Couples who do absolutely everything together

[evaperonspoodle]

Not so much an AIBU as obviously it is up to them but I must admit I'm slightly miffed by this. I know a few couples like this, one for example that go to the GP together (and he will go in with her) for non emergency appointments, she will go to put petrol in the car and he will pop along for the ride etc.

A couple (parents) in my ds' class appear to be joined at the hip. They do pick ups together, there was a class meeting recently where due to space it was requested that only 1 parent attend and of course they both came. DS had a playdate at their house and both came to the door to meet me. I reciprocated recently and both came to my door to collect their ds.

A friend got married abroad, did a 'girls' day at her house to show the video and one woman brought her partner because it would be 'more fun'.

Again, this is light hearted and I don't think there are any social anxiety/ASD/DV issues going on, the women concerned just seem to want to be with their partners all the time.

Batman, I think that's fair enough then to be honest,

Where as I do think it's very odd to classify anyone who chooses to have a social life with same gender friends as " needy as fuck" it is also a bit bitchy to say men are laughing at the clingy little wife.

However I think there is an element of truth in the statement. If someone excludes everyone else apart from their spouse, then yes if something happened, it would likely be more difficult for them than others with a friendship circle, they would potentially be very isolated.

And I do agree that I don't think you would find many men posting on an online site, that they don't want to have friends because their wife is their best friend and they just sit there wishing she was there, so they chose to do everything with her exclusively.

I can honestly say if my husband had that view I don't think our relationship would have made it very far. I'd have felt suffocated and would not wish to be with someone who had to do everything with me, including going to the petrol station.

Me and my dp spend far too much time together and I think that’s why we argue a lot. I feel refreshed when I have a bit of time away but unfortunately I don’t have many friends near by and lack the motivation.

I think it's weird if I'm honest! Unless they're very young and in the madly in love sort of period of relationship or literally have the same set of friends in a small social circle, it's odd! Reminds me of that Harry Enfield sketch where the wife played by Caroline Aherne speaks and says 'what do I say' to her poor husband after every statement 😂

If anyone here does MBTI, my type is INTJ, which is fairly unusual and I think this is why I don't connect with people the way some do.

I have tested as INTJ in the past. I'm certainly introverted. If I'd met a husband in my 20s I might be a bit like this. However, I didn't and over the course of my 30s/ 40s I got better at connecting with more varied people. I don't have many really close friends but I do have a wide circle of friends and acquaintances. I'd be highly unlikely to be that dependent on a partner. I don't have a problem sitting apart from them or just being separate from them.

Meh, we all change and develop.

I think groups of female friends who need girls only chats are needy as fuck

I doubt that there is anyone in a group of female, or indeed male and female, friends who would say that they need chats with each other. For my part, I want them because they are an enjoyable part of my life. inevitably, time out with my friends has a different perspective from time out with my husband - it's not better, it's just different, and gives me a different type of enjoyment and fulfilment. If they weren't in my life, I would be worse off. And if I were constantly taking the line that I would rather be my husband, it's inevitable that they would be pushed out of my life.

And I wonder what happens when husband and wife aren't exactly on the same page? If, say, husband is really unhappy if he can't sit with wife when they go out, wife would actually rather be free to talk to people without husband velcroed to her side? Doesn't there come a time when one of them feels really suffocated and they reach crisis point?

Belenus We met in our late teens. I don't mind being apart from him at home and will sometimes take myself off by myself, but any actual social occasions I prefer him to be there.

I do think it is lovely to have separate time just to keep your individuality.

I love DP but I also love seeing friends without him sometimes and I’m happy for him to do the same. Actually it’s less hassle for us as we don’t need to worry about a babysitter.

I do love the rare date nights though! As soon as dd is a bit older I hope to do more

By the way I love the pedal stool comment but it’s pedestal.

Annoying mode is off now!

It's different personality types. Just like when we were younger some people preferred to have one or two close friends and others preferred to have big and varied groups of friends. Neither set up is right or wrong just personal taste.

The trick is to understand that someone being different from you is not inherently wrong or worse. Try to consider things from other people's point of view. You may love your husband and feel open in his company but your best friend may not so understand she may want to spend time with just you sometimes. Likewise you may love a girly holiday away from your partner but your friend may only get one or two holidays a year and want to spend them with her other half. It's not a rejection of you it's just her preference.

I'm an INFP which is of a similar family, introverted and supposedly difficult to establish friendships with. I would feel suffocated if I was around my DP all the time. We have a wonderful relationship though.

I am surprised at the scoffing at female friendships on here. My DH is my soulmate & we have been together knocking on 30 years, so pretty much all my adult life. But my female friendships are incredible enriching in a completely different way. I happen to know some amazing women that I am proud to call friends and we all have the common bond of making our way in world designed by and for men.

