Couples who do absolutely everything together

[evaperonspoodle]

Not so much an AIBU as obviously it is up to them but I must admit I'm slightly miffed by this. I know a few couples like this, one for example that go to the GP together (and he will go in with her) for non emergency appointments, she will go to put petrol in the car and he will pop along for the ride etc.
A couple (parents) in my ds' class appear to be joined at the hip. They do pick ups together, there was a class meeting recently where due to space it was requested that only 1 parent attend and of course they both came. DS had a playdate at their house and both came to the door to meet me. I reciprocated recently and both came to my door to collect their ds.
A friend got married abroad, did a 'girls' day at her house to show the video and one woman brought her partner because it would be 'more fun'.

Again, this is light hearted and I don't think there are any social anxiety/ASD/DV issues going on, the women concerned just seem to want to be with their partners all the time.

[Nearlythere1]

I have a cousin like this. I'm so close to her she's basically my sister. She and her husband recently had a baby and it's magnified things tenfold. It's not just that they're joined at the hip but he particularly seems intent on getting involved in "girl talk", butting in about her breast feeding schedule, every little thing. I get that's he's being supportive but it's very off-putting. I just wish he'd bugger off half the time. They also can't make independent decisions, even the very smallest things like nipping out to the shop takes a 1 hour pow-wow about what to get and why.

[fussychica]

Doctors often go together as we'll probably go shopping or for a coffee afterwards.
No identical fleeces that's Howard and Hilda from Ever Decreasing Circles but we have been known to dress in a similar colour by accident

[thedisorganisedmum]

as I said I wouldn't like to go on holiday on my own without DH

It doesn't sound like such a happy relationship if you would want to go away without him.

It's quite sad if people cannot understand that you can have a life, be independent, have your own friends and interests but still prefer to be with your partner. It says more about their own relationship than your own if they feel the need to judge others by their own standard.

There's also around 50% of things I don't do at home because DH does. It sounds fair to us to share chores equally. When I hear women moaning about the mental load but mocking people who divide theirs, it doesn't make much sense.

[AlexaAmbidextra]

I don't know anyone who wouldn't tell their partner. They might not bother to, because it's too uninteresting to repeat, but there's no reason why they should hide something from them. I would find it weird and unhealthy if you couldn't confide in your own partner.

Yes, but it isn’t yours to confide is it? If that’s what you do you should make it clear to your friends that they shouldn’t confide in you as you will pass it on.

[Anyonebut]

OK, I'm going off topic for a bit.
I am not a native English speaker, but it seems to me quite a few people seem to use "miffed" as a synonym of "bemused", when the dictionary tells me it means annoyed.
Maybe the OP does mean annoyed and it's just me misinterpreting words but it's not the first time I have noticed this,

[UnspiritualHome]

With couples like this, I always worry whether they both really want to go everywhere together, or whether in fact one of them is over-dependent on or controlling of the other. I really couldn't bear it; I'm not sure my marriage would have lasted if my husband hadn't been happy to give me all the space I need.

[thedisorganisedmum]

don't worry AlexaAmbidextra pretty sure my friends are well aware of that! It's not passing on to tell your partner in confidence! How weird not to tell your own partner if you wish.

I can think of a couple who would confide into their sister, and one who couldn't not talk to her mum. I am guessing that they probably talk more, because women tend to be more chatty and more gossipy. You can still tell them secrets, they are very respectful and wouldn't gossip to anyone.

[undomesticgodde55]

@AlexaAmbidextra Yes, but it isn’t yours to confide is it? If that’s what you do you should make it clear to your friends that they shouldn’t confide in you as you will pass it on.

Gotta say I'm with you on this one. I would be mortified knowing a girlfriend had told her DP about stuff I have told her in confidence. I share a lot with my partner but nothing that my friends have confided in me which doesn't concern him. Just because I can trust him doesn't mean my friend automatically has to.

[AlexaAmbidextra]

It doesn't sound like such a happy relationship if you would want to go away without him

That’s a really silly judgement to make. Plenty of couples have healthy, loving relationships and enjoy doing some things separately. IMO that’s far healthier than having to be clamped together 24/7.

[choli]

thedisorganisedmum yes, that's why I specified "sometimes*

[thedisorganisedmum]

That’s a really silly judgement to make.

but yet it's ok to be judgmental towards couples who make other choices?

You can't have it both ways...

[WFTisgoingoninmyhead]

My DH and I work together every day, we do all our activity together, we live together and we sleep with each other. I do let him out of my sight when he has a Pooh but he only has one a day😂

[MamaLovesMango]

I don’t really get how this is lighthearted. I don’t really get why you’re ‘miffed’ either, it doesn’t affect you in any way, shape or form. I don’t see the problem with a DP/DH tagging along on a ‘girls day/weekend’ if she checked and everybody and they were fine with him being there either.

