To think a teacher should not call a pupil an idiot!

[Namechangedbecauseiwantto]

Year 7, ds was messing with some magnet balls which he'd taken in without me knowing (he's not taking them into school again).
He got given a warning, and then second warning which means detention. I have no issue with this, he should do as he's told, but my issue is, he asked if he should take his stuff with him (at the end of the lesson when he'd been referred), the teacher replied "take your paper you idiot".
I have actually emailed the school to ask, and just been brushed off really. Aibu?

Not nasty imo, just the most likely explanation. Why else would a 12 yo come home to moan to his mum that he’d been called an idiot by his teacher!?... presumably he knows she’s the type who would be “that mum” and complain to the school about her darling boy.

Well, I don't know about you, but I like to talk to my children and they know they can talk to me about anything that bothers them, I find this is the basis of a good parent - child relationship. Sorry if it interferes with a particular school of schooling.

@Oakenbeach

I can guarantee if my DD said that to a member of staff she'd be in trouble. So why is it okay the other way round?

I teach my DC to respect others, so I don't expect an adult to disrespect them in return.

I won't tolerate it. Teachers and school staff don't get a pass to insult or be rude to children.

If they do it with some children, I won't have it with mine.

Respect is a 2 way street

I used to help out at DCs school when they were in primary school and I heard some teachers say similar things or speak to a child in a way they wouldn't if the parent was around.

Bad behaviour should absolutely be dealt with...but insults just demonstrate the teacher is unable to handle it.

Some of the kids are a pain in the neck...but you don't say that to them, just like you wouldn't say that to a colleague, who was a prat.

Well, I don't know about you, but I like to talk to my children and they know they can talk to me about anything that bothers them, I find this is the basis of a good parent - child relationship. Sorry if it interferes with a particular school of schooling.

I agree... it’s just that I think it’s unlikely that a 12 yo who’s been idiotic would be especially troubled if they’re then called an idiot by their teacher. It’s possible I suppose as I clearly don’t know the people involved, just not very likely.

Some of the kids are a pain in the neck...but you don't say that to them

Why ever not... How will they know they’re being a pain in the neck if we’re too worried about causing offence to say so. Weak parenting/teaching imo

SOME parents believe their child can do no wrong and should never be reprimanded for anything

Absolutely. It must be a nightmare for teachers and I'm sure it's on the increase. But teachers who call children idiots and use other offensive terms have lost the moral high ground and are absolutely part of the problem. When I read the horrific posts on MN by people who say they are teachers, I always wonder what that's like for the actual normal teachers who like kids and want to teach.

Case in point!

When I was at school one of the boys in the class (who was a bit of a trouble maker) brought dog shit into the classroom on his shoe (obviously not his fault and this had been from out in the play ground) the teacher slapped him across the head and made him (8 at the time) clean it up, but you know she had obviously reached the end of her tether so who could blame her.

Not nasty imo, just the most likely explanation. Why else would a 12 yo come home to moan to his mum that he’d been called an idiot by his teacher!?... presumably he knows she’s the type who would be “that mum” and complain to the school about her darling boy.

Or, it stuck in his mind because he was a bit hurt by it because it was unnecessary.

the teacher slapped him across the head

🙄 yeah, that's exactly the same as what happened in the OP.

Doesn't matter if it's not exactly the same. Everything teachers do is excused, because they are teachers. That was only 20 years ago. What happened to that teacher? Sweet fuck all.
I look after children for a living, if I called one of them an idiot their parents would take them straight out of my care, and rightly so.

It wasn’t nice of the teacher to say that.

I’ve said “stop behaving like a wally” before but I don’t think he should have said that.

However, in the gazillion interactions teachers have with thousands of teens all day long, sometimes responses are not as carefully articulated as we would all like.

I’d leave it this time and not convey to my son what I thought.

I look after children for a living, if I called one of them an idiot their parents would take them straight out of my care, and rightly so.

If you were looking after my 12 yo, and they behaved idiotically, and you called him an idiot, and you were otherwise a good career/teacher, I would not withdraw him from your care.

