Couples who do absolutely everything together

[evaperonspoodle]

Not so much an AIBU as obviously it is up to them but I must admit I'm slightly miffed by this. I know a few couples like this, one for example that go to the GP together (and he will go in with her) for non emergency appointments, she will go to put petrol in the car and he will pop along for the ride etc.
A couple (parents) in my ds' class appear to be joined at the hip. They do pick ups together, there was a class meeting recently where due to space it was requested that only 1 parent attend and of course they both came. DS had a playdate at their house and both came to the door to meet me. I reciprocated recently and both came to my door to collect their ds.
A friend got married abroad, did a 'girls' day at her house to show the video and one woman brought her partner because it would be 'more fun'.

Again, this is light hearted and I don't think there are any social anxiety/ASD/DV issues going on, the women concerned just seem to want to be with their partners all the time.

[AllMYSmellySocks]

@AlexaAmbidextra

I do all that you just described with both male and female friends - so you've kind of disproved your own point. It was a PP who said it was important to have female friends to discuss female issues such as outfits, menopause and walking home at night the other posters were just responding to that.

[AlexaAmbidextra]

so you've kind of disproved your own point.

I’m not trying to prove a point. I’m stating my point of view. The PP to whom you refer wasn’t me so don’t assume I hold the same view.

[NoooorthonerMum]

God some of you are unbearably condescending. Not everyone has a need for friendships with people of the same gender. It's fine if you do but people aren't missing out if their friendships are based aspects of someone's personality which are completely unrelated to their gender.

I have mainly female friends due to my job being female dominated but it's not something I need at all. Not because I'm missing some insight - I get it it's just not important to me. I'd also be happy with just DH. When we lived abroad it was just me and him and if I'm honest I was perfectly happy. He's my favourite person to be around. I'm not going to dump my long term friends because I have him but I can see why people are perfectly content with their husband and no close friends.

[Sakura7]

I don't imagine that any new widow thinks 'oh well, my Dh has died but I've got my friends so that's OK'.

No, they don't suddenly make it ok, but they do provide invaluable support.

Also I do find it strange that people can't grasp that female friendships have a different dynamic to mixed gender friendships. And that they don't revolve around vacuous nonsense.

[nometal]

"I've just taken an online test which suggests I am INFJ."

Go on, give us a clue. What's INFJ?

[NoooorthonerMum]

Also I do find it strange that people can't grasp that female friendships have a different dynamic to mixed gender friendships.

I think the point you're missing is that it isn't a dynamic everyone is interested in - some people may actually prefer mixed gender relationships or not mind either way.

[NoooorthonerMum]

I also think it would be madness to maintain friendships you don't actually enjoy in preparation for your spouse dying.

[Sakura7]

I also think it would be madness to maintain friendships you don't actually enjoy in preparation for your spouse dying.

I don't think anyone is suggesting maintaining friendships you don't enjoy.

[Sugarformyhoney]

This infuriates me. I have s friend who is recently divorced and with s new DP... she used to be really laid back and fun but since she’s with him she has become a completely different person and they are joined at the hip.
We had arranged a weekend away with our 3 kids ( all between 9-11) and she told me the day before her Dp was coming with his toddlers. She said it really breezily like I assumed he would come anyway 😡
Anyway it changed the whole dynamic of the trip which ended up being spent running around after small kids and being slaves to a routine instead of a nice laid back treat. We couldn’t even eat out because ‘they’ couldn’t afford it for ‘all of their’ children. Never ever again!

[puppymouse]

My parents are both a bit like this with their spouses. I think splitting up gave them both The Fear of losing someone again so they invest everything and are always together. DH and I are able to spend a lot of time together doing mundane stuff but more often than not, operate as a tag team to allow us to cover all our commitments and childcare etc. So we rarely go out together.

[bananasandwicheseveryday]

@nometal

"I've just taken an online test which suggests I am INFJ."

Go on, give us a clue. What's INFJ?


here is the page which has the quiz and it explains far more clearly than I am able.

[Gwenhwyfar]

"I think the point you're missing is that it isn't a dynamic everyone is interested in - some people may actually prefer mixed gender relationships or not mind either way."

