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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a teacher should not call a pupil an idiot!

277 replies

Namechangedbecauseiwantto · 14/03/2019 17:10

Year 7, ds was messing with some magnet balls which he'd taken in without me knowing (he's not taking them into school again).
He got given a warning, and then second warning which means detention. I have no issue with this, he should do as he's told, but my issue is, he asked if he should take his stuff with him (at the end of the lesson when he'd been referred), the teacher replied "take your paper you idiot".
I have actually emailed the school to ask, and just been brushed off really. Aibu?

OP posts:
Drogosnextwife · 15/03/2019 08:13

It's the context in which it was used. The Teacher didn't call the child's behaviour idiotic, he called HIM an idiot after the actual incident had passed, in relation to something else That is not ok.

cantbearsed1 · 15/03/2019 08:14

He was an idiot. And this is not verbal abuse.

Confusedfornow · 15/03/2019 08:16

Technically speaking, an Idiot is more intelligent than an Imbecile, who in turn is more intelligent than an Moron.

So he could have called your son much worse, it appears he actually gave him some credit.

But if you behave like an idiot, you will get treated like an idiot. The most important thing to consider is that Idiots don't generally know they're Idiots. It's only difficult for other people. The Idiot's are perfectly happy. They're just oblivious to the frustrations they present to the rest of us. Grin

CherryPavlova · 15/03/2019 08:16

I’m with Graphista.
He was being an idiot. He was told that.
You are deflecting your anger away from a small sanction and therefore actively undermining the school in managing behaviour. Ridiculous on your part.
It is not for the teacher to apologise but you and your sons. I suspect you caused much amusement in the staffroom by contacting them about something so minimal. Your email is probably on the staff room notice board surrounded by LOLs .

FamilyOfAliens · 15/03/2019 08:20

Couldn't give a fuck what the school think of me

Well that explains a lot.

RhymingRabbit · 15/03/2019 08:25

@Graphista You have apparently worked withchildren for years and haven't experienced a well behaved child needing to be told to do something twice 🤣🤣🤣 Aye right!

PP are right. The vitriol in this thread for a wee boy fiddling with some magnets is ridiculous. The problem with some schools (and parents) is that they don't know they are born. Lovely little middle class villages where the worst thing a child can do is play with some magnets. All teachers should be made to do training in an inner city school in a shitty area - We've had kids stapling other kids tongues....

Pick your battles with the kids. How much could him fiddling with some balls really be distracting the teacher. Some children are able to listen and concentrate better when they are fidgeting with something.... would the teacher stop a child with ADHD from using fidgets?

Teachers get worn down by persistent low level misbehaviour, like pupils playing with magnetic balls for example.

As for this.... OP is getting called a snowflake for boy wanting her child to be called an idiot. But teachers can't cope with kids fidgeting with a magnet?? Maybe it's these teachers who need some support with resilience.

cantbearsed1 · 15/03/2019 08:25

And this level of interference with the school is not a good message to your DC. You are teaching him that even when he behaves like a total idiot, all the adults around him should treat him like a sensitive little Prince.

RhymingRabbit · 15/03/2019 08:33

...or she's teaching him that he should have listened to his teacher and stopped playing with the magnets and deserves to get his detention, but it is ok to stand up for yourself when someone calls you names.

Graphista · 15/03/2019 08:34

I said rarely experienced a good child needing to be told off twice.

As for "little mc villages" I'm a weegie! I'm far from sheltered! I'm certainly not mc, my dad was a union rep ffs!

If anything it's because I understand you need to nip the low level disobedience and mischief in the bud in order to avoid worse behaviour occurring.

I've worked in a variety of settings and with children of all backgrounds from those living in normal "mc" homes to those living in group foster care. Rural to inner cities.

Care to guess the kids most likely to push the boundaries?

Drogosnextwife · 15/03/2019 08:34

My thoughts exactly RhymingRabbit. A pp actually said none of their student have ever been as badly behaved as the OPs DS 😂. They can't have been teaching long.

MrsTeaspoon · 15/03/2019 08:57

YABU. Your son disobeyed a teacher, in class, more than once. He disrupted everybody’s learning. You have no idea what tone/attitude your son was using on top of that. Why shouldn’t he be pulled up on this?

