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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a teacher should not call a pupil an idiot!

277 replies

Namechangedbecauseiwantto · 14/03/2019 17:10

Year 7, ds was messing with some magnet balls which he'd taken in without me knowing (he's not taking them into school again).
He got given a warning, and then second warning which means detention. I have no issue with this, he should do as he's told, but my issue is, he asked if he should take his stuff with him (at the end of the lesson when he'd been referred), the teacher replied "take your paper you idiot".
I have actually emailed the school to ask, and just been brushed off really. Aibu?

OP posts:
HeresMe · 14/03/2019 21:39

Your son is a idiot and punished accordingly I fail to see problem.

Hoopaloop · 14/03/2019 21:48

Depends on if they're an idiot or not.

BlackPrism · 14/03/2019 22:02

So you've never said to your son 'stop being an idiot and put your shoes on' or the like?

You're being pathetic

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 14/03/2019 22:12

YANBU.

Personal insults are not OK, especially where one of the parties is in a position of power and trust.

It’s not on.

pilates · 14/03/2019 22:23

I think you’re being a bit dramatic tbh

notacooldad · 14/03/2019 22:23

I don't blame you for being peeved. Too many people are too quick to wade in on here, as though their own kids are saints or something
We were asked our opinion, how is that wading in?
My sons weren't saints. At times both of them were the biggest pair of idiots going. I certainly let them know that. Funny they turned out ok without any anxiety issues and are now fully grown decent adults with their idiot days behind them.
They've been called far worse than that by me, grandparents and friends parents and maybe teachers over time. If the cap fits and all that.
The school would have my support to be honest.

Mammajay · 14/03/2019 22:29

Teachers get worn down by persistent low level misbehaviour, like pupils playing with magnetic balls for example. Given that the teacher used the word idiot (if he did) after the misbehaviour, I think you are being unreasonable. As a retired teacher, I don't like teachers using sarcasm or insult, but teachers are human and need parents support rather than criticism where possible.

SenoraSurf · 14/03/2019 22:32

Lol. Situations like this get laughed about in the staffroom.
You weren't there and you have no context of the situation apart from the version you have heard from your dc. Think yourself lucky that your child is in a school where they're upholding a behaviour system.

That teacher may have had a crap 5 lesson day, with classes from hell followed by detentions or other after school commitments/ parents evenings and your moaning about your son, who was being an idiot, being called an idiot...

Man up.

jocktamsonsbairn · 14/03/2019 22:49

Well said Bellesausage! How I would love to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth... might make a difference to behaviour and attainment!

FunkyKingston · 14/03/2019 23:05

In the meantime he's got you all frothy and focusing on the teacher's actions rather tgan the facted he acted like a disobedient little turd.

Perhaps he isn't such an idiot after all, he's certainly jerking your strings and making you dance to his tune op.

Drogosnextwife · 14/03/2019 23:15

Oh I see this has turned into the usual MN pile on when a teacher is involved, because OP don't you know teachers do no wrong.

A teacher should not call a child an idiot because they ask a question about what to do with their belongings, even if the teacher is still angry.

He hardly commited the crime of the century by playing with magnets.

I look after children for a living, no matter how shitty a day I've had I hardly think their parents would be ok with me calling them idiots for asking me a question.

Ouchmytoe · 15/03/2019 05:05

As a teacher I'd never call a student an idiot BUT my students are primary school age and still learning and so they're never idiots!

A year 11 who should know better and can choose whether or not to behave like an idiot is different. "Idiot" is barely offensive, can be used in many contexts including playfully, jokingly or light-heartedly, isn't a comment on the person but rather the person's behaviour, and I think is generally not a big issue. Your son was being disruptive and frankly... Idiotic! Our teachers called us stuff like this at secondary school all the time and to be honest they were the teachers we liked best as they were honest and funny!

I think you're really blowing this out of proportion - sorry OP.

Ouchmytoe · 15/03/2019 05:07

*11 year old

Graphista · 15/03/2019 06:27

"Things like this explain the pathetic 18-22 year olds my husband and colleagues in other venues have to work with.
Heaven forbid you don't speak to them like they walk on water even when they're lazy and acting like idiots." This!

Not at all buying that you're "fine" that your precious boy was in trouble at school. Because you're deflecting massively!

Parent your child and support the school.

The problem with discipline in schools isn't generally down to teachers themselves it's down to the fact there's sod all teachers are allowed to do now to discipline kids it's utterly ridiculous!

When was the detention for?

