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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Couples who do absolutely everything together

736 replies

evaperonspoodle · 13/03/2019 16:59

Not so much an AIBU as obviously it is up to them but I must admit I'm slightly miffed by this. I know a few couples like this, one for example that go to the GP together (and he will go in with her) for non emergency appointments, she will go to put petrol in the car and he will pop along for the ride etc.

A couple (parents) in my ds' class appear to be joined at the hip. They do pick ups together, there was a class meeting recently where due to space it was requested that only 1 parent attend and of course they both came. DS had a playdate at their house and both came to the door to meet me. I reciprocated recently and both came to my door to collect their ds.

A friend got married abroad, did a 'girls' day at her house to show the video and one woman brought her partner because it would be 'more fun'.

Again, this is light hearted and I don't think there are any social anxiety/ASD/DV issues going on, the women concerned just seem to want to be with their partners all the time.

OP posts:
Snowflakes1122 · 13/03/2019 17:43

They are probably the ones who have hose cringeworthy joint Facebook profiles. Grin

thedisorganisedmum · 13/03/2019 17:44

AlexaAmbidextra
I don't know anyone who wouldn't tell their partner. They might not bother to, because it's too uninteresting to repeat, but there's no reason why they should hide something from them. I would find it weird and unhealthy if you couldn't confide in your own partner.

DanglyBangly · 13/03/2019 17:44

‘miffed’ is not the word I’d use. I’d say I was bemused and irritated.

In the case of the wedding video, I can’t imagine many men would want to sit through that —or women for that matter— so I wonder if the ‘if they are both happy...’ applied in that case.

choli · 13/03/2019 17:44

"Accompanying " a spouse into a doctor's examination room is sometimes done by a physically abusive spouse to ensure they do not disclose domestic violence to the doctor. Here in the US is is standard to be asked if you feel safe at home.

My husband and I do most things together but not things like doctor's appointments.

crosser62 · 13/03/2019 17:45

I don’t think that you are being unreasonable.
I would stop meeting someone who brought their partner along to arranged meetings.
It’s a rare time away from my family with a friend, I don’t want to socialise with any one I’ve not arranged to socialise with directly. I would feel uncomfortable and forced into a situation I hadn’t chosen.

Ragwort · 13/03/2019 17:46

Personally I would find it absolutely suffocating, like others I have a friend like this and although her DH is a really nice bloke he will do everything with her. My DH wouldn’t dream of tagging along so often we end up going out (including weekends away Grin) in a threesome. He works part time so I try to ensure we meet up when he at work but that’s not always possible.

I also consider it too be too over dependent on each other, I know a lot of older people and it can be very, very difficult when one is left alone and the other doesn’t have any friends or know how to cope on their own Sad.

10IAR · 13/03/2019 17:46

It's not something DP and I do, but it doesn't bother me when other couples do tbh.

NellieDavie · 13/03/2019 17:46

'We' tend to be like this, but I hate it! It's partly due to my OHs trust issues (I have a hobby which occasionally involves me going away somewhere, he has no interest in my hobby but will still come along, so we end up turning it into a big (and more expensive) trip for us both instead of a quick few days away for me), but also his lack of motivation to do anything himself, so he tags along wherever I go Hmm

It's easier to just let him come along, but I wouldn't take him to a 'girls night' or anything like that, but I probably turn down lots of things because it's easier than thinking what's he going to do with himself. I work long hours, he doesn't, so say I have a hospital appointment or anything like that, he'll tag along and turn it into an outing (we'll have lunch afterwards, or go for a walk etc) when I'm really not that bothered!

Anique105 · 13/03/2019 17:46

My dh and I are almost joined at the hip. But we are best friends as well as partners. I would definitely not bring him when getting together with my friends and he wouldnt want to come either!
However in most other situations why not? We enjoy each others company alot. As I said we are best friends.

Original poster
evaperonspoodle · 13/03/2019 17:47

That reminds me of the man who used to come to the breastfeeding support group. It was a ladies only space and he would come and mansplain things to us and his wife would sit there cooing over him and getting all giddy as if she was so proud of him.

