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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Couples who do absolutely everything together

736 replies

evaperonspoodle · 13/03/2019 16:59

Not so much an AIBU as obviously it is up to them but I must admit I'm slightly miffed by this. I know a few couples like this, one for example that go to the GP together (and he will go in with her) for non emergency appointments, she will go to put petrol in the car and he will pop along for the ride etc.

A couple (parents) in my ds' class appear to be joined at the hip. They do pick ups together, there was a class meeting recently where due to space it was requested that only 1 parent attend and of course they both came. DS had a playdate at their house and both came to the door to meet me. I reciprocated recently and both came to my door to collect their ds.

A friend got married abroad, did a 'girls' day at her house to show the video and one woman brought her partner because it would be 'more fun'.

Again, this is light hearted and I don't think there are any social anxiety/ASD/DV issues going on, the women concerned just seem to want to be with their partners all the time.

OP posts:
Guineapiglet345 · 13/03/2019 19:05

The only time I find it strange is when you go in the underwear department of M&S and there will be a man there helping his wife pick out beige high waisted briefs. Some things just need to be done alone.

MirriVan · 13/03/2019 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MamaLovesMango · 13/03/2019 19:08

I think I made it very clear in my OP that this was lighthearted and did not relate to those who have any additional needs.

It’s really not lighthearted though. It’s just an opportunity for to judge and be bitchy about other people openly. Others on this thread have managed very well to articulate why it isn’t for them without doing that. You said it yourself, you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. I can probably think of 30 reasons alone why a person might want another in a GP consultation with them. My example is just one which highlights why you are being very unreasonable by judging that particular scenario. How do you know these people are able to be together in some situations and not others?

I don’t have additional needs FYI. I suffer from mental health disorders. I don’t need anything ‘additional’. I’m quite a capable human being all by myself.

Sitdownstandup · 13/03/2019 19:08

YANBU to be miffed if they're doing things they've been clearly asked not to do, so for example if there's only room for one parent at a meeting or social activity, that type of thing. Other than that, you really shouldn't be able to dredge up any fucks to spare on something as minor as this. Having an opinion on whether other people do their errands accompanied is strange.

Bookworm4 · 13/03/2019 19:12

@disorganisedmum
You would turn down an invite if it was just for you and not including your DH? Right, that's just odd, someone is your friend not your husbands, what an incredibly insular life. It's not the 1950s.

BarbedBloom · 13/03/2019 19:12

We are together almost all the time when we aren’t working. We are both homebodies and almost all of our friends are married with children now (both nearing 40) so we do tend to socialise in groups really. We have the same hobbies so tend to do that together too. I hadn’t really thought about it before, but we are probably one of the couples you are talking about.

Having said that he doesn’t come to the GP with me and if I was meeting a friend for lunch, he wouldn’t expect to come along. We just enjoy spending time together basically, but would have no issue if one of us wanted to go out alone.

Original poster
evaperonspoodle · 13/03/2019 19:12

Mama where have I been bitchy? I think I made it very clear in my OP that this was lighthearted. I'm hardly pearl clutching or bosom hoiking Smile

OP posts:
Crazycrazylady · 13/03/2019 19:13

To the poster who sat she didn't see the point of girls nights. You are missing out on one of life's great pleasures. There is nothing like a good oul chat about things you'd never ever discuss with men present !

MulticolourMophead · 13/03/2019 19:14

My ex was definintely heading in this direction. By the time I left (for a lot of reasons) he had no friends, no outside interests or hobbies, and anytime I was off work he wanted us to do stuff together, and resented me going off to coffee with friends without him. I hated taking too much time off work, precisely because he'd try to wangle time together. I felt smothered, and under pressure to be his only entertainment all the time.

Now I can do as I please, and I've taken more time off for myself. Ex? Well, I understand he's been having issues with filling his time, and he's not old. I'm still building up the circle of friends that I lost over the course of the relationship, but I'm getting there.

So I reckon this "joined at the hip" thing isn't healthy.

TakenForSlanted · 13/03/2019 19:15

I've a friend who does this. I don't normally mind (none of my business) but as PP have said it does annoy me when she brings him along whenever we go out together (alone or, even more awkwardly, as a group of women plus him).

I'm just not going to spill the beans about my latest crush and weep my heart out about my mum being in bad health with some random bloke who I don't particularly relate to sitting there beside her.

Boysey45 · 13/03/2019 19:15

I think some of it may be controlling partners.
My Aunt was so jealous of my Uncle that if he went out alone she would start screaming at him when he returned home.He wasn't allowed to talk to other people unless it was family and she was there.I know loads of people like this over the years, both men and women.