"I'm not sure how you got obnoxious from" probably from the FACT he needed dealt with more than once on the matter for starters.

"Couldn't give a fuck what the school think of me, I'm not 'that' parent." That's exactly what DOES make you THAT parent

Pumperthepumper · 15/03/2019 06:48

I don’t understand this link between calling someone an idiot and therefore stopping him growing up to be lazy and work shy as an adult. We know that kids who are nurtured grow up to be healthy adults - I don’t see how the teacher modeling poor behaviour makes the OP’s son’s behaviour change.

BoneyBackJefferson · 15/03/2019 06:51

Drogosnextwife
Oh I see this has turned into the usual MN pile on when a teacher is involved, because OP don't you know teachers do no wrong.

Interesting how this is always put forth, As the responses are generally go talk to the teacher and find out what happened. Given that he was spoken three times before this there will be more to it.

My personal bet would be that once he got the referral he was dithering about with his equipment and disrupting further.

Qwertylass · 15/03/2019 06:53

He knows he was in the wrong and is just trying to put blame on the teacher. He was acting like an idiot and knows he should not be messing around. I have called my year 5s worse and been called a lot lot worse by them!
Let it go and don't be that parent.

Original poster
Namechangedbecauseiwantto · 15/03/2019 07:09

@graphista
You don't know me or my son. I am fine he got in trouble, I have actually said in the email that I support the sanctions put in place, I totally agree that the behaviour should have been dealt with. That is not what I have the problem with, my problem is with what happened afterwards when he asked a perfectly reasonable question.
I do parent my child.
He said not obnoxious, he has been complimented on his behaviour, manners and he helpful he is on numerous occasions by other professionals I.e. scout leaders.
That is not what makes me 'that' parent. I may have overreacted with this one, which I have already said up thread, but I promise you, I am not that parent.

OP posts:
Original poster
Namechangedbecauseiwantto · 15/03/2019 07:10

is not not said not

OP posts:
Graphista · 15/03/2019 07:22

I responded based on what you posted.

His being well behaved on other occasions doesn't mean he wasn't obnoxious on this one.

Your posting as this thread continues really does have the gone of "the op doth protest too much"

I've a wealth of experience with children's behaviour and I find it very hard to believe that an otherwise always well behaved child needed telling more than once when misbehaving that's certainly not my experience.

My experience is that the good kids who occasionally go off track rarely need telling more than once.

My experience is also that parents who won't accept their children aren't the good kid and don't fully support school or other adults acting in roles of authority with children aren't always blatant about it. Sometimes there's a facade of support but actions/attitude show otherwise. The kids pick up on this and feel it's acceptable to not respond immediately to discipline by adults other than their parents.

This is not helpful to the child or to those trying to educate or otherwise guide the child.

It's confusing for everyone concerned.

Graphista · 15/03/2019 07:23
  • tone of
MsChookandtheelvesofFahFah · 15/03/2019 07:30

Let it go. You only have his word that he asked a 'perfectly reasonable question' and that he was called an idiot. Children think they are called naughty when they are told they did a naughty thing. They can't tell the difference and unless there was a recording of the exact conversation you will never know. Can you relay a conversation word for word hours later? I can't.

Original poster
Namechangedbecauseiwantto · 15/03/2019 07:31

@graphista
We're going to have to agree to disagree on this one. You are right that he should not have to have been told more than once, and I've made that very clear to him, and I accept he may be having a bit of a wobble behaviour wise, but he is a good kid, he's a very lovely caring and kind kid, who has made a mistake. If you think that makes him bad, my parenting slack, him obnoxious then I can't do anything about that. As I've stated I completely agree with him having a sanction for the behaviour, and he knows that. He also knows that he is not to behave like that again.
This has been a real eye opener to me, it's interesting the judgements people spring to, assuming they know all the facts on me and my son, when really you have a snapshot of us.

OP posts:
Oblomov19 · 15/03/2019 08:05

Verbal abuse? Shock
Come on. An idiot Is hardly a bad word!

Drogosnextwife · 15/03/2019 08:11

BoneyBackJefferson

Because people on here have been downright rude and insulting about a person's CHILD! Calling him a little turn, an idiot etc. It's a disgusting way to talk about someone's child. He didn't hurt anyone, he didn't break anything, he got into trouble for messing around like children do sometimes, that incident was delt with yet teachers still have the right to belittle children apparently when they have had a bad day or when they are holding a grudge towards them. Like I said I wouldn't get away with it in my line of work, no matter how annoying a child was being, why is it ok for a teacher?

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