Couples who do absolutely everything together

[evaperonspoodle]

Not so much an AIBU as obviously it is up to them but I must admit I'm slightly miffed by this. I know a few couples like this, one for example that go to the GP together (and he will go in with her) for non emergency appointments, she will go to put petrol in the car and he will pop along for the ride etc.
A couple (parents) in my ds' class appear to be joined at the hip. They do pick ups together, there was a class meeting recently where due to space it was requested that only 1 parent attend and of course they both came. DS had a playdate at their house and both came to the door to meet me. I reciprocated recently and both came to my door to collect their ds.
A friend got married abroad, did a 'girls' day at her house to show the video and one woman brought her partner because it would be 'more fun'.

Again, this is light hearted and I don't think there are any social anxiety/ASD/DV issues going on, the women concerned just seem to want to be with their partners all the time.

[Bookworm4]

@mirivan
I'm with you, it's very odd. I always think one of them is controlling or has trust issues. Much as we might live our OH bring together 24/7 is stifling. The joint school run is an odd one 🙄
Have your own interests, these are the people who can't cope if the marriage ends because they had nothing outside of it.
And to the woman who repeats conversations she's had with a gf to her DH, that's awful.

[LucheroTena]

It’s really weird.

You see them in shops, trailing the woman around picking out her clothes and passing comments.

Just grab a bloody newspaper and sit outside muttering and looking at watch like all the normal men.

[fussychica]

thedisorganisedmum think you may have misunderstood. I wouldnt want to go on holiday without him, that's what I got flamed for.

[thedisorganisedmum]

I am not sure how actively trying to have a bad time without your DH is going to help the day he dies. You might as well enjoy his company whilst he's around. Who knows, you might even die in the same car or plane crash anyway.

It doesn't mean you have contact with the outside world! We barely have any weekend without friends at home or staying over at friends. Being close doesn't mean being lonely

[MamaLovesMango]

I won’t @Ragwort and I know it. I don’t know if DH will or not. Although we’re both self sufficient human beings with the skills and abilities to stay alive, we’ve known eachother since we were a few weeks old and have always been together in one way or another. I have no idea how you seperate a bond like that but I guess we’ll find out.

[MitziK]

We get along together really well, so I don't think there have been many times when either of us has felt that it would be a pain for the other to come along. He works away from home quite a lot and was away for three months looking after his father when he had a stroke. We both hated the three months - he doesn't like the shorter periods much, either but I don't mind them because it's quite nice to have the house to myself occasionally.

We do most things together, but I go out once a week for an activity and sometimes I just CBA to go along to his things because I'm too tired after work. The only time I've actually been a bit miffed when he assumed he was coming along was when I wanted to talk to a mate about things I didn't want to share with him, because they were about him/how an illness he had was affecting me - so it became a social meetup and I did my talking on the phone instead the next day.

[BitchQueen90]

thedisorganisedmum no there's nothing at all wrong with liking to spend time with your partner, but that doesn't mean at the extent of spending any alone time with anyone else. I don't necessarily mean "girls nights" but I'd find it really strange if I invited a friend to go for a coffee and they wouldn't come without their partner. I don't think it's healthy to be that reliant on one person, you never know what life has in store.

[thedisorganisedmum]

fussychica
I understood, sorry, I phrased my comment badly.
My reply was to people who called you pathetic. I am with you, I don't do holidays without DH. It's not like we have that many a year as it is.

[FudgeBrownie2019]

DH is away a lot through the week so at weekends I actually look forward to seeing him. I also like my time alone, though, and wouldn't ever, ever take him out to meet my friends or shopping because a) he wouldn't want to come and b) it's not how we are.

My Mum and her new DH do everything together. Everything; even her gynae appointments. It's either deepest adoration or utter madness. I'm not sure there's even a difference.

[evaperonspoodle]

Anyonebut maybe I'm using miffed wrong, I'm not annoyed, more a bit perplexed and bemused.

Mango I made it very clear in my OP that it doesn't affect me negatively. I would most definitely be more than miffed if a friend brought her partner along to a girls weekend. Why would anyone even ask if it was ok to bring a man? The intended audience is in the title. I must admit though I find it odd needing to bring a person along for moral support to a routine GP appointment though, barring any special needs. Doesn't affect me in the slightest though.

[MamaLovesMango]

If it doesn’t affect you though I don’t understand how you can be miffed?

Moral support because I have MH disorders and sometimes talking to somebody else is really fucking scary. Especially if you feel like you want to kill yourself. Judge away.

[FaFoutis]

My Dad is superglued to his newish wife. He never says 'I' only 'we'. They have exactly the same opinions (hers) on everything. How lovely, except she is a raving idiot. Obviously the only bit I actually say is 'how lovely', but it's really very sad.

[dustarr73]

When my dp was made reduntant,we realised we really liked doing everything together.Lunch out,shopping.Mooch around anywhere we wanted to go.

But i think as long as it doesnt impact anyone else.Fine.The men going on coffee meetups with their wives is weird though.Thats impacting on other people and i would have to say something.

[evaperonspoodle]

If it doesn’t affect you though I don’t understand how you can be miffed?

