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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a teacher should not call a pupil an idiot!

277 replies

Namechangedbecauseiwantto · 14/03/2019 17:10

Year 7, ds was messing with some magnet balls which he'd taken in without me knowing (he's not taking them into school again).
He got given a warning, and then second warning which means detention. I have no issue with this, he should do as he's told, but my issue is, he asked if he should take his stuff with him (at the end of the lesson when he'd been referred), the teacher replied "take your paper you idiot".
I have actually emailed the school to ask, and just been brushed off really. Aibu?

OP posts:
mangolover · 14/03/2019 18:42

Also why post in AIBU if you're going to argue the responses 🤷‍♀️

Smileyaxolotl1 · 14/03/2019 18:50

As a very experienced secondary school teacher I am sitting on the fence here.
Firstly the op's son does not sound particularly badly behaved. A more appropriate punishment would surely have been confiscation of the item.
Secondly are you absolutely sure that the ' idiot' was in response to a normal question?
Lots of teachers will say 'stop acting like an idiot' or 'stop being an idiot' as teachers above said. It is a very rare that any including myself (and I often have trouble restraining myself in the midst of provocation) launches a direct insult at a child.
I have been known to call a child 'vile' or a 'rude, ignorant boy' but that would have been in response to being sworn at or called names not to a child who had been mildly disruptive earlier in a lesson.
If the incident happened exactly as you report I actually think yanbu. If I received a similar letter I would probably apologise to the boy while also reminding him of his poor behaviour.
However, it's not worth pursuing really. The teacher will know you have your eye on him and will probably be more careful in future.

HeritageCarrot · 14/03/2019 18:55

There are two issues - DS got detention for messing about with some magnet balls. Absolutely fine.

DS asks if he should take his stuff with him to detention. Is called an idiot. Not fine.

He’s 10-11. A child. Children ask questions to which the answer should be obvious . It’s normal. Irritating but normal. It doesn’t make him an idiot and he shouldn’t have been called one.

LaBelleSauvage · 14/03/2019 18:58

I wonder if the teacher had told him 3 times to take his things with him and he hadn't listened?

If I had given someone repeated instructions and they asked again, I'd be frustrated too.

We just don't know the full story.

Soontobe60 · 14/03/2019 18:59

The child was being an idiot in that he thought it was ok to continue messing about with an item that he had already been warned not to mess with.

JacquesHammer · 14/03/2019 19:04

Unacceptable from the teacher.

BelleSausage · 14/03/2019 19:05

Again, has the wording been confirmed by anyone but the child?

A child who knows they’ve got to explain a detention will often embroider the details to make themselves more sympathetic or look more favourable.

All teachers know that when you ask a form member why they got a detention the answers is almost always ‘I just... dropped a book, turned around, coughed, said something’.

A bit of unpicking reveals that the cough was actually half a lesson of fake coughing over the teacher to disrupt a lesson or the dropped a book was the last straw in a whole series of bad behaviour.

I wish parents would actual attempt to unpick this. It’s not hard. Ask some probing questions.

Original poster
Namechangedbecauseiwantto · 14/03/2019 19:22

@Smiley
Thank you. It's good to hear that point of view from a teacher
I can only go on what he tells me, I have gone through it in great detail with him, I work in education myself, and am well aware of the habit of embellishing facts to suit, so am fairly confident that it happened as he said.
The only result I'm looking for is that the teacher in question doesn't repeat this behaviour with ds or any other child.

OP posts:
LavenderFairyrunswild · 14/03/2019 19:22

So many parents of the side of this disruptive child. What about all the pupils who are patiently waiting to get on with their lesson? I'm on the side of the teacher.

Piglet208 · 14/03/2019 19:23

Maybe your son is telling the truth but even then can he explain the tone? There is a vast difference between an aggressive name calling and light banter especially with pre-teens. Maybe your son is trying to deflect from his misbehaviour. In any case if it were me I would let it go unless there is further evidence that the teacher has been unreasonable.

noblegiraffe · 14/03/2019 19:25

The only result I'm looking for is that the teacher in question doesn't repeat this behaviour with ds or any other child.

