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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a teacher should not call a pupil an idiot!

277 replies

Namechangedbecauseiwantto · 14/03/2019 17:10

Year 7, ds was messing with some magnet balls which he'd taken in without me knowing (he's not taking them into school again).
He got given a warning, and then second warning which means detention. I have no issue with this, he should do as he's told, but my issue is, he asked if he should take his stuff with him (at the end of the lesson when he'd been referred), the teacher replied "take your paper you idiot".
I have actually emailed the school to ask, and just been brushed off really. Aibu?

OP posts:
Musmerian · 14/03/2019 18:08

I’ve been a secondary school teacher for 25 years. It’s this kind of mimsy reaction that’s making schools bland and tedious. I have an excellent relationship with all my students and find that boys tend to respond well to a bit of affectionate rudeness. I’d far rather that than robot teachers who are not allowed to display any individuality. Context and tone is all. Was your ds upset by that aspect?

Geminijes · 14/03/2019 18:09

Name calling is done only to humiliate - a teacher who wants to humiliate his pupils shouldn't be a teacher.

Sometimes humiliating a pupil in front of their friends is more effective at correcting bad behaviour than a detention.

Cheeeeislifenow · 14/03/2019 18:09

Would anybody tolerate Their boss calling them idiots?
The teenage brain is not developed, they act foolishly and mess around because that's what they are supposed to do, it's up to us to teach them, guide them and model good behaviour, calling someone an idiot when they have asked you a simple question is not doing that.
The issue of the messing had been resolved.

Kat70 · 14/03/2019 18:09

"The use of sarcasm and demeaning language is unacceptable" - direct quote for behaviour management for teachers in government guidelines.
If we want our children to be respectful of all we should lead by example.

LesLavandes · 14/03/2019 18:10

I have only read your heading

NO .he should not

Cheeeeislifenow · 14/03/2019 18:12

If your child hadn't behaved like an attention seeking idiot the teacher wouldn't have called him an idiot.

Have you a child? Been a child? They/you must be perfect. That's a really nasty thing to say..

funnylittlefloozie · 14/03/2019 18:15

Child struggles to understand a concept in maths, or to write a sentence correctly = absolutely unacceptable to call him an idiot.

Child misbehaves and disrupts class = absolutely FINE to call him an idiot, because he is.

I am a teacher as well. You would be apoplectic if you had overheard me speaking to one of my learners, who was threatening some vile things this morning. 'Idiot' was the kindest thing i called him.

Pumperthepumper · 14/03/2019 18:16

Totally unacceptable for a teacher to name-call. Unprofessional too.

Refilona · 14/03/2019 18:17

I use the word idiot towards my students sometimes, but I usually say they are BEHAVING LIKE an idiot (which they are, at that moment in time), I wouldn’t say they ARE idiots, unless it’s said in a joking way with older students who I’ve known for years and have a really good relationship with.
I’d let this go though and try and tell your ds to behave better in the future.

LaBelleSauvage · 14/03/2019 18:20

YABU. The teacher didn't pick the best word, but you are training your son to be an adult.

In the adult world, if you are repeatedly rude and disrespectful, as your DS was, people will not respond well to you.

When he is 25 and behaves inappropriately at work, he won't have mummy emailing in about it.

Your DS needs to learn that his actions and behaviour will affect the way he is treated by others. If he is disrespectful, others will be disrespectful to him. Sure it wasn't the best word, but teach him to learn from it, especially since he was in the wrong in the first instance.

Pick your battles with the school.

sunonthepatio · 14/03/2019 18:20

As you say, the behaviour of your child was unacceptable. I also think the teachers was. No need for personal insults.

HaventGotAllDay · 14/03/2019 18:21

If I had broken my workplace rules, acted up, refused to do as I was told (twice) then I'd expect my boss to call me more than "idiot" tbh.

I often say to my teenage students (when they're being idiotsWink) "were you born a fool or has it taken years of training?" Cue laughter from the others and ta-da, idiocy tends to stop.

Mind you, none of them are as badly behaved as the OP's kid sounds so maybe I shouldn't.

binkyblinky · 14/03/2019 18:22

Whose words are we taking that the teacher actually called him an idiot?

LaBelleSauvage · 14/03/2019 18:23

Refilona yes- agree that's better wording. I wonder what the teacher actually said.

I imagine a certain amount of vindictive 'you gave me detention so I'll tweak what you said so you are also in trouble' may have gone on...

RhymingRabbit · 14/03/2019 18:23

I’d far rather that than robot teachers who are not allowed to display any individuality.

Why do you equate a model of teaching that promotes kindness to "robotic teachers with no individuality". I know plenty of conforming, unemotional unkind teachers. But the ones who take the time to understand, listen and promote positive communication are very rarely robotic.

Cheeeeislifenow · 14/03/2019 18:26

La belle, the issue had been dealt with the child asked a question and was called an idiot.

MrMeSeeks · 14/03/2019 18:29

So child behaves like an idiot but how dare the teacher actually say it?Confused
This is not something to be complaining about.
The teacher calling him and idiot or stupid for not understanding something yes, but not for rightly calling him out on stupid behaviour.

RhymingRabbit · 14/03/2019 18:30

Child misbehaves and disrupts class = absolutely FINE to call him an idiot, because he is.

Or perhaps he didn't get any food the night before....Or perhaps he watched his Dad batter his mum....Or perhaps he is getting bullied.....Or perhaps he had issues processing instructions because his brain is not fully developed yet....

But you carry on calling children idiots. Somewill be resilient enough to forget about it. Some will be hearing the same at home and it will stay with them and form the basis of the adult they will become.

But you get to feel superior and teach that little shit the power of humiliation.

ralphfromlordoftheflies · 14/03/2019 18:30

You are being so petty. And I don't know why you think it's hilarious that you're being called a snowflake parent, because you really are being a snowflake parent. Emailing the school over that, pfft.

Theknacktoflying · 14/03/2019 18:30

was it unreasonable to resort to name calling? No
what does the poster actually want done about it? e-mailing the school - for what reason? (based On the hearsay of how her child recalled the event)? Clarification that the teacher called him an idiot? To apologise obo the son for wasting the teacher’s time?

HaventGotAllDay · 14/03/2019 18:36

This reply has been deleted

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Cheeeeislifenow · 14/03/2019 18:37

If I had broken my workplace rules, acted up, refused to do as I was told (twice) then I'd expect my boss to call me more than "idiot" tbh. I often say to my teenage students (when they're being idiots)

And if the issue was resolved, you had moved on, asked your boss a question, they called you an idiot..that would be fine too I suppose?

RhymingRabbit · 14/03/2019 18:39

Personally i would be emailing the school to a) apologise for sons behaviour and find out of this is a pattern that i need to be aware of so that i can either support the school in disciplining him....Or/and support my son with any issues he has with following instructions.

B)Asking for clarification about the name calling incident and expressing concern about a teacher name calling for all of the reasons above. I would not expect the teacher to apologise.

Bagpuss5 · 14/03/2019 18:40

I'm surprised DS is running to you to bleat about his teacher calling him an idiot.
In reality it is wrong but what, the DS is bringing it to your attention??? Are you sure you aren't THAT parent?

mangolover · 14/03/2019 18:41

This is very snowflakey though 🤷‍♀️

Also I'd pick my battles. And put my energy into teaching my child some respect