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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a teacher should not call a pupil an idiot!

277 replies

Namechangedbecauseiwantto · 14/03/2019 17:10

Year 7, ds was messing with some magnet balls which he'd taken in without me knowing (he's not taking them into school again).
He got given a warning, and then second warning which means detention. I have no issue with this, he should do as he's told, but my issue is, he asked if he should take his stuff with him (at the end of the lesson when he'd been referred), the teacher replied "take your paper you idiot".
I have actually emailed the school to ask, and just been brushed off really. Aibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
Namechangedbecauseiwantto · 14/03/2019 17:44

I'm going to let it go, I'm obviously overreacting. Still don't agree with it, but that's my prerogative.

OP posts:
RhymingRabbit · 14/03/2019 17:45

Nope - not ok. Never ok to model name calling. I would love to see the posts on here if folk's partners or bosses called them an idiot in front of their peers. Name calling is done only to humiliate - a teacher who wants to humiliate his pupils shouldn't be a teacher. He had already dealt with the fiddling (crime of the century) by issuing the detention - the idiot comment was about a child asking a question. Will he ask his teacher a question in the future - probably not. Great!

I wouldn't be raging or demanding a visit to the head - but I would detailing my concerns about the messages that a teacher name-calling gives to the other children.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 14/03/2019 17:46

I would expect a teacher to be able to use insults in a more refined way, a blunt “idiot” is really bad effort on teacher’s side.

BelleSausage · 14/03/2019 17:47

Good lord.

Has the teacher admitted to calling him an idiot or do you just have DSs version of events?

Verbal abuse is never ok. Teachers are verbally abused in a daily basis by students who are never held accountable. The entire system is now skewed towards parents and students as customers who need constant placating and pandering to. It makes it impossible to do the job effectively and does students a massive disservice.

While the word idiot is emotive, how is that child ever going to see his behaviour for what it is and how he is perceived by others unless someone points it out to him. I think about this all the time now. We are so afraid of parental complaints and abuse from students that everything is couched in euphemism and woolly language.

OKBobble · 14/03/2019 17:48

You are now marked down as "that parent"! Good luck with getting them to engage meaningfully with you when there is a real issue that needs sorting.

SmarmyMrMime · 14/03/2019 17:49

It's not ideal, but sometimes in the face of repeated idiocy in a lesson, professionalism can slide in the face of preserving sanity. Not worth being one of those parents over.

Original poster
Namechangedbecauseiwantto · 14/03/2019 17:50

@rhyming rabbit hooray! Someone on my side.
For those concerned, I've just beaten him with a frying pan and locked him in a cupboard, hope that's adequate toughening up!

OP posts:
Original poster
Namechangedbecauseiwantto · 14/03/2019 17:50

Couldn't give a fuck what the school think of me, I'm not 'that' parent.

OP posts:
Chinks123 · 14/03/2019 17:51

I’m obviously in the minority too op but I don’t agree with it either. You’re right he should be told off, and if the teacher had to tell him twice he was obviously annoyed. I don’t agree with name calling at all though. People say you get called worse as you go through life....yes you do but you don’t have to put up with it. If my boss called me an idiot I wouldn’t just sit and take it.

RhymingRabbit · 14/03/2019 17:51

how is that child ever going to see his behaviour for what it is and how he is perceived by others unless someone points it out to him.

His behaviour in this case was asking the teacher if he had to take his things with him. How does being called an idiot help him in anyway. When we don't model good communication and respect to our children, we raise adults who can't communicate and show other's no respect. Adults should behave the way we want our children to. Condoning an adult calling a child-names means you don't have a leg to stand on when the kids start doing it.