Unless you know that the teacher routinely berates kids in this fashion, leave it alone. It is not worth wasting school staff time over, and it’s definitely not worth pissing the teacher off over, as a one-off.

Blissx · 14/03/2019 19:26

I'm not sure how you got obnoxious from he was fiddling with his magnet balls

I’m sorry but this made me laugh out loud more that it should have done Grin

JacquesHammer · 14/03/2019 19:28

So many parents of the side of this disruptive child. What about all the pupils who are patiently waiting to get on with their lesson? I'm on the side of the teacher

The two extremes aren’t “call child an idiot or do nothing to deal with the behaviour.

Original poster
Namechangedbecauseiwantto · 14/03/2019 19:30

@blissx
You're lucky, it was nearly simply fiddling wit his balls 😂😂

OP posts:
OKBobble · 14/03/2019 19:39

My earlier that parent comment has been picked up on. I meant it as in a cry wolf way. If you get known as the parent who complains over minor things they are less likely to give credence to your more legitimate complaints or at least whèn they realise it is a legitimate one but it might take longer to get to that point if there is a history of raising minor issues. It is definitely a case of pick your battles.

Original poster
Namechangedbecauseiwantto · 14/03/2019 19:44

@ok
Fair enough. I'm willing to accept that I overreacted emailing the school. I will think the teacher was bu to call him an idiot, but I'm letting it go.
Thanks for the input and causing me to be distracted therefore leaving £20 in the atm dammit

OP posts:
RhymingRabbit · 14/03/2019 19:47

Aaarrgghhh.... @namechange.

BelleSausage · 14/03/2019 19:48

You have no evidence except your son’s word that the teacher did call him an idiot and not ‘try not to be so idiotic next time’ or ‘that was an idiot’s behaviour’.

If you work in education have you weighed up how important this actually is against the hours that are going to be spent by many memebers of staff investigating your complaint. You have no idea if this happened, no idea if and why the teacher said it or what the implication was. But you’ll happily fire off e-mails and phone calls to chase up already over worked people.

I spent half a free period today answering an e-mail to a parent containing a malicious accusation by a pupil I put in detention. To say that he embroidered the truth would be an understatement. I could have been marking Yr11 mock papers. Which are now staring at me from my kitchen table.

Blissx · 14/03/2019 19:59

OP, I think you have a good compromise of sorts there-you have technically raised the issue and have evidence in case of anything happening again and yet you have graciously realised it is not worth taking even further, due to the context of the situation. So sorry about your £20 though!!!!

Amore22 · 14/03/2019 20:22

This seems resolved but fwiw...I have been a secondary school teacher of 17 years Shock and I am on the fence here too. Yes, I go by the general philosophy that teachers' role is to be positive and encouraging, to rise above using insulting language etc... to give the child a strong sense of you valuing them BUT sometimes we don't always get it 100% right in a stressful and overworked scenario.

But I don't think I would call a child an idiot who was playing with magnet balls. I would warn and then confiscate but it has happened. Now everyone should move on and start with a fresh slate next lesson. Teacher and student. Personally, I wouldn't complain but would if your ds reports it happening again.

Amore22 · 14/03/2019 20:23

Am quite pleasantly surprised by the number of posts sticking up for the teacher though.

Purpletigers · 14/03/2019 20:39

Does your child know you phoned the school? The worst mistake a parent can make is fighting their child’s battles . He was an idiot , the teacher was correct . Tell your child to stop being an idiot and then he won’t be called one .

Purpletigers · 14/03/2019 20:45

You honestly think you have the right to stop a teacher calling a child out on idiotic behaviour ? Wise up ! Teach your child some resilience and let him fight his own battles .

IncrediblySadToo · 14/03/2019 20:54

Thanks for the input and causing me to be distracted therefore leaving £20 in the atm dammit

Oh you idiot!

🤣😁🤣😁

Original poster
Namechangedbecauseiwantto · 14/03/2019 21:16

I know 😂😂, I AM an idiot!

OP posts: