Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Couples who do absolutely everything together

736 replies

evaperonspoodle · 13/03/2019 16:59

Not so much an AIBU as obviously it is up to them but I must admit I'm slightly miffed by this. I know a few couples like this, one for example that go to the GP together (and he will go in with her) for non emergency appointments, she will go to put petrol in the car and he will pop along for the ride etc.

A couple (parents) in my ds' class appear to be joined at the hip. They do pick ups together, there was a class meeting recently where due to space it was requested that only 1 parent attend and of course they both came. DS had a playdate at their house and both came to the door to meet me. I reciprocated recently and both came to my door to collect their ds.

A friend got married abroad, did a 'girls' day at her house to show the video and one woman brought her partner because it would be 'more fun'.

Again, this is light hearted and I don't think there are any social anxiety/ASD/DV issues going on, the women concerned just seem to want to be with their partners all the time.

OP posts:
Oakenbeach · 17/03/2019 07:29

BatmansBoxers

How can you bring yourself to be on MN? Looking at a screen when you could be looking into your DH’s eyes! It’s good to be close to your DH... the level of dependency you seem to have is unhealthy.

UnspiritualHome · 17/03/2019 09:20

We do almost everything together. We like to be around each other. I don't have anyone I enjoy spending time with as much.

That's quite sad. I love to be around DH, I enjoy spending time with him, but I also enjoy spending time with my friends and I get a lot out of being with them that I wouldn't get with DH. It's a different type of enjoyment, and my life would certainly be poorer without it.

pineapplebryanbrown · 17/03/2019 09:34

Perhaps velcro couples should be really upfront about it. If invited to a no partners things don't turn up with him just decline and tell people you never attend anything without your husband.

AriadneCrete · 17/03/2019 10:13

My best friend is now like this and it’s awful. Her boyfriend tags along to brunch/ lunch even when it’s just girls invited.

We went on holiday together and midway through the holiday, without any prior discussion, he turned up on Friday having caught a flight after work and stayed the entire weekend. They both acted like it was entirely normal.

Unsurprisingly, she has also told him things that were discussed in confidence. I now don’t share anything personal or private with her.

It’s a real shame because she used to an excellent friend. I now refuse to do anything one on one with her, because chances are he’ll turn up. And while there’s nothing wrong with him, when he just randomly turns up to lunch/brunch/ coffee, it’s a totally different dynamic.

thedisorganisedmum · 17/03/2019 10:13

the level of nastiness in this thread is unreal.

Some parents like to spend time with their children.
Some parents go on holidays without theirs.

Do you get as judgey about that? Strike that, you probably do.

Some people will never understand that the choices and preferences of others has nothing to do with them, it's never a criticism or an approval of their own. Most people do not give a damn how you live your life, don't get over invested in others, focuse on your own.

BatmansBoxers · 17/03/2019 10:38

Bluntness Were both 28. I do work and he works, we've been together since we were teens.

It's not that I can't, I can do it and will if I have to. But given the choice, I choose him. I have a couple of close friends but they don't live near us so rarely see them and instead we text or whatsapp.

I just don't find many people I actually like. Being alone is okay, it's being with other people without my DH that I don't like. No one quite compares, in my opinion.

JacquesHammer · 17/03/2019 10:43

Most people do not give a damn how you live your life, don't get over invested in others, focuse on your own

As I said in my first post though, I don’t give a shit how other people choose to live their lives, however when it negatively impacts on others then it becomes a problem.

Sakura7 · 17/03/2019 10:47

thedisorganisedmum

I don't see a great deal of nastiness, I see people having a discussion on a discussion forum. If you're going to post that you can't bear to be away from your DH for five minutes, people will ask questions and comment on it, as it's unusual and in many people's eyes unhealthy.

Of course everyone is entitled to live the way they want, nobody is trying to be the relationship police, but if people are going to post about their lives on here they are opening themselves up to comments.

BatmansBoxers · 17/03/2019 10:56

A previous poster has it right, we won't ever see this from the other side. As long as both are happy then it's fine

MiniEggAddiction · 17/03/2019 11:11

There is definitely some nastiness on this thread which reeks of jealousy. There's nothing wrong with couples who love to spend all their time together or couples who like to do lots separately. If you're in the former category you should be mindful of not bringing your partner to events when they're not invited (it can change the dynamic to have a partner there) but other than that there's no issue. How anyone could object to couples doing the school run together or wanting to spend their precious holiday time together is beyond me.