Bookworm4 · 13/03/2019 19:15

@evaperonspoodle
You've not been bitchy, your post is just one to discuss opinions. If mama is independent & capable I'd think hubby could sit in gp waiting room 🙄

SileneOliveira · 13/03/2019 19:16

My inlaws are like this. FIL thinks he has to do absolutely everything with MIL. She has given up driving so is dependent on him for driving, but he will not let the woman have a minute's peace. Usually she goes along with it for a quiet life, but she can't meet a friend for coffee or mooch around hte shops without him tagging along.

DH and I are very much NOT like this. We are both independent people who enjoy each other's company but are perfectly capable of functioning alone.

thedisorganisedmum · 13/03/2019 19:18

what an incredibly insular life. It's not the 1950s.

GrinGrinGrin

and I find it equally odd that you would prefer to spend time apart from your husband, especially in 2019 when presumably you chose him yourself in the first place.

but apparently it's ok to judge others, so let's.

thedisorganisedmum · 13/03/2019 19:19

think I made it very clear in my OP that this was lighthearted.

Putting the word lighthearted doesn't make it any less bitchy.

GreenTulips · 13/03/2019 19:20

I don’t see the problem with a DP/DH tagging along on a ‘girls day/weekend’ if she checked and everybody and they were fine with him being there either

The point is they do mine!!

You don’t arrange a girls night and expect one person to bring their man along - it’s rude!!

I wouldn’t invite her again - yes her - she brought the plus one

jarhead123 · 13/03/2019 19:21

We have neighbours like this - every day they walk their kid together and back. I find it weird - do they both having nothing else to do?

Andylion · 13/03/2019 19:22

A friend got married abroad, did a 'girls' day at her house to show the video and one woman brought her partner because it would be 'more fun'.

More fun for who? Hmm

SrSteveOskowski · 13/03/2019 19:23

My PILS (FIL has passed away recently) were like this as are my SIL and her husband, but in the case of both men, it's because they weren't ALLOWED to do anything or go anywhere on their own and just did what they were told. MIL is a nasty controlling woman, FIL was a very quiet man and SIL is just like her.

I think a lot of times it's because either the husband or wife is controlling, not because they 'love to spend all their time together'.

GabsAlot · 13/03/2019 19:23

my df is like this was with my mum now his new wife-i appreciate people can live their lives how they want but he wont even go out for a cup of tea to meet up without her

riotlady · 13/03/2019 19:24

I have a friend who always tries to bring her partner to girls night and it winds me up. Otherwise though I like doing most things with my partner! He’s my best friend so boring stuff like nursery pickup or food shopping is much more fun with him around

HarrysOwl · 13/03/2019 19:24

Why do posters think that those who spend a lot of time with their partners suddenly couldn't cope with life if their partner died?! The points are not mutually exclusive.

I spend the majority of time with my DH (as I said upthread, we work together from home) but if he died I'd still have a life. I'm still independent. I don't need him, but I choose to spend time with him because he's really great; funny, intelligent, we're never short of something to talk about. Is that so odd?!

And I'd be so glad we got to spend the time together that we did if the worst did happen.

Lots of judgy people with their 'toes curling' - get a grip!

arkela · 13/03/2019 19:25

I would find it weird and unhealthy if you couldn't confide in your own partner.

Because it's not your business to confide? I would be very unhappy if a friend told her husband something that was clearly private. It wouldn't occur to me that I actually had to say "Please don't tell John."

Bookworm4 · 13/03/2019 19:25

and I find it equally odd that you would prefer to spend time apart from your husband, especially in 2019 when presumably you chose him yourself in the first place.

This ^

I like to have my own hobbies and time to do things he wouldn't necessarily enjoy, he has his hobbies I would never be interested in. Every minute with one person is suffocating being it a partner or child.
Are you just trying to convince everyone how perfect you are?

MamaLovesMango · 13/03/2019 19:26

If mama is independent & capable I'd think hubby could sit in gp waiting room 🙄

ODFOD. When you’ve walked a mile in someone else’s shoes, feel free to be as ignorant as that. Scary and devastating shit can happen behind the door of a consultation room. I’m glad you’ve never had to experience it. Or at least I’m a bit taken aback how you know why every single person sitting in a waiting room is there.

but apparently it's ok to judge others, so let's.

Quite. They don’t like it when the tables are turned do they.

FYI OP I always call out pointless judging, even among my friends and family. I used to do it myself and realised it made me feel like shit. I felt a lot better when I gave it up and I know several people I know feel the same. Just a thought.