HeritageCarrot · 14/03/2019 17:52

Children can do ask questions that sound ridiculous but as someone who worked in schools I don’t think they should ever be called idiots. Their behaviour might be inappropriate but that doesn’t mean they’re idiots. What about older people in a residential setting, should they be called idiots if they ask daft questions or do something undesirable? You can deal with the situation without being dismissive and unpleasant imo. Those in a position of authority should set a good example and calling someone an idiot isn’t doing that.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 14/03/2019 17:53

I don't blame you for being peeved. Too many people are too quick to wade in on here, as though their own kids are saints or something.
If it was twisted around the other way and your ds called the teacher an idiot. He'd be hauled over the coals.
Yes we know he should have been behaving himself. That conversation has been had. He's being punished and op accepts that
All very saying you must respect those in authority, but to get respect you have to give it.

RhymingRabbit · 14/03/2019 17:54

Good luck with getting them to engage meaningfully with you when there is a real issue that needs sorting
@OKBobble so you are suggesting that schools will penalise a child because their parent raises concerns. And people wonder why teachers get a hard time.

This is not my experience of professional school staff.

ninjawarriorsocks · 14/03/2019 17:56

And this explains why we have a behaviour issue in schools .... yes, ideally the teacher should have used a different word, but I have seen how secondary school children behave and it would try the patience of a saint. It was probably the end of a long and stressful day and he’s a human being not a robot.
I see this all the time - school tries to discipline a child, and the parent turns around with ‘yes but school / teacher did this and that’ and the child learns they can deflect attention from their own behaviour by blaming others.
Schools and teachers are expected to be perfect - but they are underfunded and overworked. If I was you, I would have let this slide, it’s not a major deal, the teachers have better things to be dealing with.

Cheeeeislifenow · 14/03/2019 17:56

He asked a question and got insulted by an adult in a position of power, that's not on. He should be modelling the. Behaviour he wants to see in his classroom.
On MN, everyone's kids must be good as gold and never do anything at all silly or thoughtless or rude.

Theknacktoflying · 14/03/2019 17:58

So ‘idiot guides’ should be banned?

What was the reason for your e-mail? what physical outcome do you want? Do you want the teacher to apologise to your son because he was taken away to deal with an issue that wouldn’t have been the case had your son not repeatedly mucked about in class? In defense, will your son recognise that he disrupted the lesson?

noblegiraffe · 14/03/2019 17:58

It’s not a great thing for a teacher to do, but in the grand scheme of things it is not worth kicking up a fuss with the school about. Best option would be to say to your DS ‘no, it wasn’t nice that your teacher said that to you, but teachers are human and can be grumpy like the rest of us’.

GoingToInfinity · 14/03/2019 17:59

Teacher here. Imo calling a child an idiot really isn't okay. Saying his behaviour was idiotic or that he was acting like an idiot, but they way in which you've said it was phrased isn't really acceptable.

That being said, if the teacher is usually reasonable and level headed, I'd just let it go. They were probably having a bad day and your DS and possibly some of his classmates had pushed his buttons.

Popfan · 14/03/2019 18:00

I don't agree with a teacher talking that way to a child at all. I'm a teacher too by the way.

Chinks123 · 14/03/2019 18:01

I think it’s the fact he got called an idiot when he asked a question. He was messing around and got sent out yes. When he asked (a pretty simple) question he was called an idiot. It gives the green light for other kids to snigger and call him an idiot.

kbPOW · 14/03/2019 18:01

Your son behaved like an idiot, but I don't believe it's appropriate for anyone to be called an idiot in school.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/03/2019 18:01

He is Yr7 so about 11-12, and was messing about, he is an idiot! I am sorry to use the term, but stop treating kids like snowflakes, your annoyance should be directed at him.

SoupDragon · 14/03/2019 18:02

It's all to do with context for me.

In the circumstances described in the OP I wouldn't have a problem with it.

If it was in relation to an education thing where my child had not understood, I would have a problem with it.

superram · 14/03/2019 18:03

Cheese most of the kids I teach are not naughty or rude so would never be called an idiot. If they did and I called one an idiot after poor behaviour I would be upset with myself but wouldn’t expect to be pulled up on it-these things happen. It wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t already been in trouble.

llangennith · 14/03/2019 18:05

If your child hadn't behaved like an attention seeking idiot the teacher wouldn't have called him an idiot.