I have an opinion on lots of things that doesn't directly affect me; FGM, nuclear weapons, the war in Syria, the price of a loaf of bread. I think that's fair enough.

Moral support because I have MH disorders and sometimes talking to somebody else is really fucking scary. Especially if you feel like you want to kill yourself. Judge away.

I think I made it very clear in my OP that this was lighthearted and did not relate to those who have any additional needs.

[makingmammaries]

I’m with the PP who wondered how the joined-at-the hip school run couples ever manage to earn a living. Weird. What’s wrong with a few minutes’ solitude?

[thedisorganisedmum]

BitchQueen90
If a friend texts me to meet for coffee tomorrow, I won't need to call DH and ask him to join us.

If someone wants to meet only me at the weekend, I more likely than not won't have time and wont' bother.

[Bluntness100]

Again, this is light hearted and I don't think there are any social anxiety/ASD/DV issues going on, the women concerned just seem to want to be with their partners all the time

I think you're unreasonable to blame the woman. I think both parties are equally as odd if I'm honest, I assume some form of lonely co dependency.

[SmarmyMrMime]

Having had a parent die suddenly and the other parent finding themselves suddenly responsible for everything, I grew up thinking it is important to be capable of doing and organising things on your own and having independent support networks. Losing DH suddenly would be bad enough without being totally dependent on being glued to his side.

We do a lot together and have overlapping friendship groups, but the dynamics of female only groups are different to when OHs are around. Having a partner gatecrashing in would change the atmosphere even if you are all friends. My friend and I mutually told each other about our pregnancies at an earlier stage for practical reasons. It was a few weeks later before we felt ready to share that information to the other's partner. It was not our confidential information to share and needed to wait until the right time.

We happily went travelling for 3+ months spending all but a couple of hours together and got on very happily, but equally we manage perfectly well in our own company when DH works away.

It's not healthy to be overly dependent on eachother. It can be a sign of cohersive control, or mental health difficulties. If that relationship breaks down or a partner dies, it will be incredibly difficult to adapt to the change in circumstances unless you intend on dying of a broken heart shortly afterwards. (With a decent age gap, that's not my intention!)

[evaperonspoodle]

Again, this is light hearted and I don't think there are any social anxiety/ASD/DV issues going on, the women concerned just seem to want to be with their partners all the time

I think you're unreasonable to blame the woman. I think both parties are equally as odd if I'm honest, I assume some form of lonely co dependency.

I'm not blaming the woman, I'm saying that of the couples that I know that are like this it is the woman that seems to want to bring her DP along to everything. I've no idea what is going on behind doors though.

[screamifyouwant]

God no I won't let my dh come shopping with me and definitely not the doctors if I had a appointment.
I used to work with someone she was a lot older than me but her dh would go everywhere with her , if she had a doctors appointment he would go and it's not like he'd sit in the waiting room for her he'd go in and pass comment to the doctor. He'd even ring her direct line at work and if I picked it up he be like where is she . Then she'd ring him back and explain where she was . She used to joke and say I think he thinks I've got another man . I'd be like you know it's not normal . This couple were both in their mid 60s not that age has much to do with it but I just thought it was very bizarre.

[Amore22]

Yanbu. To me, it is strange and unsettling to do absolutely everything together. But I am someone who needs some space. Trees and plants grow better with a bit of space between them. For me, so do people.

[TheBitchOfTheVicar]

@thedisorganisedmum

• as I said I wouldn't like to go on holiday on my own without DH
  
  It doesn't sound like such a happy relationship if you would want to go away without him.
  
  It's quite sad if people cannot understand that you can have a life, be independent, have your own friends and interests but still prefer to be with your partner*
  
  It's quite sad if people cannot understand that going on holiday without your partner and being in a happy relationship are not mutually exclusive.

[thedisorganisedmum]

I grew up thinking it is important to be capable of doing and organising things on your own and having independent support networks

but this has nothing to do with couples doing everything together.

Holidays? we prefer to go together, but are perfectly able to book one without imput from the other.
Finance? More or less joint, but each of us manage the budget of our own departments at work.
Kids? We stay at a family, but either of us can manage without the other.
Friends? We have friends.

Choosing to spend time together doesn't mean we don't know how to live alone. We just don't want to.

[thedisorganisedmum]

TheBitchOfTheVicar
but the point was that it's sad to be mocked and looked down by people because we prefer to do things as a couple.
We can turn it round and mock people who don't - it's ok, because it's "light hearted" only when you feel attacked in your own choices you don't like it so much

[Bluntness100]

I'm saying that of the couples that I know that are like this it is the woman that seems to want to bring her DP along to everything

Yes, but we must assume he's not there against his will. That's my point. They are equally culpable.

I mean the simple thought that if my husband says to me "I'm popping out for some fuel" I'd say " well I'm not busy so i will come too" because you're my best friend and I just luffs you, makes my toes curl. Or going out with friends and I take my husband with me, because I luffs his company so much, well It's just not healthy in the slightest.

So yeah, I'm with you, it's odd as hell. And I think it's very unhealthy.