I can see how it's different, just like I can see a huge difference between posting on MN to posting on the Guardian, but I still prefer mixed groups.

[Gwenhwyfar]

"I don't think you would find many men posting on an online site, that they don't want to have friends because their wife is their best friend and they just sit there wishing she was there, so they chose to do everything with her exclusively. "

I don't think they would admit it, but there are plenty of men like that, probably more than there are women like that.

[Gwenhwyfar]

"I've never experienced worrying about what I wear on a night out, or anxiety about walking home, or fear of a man walking behind me. I know of them because I've heard people discuss them, the way you know of something if you read it.

I've never felt it though. Or a myriad of other things women claim to. I just can't relate to it."

I envy your nonchalance. Given the stats for rape, I'm not sure it's justified.
A lot of rapes are carried out by people already known to the victim of course. My fear of men in the dark is partly learned from others and partly from the time I was mugged.

[Gwenhwyfar]

"What do my female friends and I discuss? Our careers, our families, gigs we are going to, our long weekends away, good things in our life, things we struggle with, the normal stuff friends discuss. Our lives basically."

There's no reason why you couldn't discuss those things with male friends.

[Dillydallyingthrough]

I've only known one couple like this, sadly we drifted apart as they always brought the partner with them to catch ups were the partner hadn't been invited. After years of this and trying to nice about it, it just became easier to see her less. After almost 20 years, one cheated ending the relationship.

My friend reached out and wanted a lot of time/support at the time, I tried to be there for her but unfortunately it was never the same. As her other friends were less forgiving I would get 100's of messages/missed calls because she was so lonely.

[FunkyKingston]

I used to scoff at couples like this. We holidayed seperately, socialised seperately and i used to congratulate myself that we were individuals with a strong marriage as we weren't dependent on one another or joined at the hip.

Turned out we were just not that into one another all though paradoxically neither of us is inclined to divorce and move out of our home as we were already living seperate lives, we just do so now in seperate bedrooms. Now i really envy those people who feel they've found the other part of them.

[Charley50]

I find it really weird that some women are so condescending and dismissive of female friendships.

[Bluntness100]

Do you really think that these sorts of things are all that women friends have in common

You do understand I was pushing back at a pp and it was not me that said this? Please read the thread.

I find it really weird that some women are so condescending and dismissive of female friendships

Not just this, they are trying to argue these friendships are some form of weird needy unrequited thing and it's right for it to be all about their man.

I've read some odd things on here, but this is one of the oddest. But more than that. It's one of the saddest.

[AlexaAmbidextra]

You do understand I was pushing back at a pp and it was not me that said this? Please read the thread.

Bluntness. I have read the thread. My comment was to the person you were quoting, not to you. 🙂

[Sakura7]

Funky - there is a balance. It's possible to be really into your DP and have a wonderful relationship, while also making some time for your friends. Living in each other's pockets 24/7, to the point where you're utterly dependent, is not a sign of a healthy relationship. Neither is spending huge amounts of time apart by choice.

[cantbearsed1]

This weekend I spent some time with DP, we spent some time with friends, another couple, and then some time apart. DP watched the Rugby with a friend - I hate Rugby, while I went to a walk with some friends.
You can enjoy each others company and spend time with friends.
I always think it is a bit strange when people have no friends they actually see and seem almost proud of that.

[Olga321]

I always think it is a bit strange when people have no friends they actually see and seem almost proud of that

Really? I've never noticed that.

I

[Olga321]

Posted too soon!

I think this thread just shows that we're all different but some people refuse to accept that and will argue it to the death because their way has to be best.

[IrmaFayLear]

We may all be different, but some people are a bit "differenter" !

The most extreme couples I've seen are ones who will never visit their own parents alone, always as a pair. Still worse some couples will not interact separately with their dcs. There is never a one-on-one with a child for, eg, a day out. Someone said "the children of lovers are as orphans" . Fil was like this. He only had eyes for mil and dh, now he has his own dcs, realises it was pretty weird and unkind behaviour.