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 15/03/2019 09:04

YABU. Your son disobeyed a teacher, in class, more than once. He disrupted everybody’s learning. You have no idea what tone/attitude your son was using on top of that. Why shouldn’t he be pulled up on this?

No one is saying he shouldn't pulled up on this. The teacher had quite a good command of the language, she could have used any other words to do that.

Would you feel OK to be called an idiot by a manager at work?

TheSerenDipitY · 15/03/2019 09:08

im sure he would have liked to call him far worse... it must be fucken hard to go to work each day knowing that there are some proper little shits in the class and nothing they do makes any difference to their behavior or stops them disrupting the ones who actually want to learn
they must dread it every day

Applepieco · 15/03/2019 09:10

The irony.

Poster;

‘If we want our children to be respectful of all we should lead by example.’

OP
‘Couldn’t give a fuck what the school think of me’

Goldmandra · 15/03/2019 09:20

I don't think it's reasonable for a child to be called an idiot in response to asking a reasonable question, even if the question was relating to a sanction he'd just earned.

Humiliating children isn't effective or acceptable behaviour management.

It's clear that you're not condoning your son's behaviour in continuing to play with the magnetic toy and he doesn't sound at all obnoxious.

Teaching is a bloody hard job and there's always someone ready to pick you up on the slightest error but there are plenty of other jobs that are just as hard and it isn't Ok to call the people who make your life difficult idiots or other derogatory names to their face.

Bin85 · 15/03/2019 09:42

Teachers are taught not to call a child stupid etc
" Don't behave in a stupid manner" is a bit more acceptable as it implies the child is better than his/her behaviour is demonstrating at that moment .

AnnaFiveTowns · 15/03/2019 09:50

Teachers should be modelling respectful behaviour; it's really not OK for a teacher to call a child an idiot.

Original poster
Namechangedbecauseiwantto · 15/03/2019 10:17

When I say I don't care what the school think of me, I mean I'm not going to get upset that they might have stuck my email up in the staff room with lots of lols around it (and I am petty apparently!)
I'm not going to get upset that they are laughing at me, or anything.
I think some people are taking that comment the wrong way.
I do back the school up, and I told ds in no uncertain terms yesterday, that he should not be asked to do or not do things more than once.
As a pp said, you've never had to tell a 'good' (what is that about anyway) child more than once, I call bs on that, the best behaved children can have an off day and need telling 2/3 times, they are chi, it happens.

OP posts:
Original poster
Namechangedbecauseiwantto · 15/03/2019 10:21

children not chi

OP posts:
FamilyOfAliens · 15/03/2019 10:21

When I say I don't care what the school think of me

You said you “don’t give a fuck”. That’s what made me wonder if that’s where the attitude from your DS is coming from.

Original poster
Namechangedbecauseiwantto · 15/03/2019 10:30

I give up!

OP posts:
MarieIVanArkleStinks · 15/03/2019 10:39

Professional standards.

You expect kids to misbehave. And I'm absolutely in agreement that they should feel the consequences of this.

But the same rules apply to teachers; arguably even more so, as they are the adults who should be setting an example. I'm a university lecturer. If I called a student an 'idiot' I could expect to face heavy disciplinary action, and rightly so.

TeddybearBaby · 15/03/2019 11:01

Completely agree with you. My son is in year 7 and I wouldn’t like it at all. Very unprofessional and utterly inappropriate for so many reasons. I’m also with you and couldn't care less what the school thought. Yep I certainly am the parent who doesn’t stand for abuse - you can put that in writing....... I’ll sign it if you like 😂

kbPOW · 15/03/2019 11:05

It's not okay for any professional to call anyone an idiot when doing their job. So you can pull apart th OP's comments and ridicule as much as you like. It is not okay.

Missmarplesknitting · 15/03/2019 11:11

Have you had anyone back up what was actually said other than your child? Was it "don't behave like an idiot" which is entirely different.

That said I've been called an effing bitch and a c word this week by 15 year olds.

Guess what happened? Nothing. Sweet FA. It's ok for me to be abused by the kids, apparently.....

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