Billben · 17/03/2019 11:20

some nastiness on this thread which reeks of jealousy

😆 😅😆

Sakura7 · 17/03/2019 11:26

Nobody is saying couples shouldn't go on holidays together FFS, that would be ridiculous! But it's perfectly fine to do these things with your friends as well, and it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with your relationship.

Bluntness100 · 17/03/2019 11:35

some nastiness on this thread which reeks of jealousy

That's an unusual thought process. You think people are forced to have friends they socialise with and are jealous others don't have any close friends?

BatmansBoxers · 17/03/2019 11:54

I think she meant jealous of the closeness of their partners. But you knew that.

AlexaAmbidextra · 17/03/2019 11:58

some nastiness on this thread which reeks of jealousy

Jealous of what? Jealous of someone who can’t bear to be in another room in their house to their DH for the length of a TV programme? Jealous of someone who has no friends or interests outside their relationship with their DH? Jealous of someone who has to be next to their DH at a social function and is upset at the thought of sitting across the table? IMO these scenarios aren’t something to be jealous of. I find them rather scary and claustrophobic.

Sakura7 · 17/03/2019 12:02

So those of us who take a couple of hours away to have a coffee with friends aren't as close to our partners. Confused

thedisorganisedmum · 17/03/2019 12:09

Nobody is saying couples shouldn't go on holidays together

the word used to describe that was "pathetic"!

Needy, suffocating, co-dependent, abused, boring,... are all charming words to describe other posters. Clearly no bitterness or jealousy at all Grin

Jealous of someone who has no friends or interests outside their relationship with their DH?
well, some of us have interests and lots and friends with their DH. Shocking, I know. Being close to your DH doesn't mean being locked in a room 24h a day looking at each other doing nothing you know!

Bluntness100 · 17/03/2019 12:15

I think she meant jealous of the closeness of their partners. But you knew that

Well no, because that's illogical, being so dependent on a partner at the cost of all other social interactions is not closeness, not even remotely, its simply a sign of over dependency and social exclusion.

Sakura7 · 17/03/2019 12:15

Disorganised, you are massively missing the point! Willfully I believe.

Nobody has said it is pathetic or needy to go on holidays with your DH, and you know that. People are commenting about those who can't bear to be separated for five minutes and think it's somehow odd to spend any time with friends.

screamifyouwant · 17/03/2019 12:18

Nobody has said it is pathetic or needy to go on holidays with your DH, and you know that. People are commenting about those who can't bear to be separated for five minutes and think it's somehow odd to spend any time with friends.

Well said !!
It's like some people are on purpose twisting comments no need .

Luby40 · 17/03/2019 12:19

It drives me bonkers.....I don't get it! We have a friend who's husband is her shadow, we no longer invite her out because he will come along! It makes everyone feel awkward when your having girlie time and he rocks up!! even if you invite her for coffee at one of our houses she will bring him!!
I love spending time with my OH but equally I love spending time without him and I think it's healthy to do our own thing!

AlexaAmbidextra · 17/03/2019 12:20

well, some of us have interests and lots and friends with their DH. Shocking, I know. Being close to your DH doesn't mean being locked in a room 24h a day looking at each other doing nothing you know!

Well good for you then my statement doesn’t apply to you does it?

userxx · 17/03/2019 12:31

It makes me feel suffocated seeing couples like this. I love my boyfriend's company, but I also love catching up with the girls. Just the girls.

thedisorganisedmum · 17/03/2019 12:32

I am not sure why some people are so worked up and desperately trying to show how bad and unhealthy a close relationship is. It actually never impacts you, does it, but it seem such a sore subject for some.

Nobody has said it is pathetic or needy to go on holidays with your DH
read the thread.... I never said YOU did, someone wrote it though Grin

It's funny, if people are that bothered about it, they must have good reasons.

JacquesHammer · 17/03/2019 12:33

It actually never impacts you, does it, but it seem such a sore subject for some

Actually it can absolutely affect other people. It’s a bit shortsighted if you can’t see how that could be.