Teachers need to be professional, of course, but we also need to recognise they are human too and imperfect. An occasional comment of exasperation doesn’t make a teacher bad, only normal and human. Berating and complaining about teachers for every minor transgression is oppressive and mean.

Truly can't see the problem. If he had said "you're an idiot" for beyond something wrong, whole different game of balls.

Getting something wrong **

However, in the gazillion interactions teachers have with thousands of teens all day long, sometimes responses are not as carefully articulated as we would all like.

Exactly... Having to tread on egg shells in case you say something that may possibly be taken as offensive by someone, and then hauled into the heads office to apologise to the parent and child is humiliating and really isn’t healthy.

So if dragon had a child say something along the lines of ‘I’ve finished my cereal dragon. Where shall I put my bowl?’ Is it ok for her to say ‘put it in the sink you idiot’ who decides when behaviour warrants name calling.

If the teacher accepts they lost control, was stressed, are sorry then fine by me but standing by that if someone’s an idiot they can say it? That’s a different matter. Would it be ok to tell a pupil to stop stuffing their fat face? But they are fat so what’s the problem 🤷🏻‍♀️

The difference is I would never call a child an idiot because I am the adult and no matter what a child said in my care I wouldn't retaliate buy calling them an idiot. I'm a human, I make mistakes but that wouldn't be one of them and I work just as long hours if not longer than a teacher and I get paid a lot less.

There is a real difference between saying to a child, 'Stop behaving like an idiot' and saying to them 'you idiot' when he was simply asking a question. I don't see why some posters find that so hard to understand.

The OP is not saying that her DS shouldn't have been punished, she supports the sanction as he deserved it. She's objecting to the personal insult, which I would if it was one of my DDs. I have felt like saying something similar to DD1 at times, she can be very challenging, so I can empathise with the teacher, but there is such a thing called self-control, which we as adults should be able to employ.

The pile on towards the OP earlier in this thread was totally unnecessary, the excuse that it's AIBU doesn't really wash.

Honestly, to say that everything that teachers do is excused because they are teachers, is a million miles from reality. Every word that comes out of our mouths in a working day can be subject to criticism and scrutiny so we are generally extremely careful with our wording and many have long abandoned attempts at humour in case it is misconstrued. It can't really be compared to a child minding situation as there is so much more going on in a classroom and there are so many more children involved.
The example of the boy being slapped around the head is ridiculous, because whether it was twenty or a hundred years ago, it is not relevant nowadays. Teachers nowadays don't hit children and the vast majority wouldn't call a child an idiot. If we were flies on the wall and had seen and heard the interaction, then we'd be in a position to comment, but without the teacher's side of the story it is impossible to judge.

the vast majority wouldn't call a child an idiot

This one did, yet it's excusable because the "vast majority" wouldn't.

Why can't it be compared to childminding in this situation? Teachers and childminders both care for children, if a teacher calls a child an idiot, it's the child's fault and they deserved it. If a childminder called a child an idiot, that child would more than likely be removed from the childminders care. I would love to know why it is acceptable for a teacher? It really shouldn't matter what's going on in the classroom or how many children are there, how can that be accepted as an excuse?

@Drogosnextwife It's because if a parent dares to post on AIBU complaining about something a teacher has said or done to their child, there is always a massive pile on, saying the poster is clearly 'that parent' and their child must be a 'snowflake'. They can't conceive of the idea that the parent's complaint might be justified, as teachers do (shock horror) occasionally make mistakes.

There are parents that make ridiculous complaints, obviously, who refuse to believe that their little darling could do anything wrong. But the OP really doesn't appear to be one of them. She agrees that the sanction was deserved; her complaint is that the teacher called her son 'you idiot' when he was simply asking a question. That's a valid complaint IMO.

OMG....I bet he's scarred for life!!!

Talk about looking to be offended.

@Lizzie48

Yes, it does feel like people just get a bit carried away and enjoy adding extra bits to the story, to somehow justify the abuse towards the OP.

Strange that the child manages to be such an idiotic tear away, but a snowflake at the same time. Couldn't possibly just be a normal child who made a mistake and is usually pretty well behaved. The teacher is allowed to make a mistake but not the child. Funny old world isn't it!