OP posts:
undomesticgodde55 · 13/03/2019 17:47

@evaperonspoodle undomestic would he actually go into the examination room with you or just sit in the car waiting?

He will wait in the waiting room with me and have a chat. he only comes in the examination room if it's pregnancy related. If I'm in for the shits he can wait outside Blush there are still a few things best left between me and the doctor haha. But I don't judge anybody who would want their partner by their side in the examination room.

WorraLiberty · 13/03/2019 17:47

Just to clarify I'm not hiking up my judgey pants, more miffed as to why one cannot seem capable of walking to a front door without the other. As a family we go out a lot together even the supermarket but if I was knocking on someones door to collect ds and DH wanted to come too I would be a bit

It's not a case of capability. It's probably more that they've both enjoyed having your child in their home together and perhaps they feel they're showing it?

Mintychoc1 · 13/03/2019 17:48

As a GP I see this from a bleak cynical angle!
I often see elderly couples who live in each other’s pockets, never do things independently, then one of them dies and the other is totally lost. Men left unable to boil a kettle, women left unable to pay a bill. Having no idea how to spend their time without their other half. Few friends as they didn’t need them, because they had each other. No individual hobbies, only ever did hobbies together, and now can’t face doing them as the reminders are too painful.
Personally I think it’s rather limiting, to fix yourself so closely to one person.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/03/2019 17:48

Huh? Miffed? I don’t understand that. Miffed at something that has no bearing on you in any way.

I know a couple like this. Parents at school, always, always together. For everything. They seem happy, have lovely kids, nothing to be miffed at them for!

CarolDanvers · 13/03/2019 17:48

@NellieDavie that sounds awful. I couldn't deal with someone like that. Mind you the minute someone muttered about having "trust issues" I would dump them anyway.

Hohofortherobbers · 13/03/2019 17:49

I knew a couple like this, at first I thought it showed how in love they were. Many years later it was evidence of his coercive control, all is not what it seems

10IAR · 13/03/2019 17:50

Mintychoc1 my dad is like that without my Mum. But they didn't go everywhere together, had their own lives and friends.

He just doesn't want to live without her and it's broken him.

DParse · 13/03/2019 17:50

YADNBU. I know such couples. They are perfectly nice, but a PITA. No, I really don’t want my friend’s husband tagging along at school mums’ coffee. Can’t he find some dads to talk to?

My XH wanted us to be joined at the hip. It was controlling and horrible.

FaFoutis · 13/03/2019 17:51

Those of you who do this: do you have identical jackets? (Fleece, with wolves on?)

maloofhoof · 13/03/2019 17:55

FaFoutis 😂😂

thedisorganisedmum · 13/03/2019 17:55

"Accompanying " a spouse into a doctor's examination room is sometimes done by a physically abusive spouse to ensure they do not disclose domestic violence to the doctor.

It's also someone showing moral support! You don't know what they go to the doctor in the first place, maybe she didn't want to tell you what the real reason was.

Of course it can be abusive, but it's not always the case.

fussychica · 13/03/2019 17:56

I was called sad and pathetic on a MN thread a while back as I said I wouldn't like to go on holiday on my own without DHShock

DH and I do most things together, we are early retired and 40 years married, we get on great but we are both perfectly capable and happy to do stuff on our own if we feel like it.

arethereanyleftatall · 13/03/2019 17:57

@evaperonspoodle
Christ, no! Not at all. (Sorry, only just came back to the thread).

NellieDavie · 13/03/2019 17:57

@CarolDanvers - mostly I don't mind, but occasionally find it tedious because we don't have exactly the same interests or enjoy exactly the same thing, so sometimes feel I'm missing out on doing something because I know he wouldn't enjoy it, but would tag along anyway and neither of us would enjoy it. He's good company most of the time, just don't need to have him there ALL the time!

JenniferJareau · 13/03/2019 17:59

I find this odd too. I know a couple like this and it has always baffled me but she thinks it is perfectly normal.

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