done all of these things. Your boy will grow up knowing that you have his back. Flowers

YogaWannabe · 15/03/2019 13:54

Oh OP, my DDs teacher punches the children in the face and calls them cunts. I don’t bat an eyelid, they surely deserve it!
🙄
This place sometimes!
Of course it’s not ok to call a child names!
Flowers Don’t mind the angry swarms OP

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 15/03/2019 13:56

If ds came home and said he’d been called an idiot, I’d ask him what he was doing and say ‘well that will teach you- don’t be an idiot next time!’ (Maybe I’m an evil mum?!?) seriously though, as long as they weren’t called ct, wr, etc than I’d let it go, and hope it taught my ds a lesson.

Drogosnextwife · 15/03/2019 13:57

I can not understand why MNHQ won't delete this thread for the OP. It is packed with personal insults about her DS. Isn't that against the rules?

BarbarianMum · 15/03/2019 13:57

Yes that's completely comparable Yoga Hmm

YogaWannabe · 15/03/2019 14:01

Yes that's completely comparable Yoga
🤦🏼‍♀️

Yabbers · 15/03/2019 14:21

If I was being an idiot and my partner called me an idiot, I wouldn't consider that as being abusive.

YABU. Your son needs to toughen up and not whinge and deflect when he is quite rightly pulled up on it. Interested in what you've done about what he did or are you just leaving it to the school to deal with (as long as they use nice words about it)

Qwertylass · 15/03/2019 16:06

Let them get away with it and you end up with an incident like what's happened in my class today where a girl told me to piss off.

Qwertylass · 15/03/2019 16:07

Agree with snowy.

Drogosnextwife · 15/03/2019 16:23

Maybe you deserved to be told to piss off. I'm not sure how that's anymore disrespectful than a teacher telling a child they are an idiot.

Qwertylass · 15/03/2019 16:26

@dragons

This is a 10 yr old. I don't deserve it because I'm in charge and an adult.

Drogosnextwife · 15/03/2019 16:36

Ah because children are below adults because of their age.

The OPs DS didn't deserve to be called an idiot either but apparently it's fine because it was an adult who called him that.

Drogosnextwife · 15/03/2019 16:39

Let them get away with it

He wasn't let away with the bad behaviour, he was punished for it. He was called an idiot for asking a question. Also, I don't think calling a child an idiot helps with discouraging bad behaviour.

Qwertylass · 15/03/2019 16:43

How an earth can we control a class if teachers are treated the same as kids?