Plus, although my lovely DH is nothing but a star as I battle my way through the menopause, it is fellow women I can really offload with as we have that shared experience. 'Girlie time' really belittles a rich and important part of my life - it is part of who I am, a multi-faceted individual as well as a wife.

I think women are still socialised to undervalue women friends and to think of them as disposable when a man comes along. Enough of my adult dd’s friends do this for it to be noticeable as still a “thing”

Good post @TheNavigator I'd been trying to work out what it was that was bugging me about the dismissal of female friendships, and it is that. There are certain experiences you have as a woman that cannot be shared by men. Just things like worrying about what you're wearing on a night out because you might have to walk home on your own. That shared experience does bring about different bonds.

Yy TheNavigator - that’s it exactly!

I think that's why I don't fit in with other women really. I've never experienced worrying about what I wear on a night out, or anxiety about walking home, or fear of a man walking behind me. I know of them because I've heard people discuss them, the way you know of something if you read it.

I've never felt it though. Or a myriad of other things women claim to. I just can't relate to it.

Personally I'm not dismissive of female friendships but like batman there's nothing particular about female friendships for me - never has been. The friends I have are friends because of shared interests or sense of humour or personality. Not because of shared female experiences - I have never had anxiety about walking home at night or worries about what to wear etc. I don't have much interest in discussing female experiences personally. I'm fine if other people do but I don't.

I am surprised at the scoffing at female friendships on here.

This makes me feel quite sad actually. Female friendships are to me, so vital and enriching. I feel the same when you hear a woman announcing, usually quite proudly though God knows why, that she’s a man’s woman, that she gets on so much better with men than with other women. I don’t envy them, I rather pity them as they’re missing out on so much.

I've never felt it though. Or a myriad of other things women claim to. I just can't relate to it.

Ok, this shows you don't understand same sex friendships, because clearly it's not all about the things you mention, that's very stereotypical, I don't think I've discussed what to wear, fear of a man following me home or anxiety about walking home since my teens.

What do my female friends and I discuss? Our careers, our families, gigs we are going to, our long weekends away, good things in our life, things we struggle with, the normal stuff friends discuss. Our lives basically. There is no stereotypical we get together and discuss fear and clothing.,,

I rather pity them as they’re missing out on so much.

I find that quite patronising. I'm not only friends with men, I have plenty of friends but the kind of "female friendship" described here sound dull to me. I don't want to discuss my experiences as a woman - it doesn't interest me at all. My friendships are based on sense of humour, shared interests and passions. Not discussing things like worrying about what you're wearing on a night out because you might have to walk home on your own.. I've never had those worries or those interests.

Goodness have we swung from competitive relationships to competitive friendships?

m.youtube.com/watch?v=qz-TZF4uhfc

There is no stereotypical we get together and discuss fear and clothing.,,

I rarely discuss it. It's enough to know it's there.

I have never had anxiety about walking home at night or worries about what to wear etc.

Oh dear. Do you really think that these sorts of things are all that women friends have in common? Do you really believe that all that women discuss with their female friends are ‘women’s issues’? My women friends and I discuss anything and everything. World news, politics and finance as well as our work and personal lives. A mix of serious and fun. It isn’t just like an episode of SATC, discussing our new shoes or how to get a man. How odd that some women view female friendships as consisting purely of ‘girly trivia’.

I rarely discuss it. It's enough to know it's there.

You don't know it's there. I'm female and have none of the experiences you've described.

I don't have anything more in common with someone because they're female personally - like a PP I relate to people based on their personality not gender.

I have mixed groups of friends and close friends who are male. In fact my closest friends are male although some good female friends too. Some of you are being very patronising and thinking that YOUR way of conducting relationships and friendships is superior - it shows a lack of insight into different personality types. I have no need for female friends in particular. I do like though to have friendships outside of my relationship but don't consider myself to be superior to people who are content with just their partner.

I've just taken an online test which suggests I am INFJ. Having read the information I would say they've actually got me pretty well, even down to my career and some of the responsibilities I have within my role.
Anyway, I was going to say there is no-one whose company I enjoy more than dh. He completely understands me and I feel more comfortable with him than with anyone else. I do spend time with friends but to be honest, I always look forward to getting home. I would not choose to go on a holiday or break, with anyone else.
As for the comments about how dreadful it will be for me if he dies first, or we split up - I don't think it will make it feel any better whether I spend my time with friends or not. I am quite capable of paying bills, driving myself to and from work etc. I don't imagine that any new widow thinks 'oh well, my Dh has died but I've got my friends so that's OK'. My aunt and her husband had a very wise circle of friends, individual hobbies, separate holidays etc throughout their 55 year marriage. He died and she is completely lost. One of her biggest regrets is about the time she could have spent with him instead of holidaying with friends.
AFAIAC, as long as your relationship works how you both want it to, why would anyone be so concerned about mine, or indeed any other person's relationship?