We do a lot together, DH and I, I think because there was a time when we couldn’t. We do school runs together sometimes mainly because I don’t get to do them very often and if I happen to be at home, I’ll tag along without interfering with their morning routine but hey to show my face at the school gates and it brings me joy seeing DD skip off into school. We often get a MaccieD’s breakfast on the way back and sit and chat in the car

He has been known to come to the GP with me. Sometimes I have trouble remembering information and struggle with getting my point across in personal situations. There’s been times when I’ve needed moral support at a routine appointment, as has he. Sometimes he holds the baby in the waiting room for me.

We often tag along on each other’s little outings. It’s nice to listen to music together, have conversations and debates and discuss things about our life when we get those few minutes together. Sometimes you just have to find the spare few minutes otherwise all your time gets taken up with the daily grind and before you know it, you’ve not said 2 words to eachother.

We also have plenty of time apart, although less in the last few years due to work and babies. It’s possible to keep a balance of both, which I imagine a lot of these people you’re referring to do.

But ultimately this:

My answer to that was simply because I really like my DH.

15 years down the line and I’m not bored of him. Cant be a bad thing.

[Thisnamechanger]

Pretty much me and DP. We do try and do things apart but we're not very good at it.

[Grace212]

My parents were this couple
dad died last year and mum has realised she's not even interested in her friends, she just followed him round all her life

if she lives a long time after widowhood, it's going to be...weird.

"He has anxiety and depression and the GP likes to get my view on how his medication is working"

that alarms me. I have A&D and I'd have a fit at a GP wanting someone else's opinion on how my meds are working.

[AnxietyDream]

I've never really understood the whole 'girls night/guys night' thing. I've always had friends of both sexes, and like spending time with groups of both (even before meeting DH).

My mum is always saying how nice it is to get out with 'just the girls' and I smile and nod and really don't get it. How is excluding half the friendship group 'more fun'?

If I'm invited to women only things I wouldn't dream of bringing my DH, but I would probably avoid them most of the time.

DH comes to a lot of my medical appointments because I have medical anxiety and forget to say things/minimise problems/avoid going at all without him. I have never been to one of his.

He's my favourite adult, and work schedules/childcare means we would barely see each other if we didn't do at least some mundane chores and the majority of our social time together.

[MamaLovesMango]

Do you know what aswell? Sometimes I wear his clothes. He’s got nice shirts and his boxers are lovely as PJs 🤷‍♀️

[thedisorganisedmum]

But then, I don't even like it when couples text each other about nothing throughout the day when they're going to go home and see each other anyway.



judge away, they are in a happy relationship and are likely to have great sex. Your judgement has no effect on their life at all.

[Princessmushroom]

Do you have a question here or what?

I do a lot with my husband. Not everything. If he’s going for petrol and I’m bored or need a break from work why wouldn’t I go with him? He’s my best friend and I sort of like him.

Equally I will tell him when he’s pissing me off and I need some time away from him.

[MamaLovesMango]

that alarms me. I have A&D and I'd have a fit at a GP wanting someone else's opinion on how my meds are working.

It’s quite normal actually, if the other party is comfortable with it of course. Often results of treatment can be very subtle, especially in the early days and the people close to you notice improvements/declines before you do. Of course, if you weren’t comfortable with your OH being in on the conversation, they wouldn’t be asked and nothings been lost.

[Itstartedinbarcelona]

I agree that miffed is a strong word. I genuinely prefer my DHs company and would rather spend my free time with him. I don’t bring him out when meeting my friends but we do most things together otherwise. My DB and SIL seem to spend most of their weekends doing things separately and taking it turns to go away with friends while the other stays with the kids. They also get bored in each other’s company on holiday if they don’t go away with friends. But each to their own.

[AlexaAmbidextra]

but yet it's ok to be judgmental towards couples who make other choices? You can't have it both ways..

Look, I really don’t care if some couples are like Siamese twins. It doesn’t affect me one bit. But yes, I do think your sweeping judgement was silly. Just because you apparently have to share every single thing with your husband, including your friend’s confidences, you don’t necessarily have a closer, better or more loving relationship than people who operate more independently. It doesn’t mean you have an unhappy relationship just because you’re happy to do things separately.

[Ragwort]

If couples are happy to do everything together then fine, that’s up to you but at the very least give serious thought to how you will cope alone if your DH dies first. Death is inevitable, one of you will die first, be prepared.