To ask what's so great about private school

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So my friend was privately educated, and so was her partner. They put their school aged children in a very prestigious private school but then had to take them out and move in with her parents. I don't quite know what happened but I think they overstretches themselves financially.
Now her two children are happily settled into the local state school but she still insists that she will be moving them back to private school in the future. My question is why would you decide to do this if you can't really afford to?
I was state school educated from a single parent family and went to a terrible primary school, but I have great memories. My friend and I actually do the same job, we are both admin assistants on a few quid more than minimum wage. I don't think that her private education has actually benefited her at all.
I tried to ask her what exactly she felt that a private education gave you that a state education didn't. She used the example of writers visiting the school, inspiring children to write and improve literacy. I have a creative writing degree, nothing would have prevented me from writing stories, it's all I've ever wanted to do since I learnt to write. My best friend has a 2:1 degree in Literature from Oxford, she also went to a state school in a 'deprived area' and was raised by a single mum.
I honestly don't understand what a private education gets you apart from possibly helping you to make contacts. It's certainly not more important than trying to buy your own home, in my eyes.
Fully expecting to get flamed.

There’s a lovely bit In a Peter Wimsey story where somebody is talking about public school and he says something like “Eton of course. And Harrow. And I believe rhere’s a
decentish place at Rugby”
And someone else says “Rugby? That’s a railway junction”

Anyone who thinks private schools-apart from the big 5 (ish) give you contacts are suffering from lower middle class delusion.

Well the type of school dd goes to gives you contacts but in a very specific area and you have to be talented in that area to gain a place anyway.

They don't want their kids mixing with the criminal underclass but the criminal upper class - they'll do.

A relative is a maths tutor and the majority of the kids he tutors are at private schools. The second highesr number go to the sought after faith school. Makes me wonder...

I was privately educated age 8-18. A good well respected day school in London.

Don't believe I have contacts, at least not in the way they seem to be mentioned here.

I lack confidence in my abilities. Being with super bright children for so many years and being of average intelligence has not helped. Decent grades, uni on paper through hard work.

Facilities? Not particularly them though better now.

Class sizes? Smalller than state but not tiny. 20-25? I think any smaller would actually be stifling.

University despite a gap year was an eye opener.

My DC. So far state educated. Our local primary does a good job and we'll see about secondary. Not convinced about private.

Anyone who thinks private schools-apart from the big 5 (ish) give you contacts are suffering from lower middle class delusion

Bertrand I really don't know why you keep bleating on. You clearly have absolutely no knowledge or understanding of private education. We get that you hate it, but you are so woefully uniformed. You are pretty rude and offensive too, so I feel no qualms in pointing out your considerable shortcomings on this subject.

Main advantage is small class sizes, but that is a pretty major advantage. I was in a class of ten and pretty much had individual tuition, some of DH’s teachers still didn’t know his name by GCSE, and he was a straight A student. He certainly didn’t get any individual attention or feedback, the teachers were too busy trying to keep order with all the unruly kids.

DS is too young for this to be an issue currently, but I do worry about him going to the local secondary schools. Partly because they are massive, and I worry about my little baby getting lost in the crowds. Partly because an 18yr old was killed and a 14yr old was stabbed in our local Sainsbury’s car park last week, and I don’t want him to have to worry that if he looks at the wrong person funny in Maths he’ll be killed on his way home.

There was a lot of violence in DH’s London comprehensive (and overt racism) which went completely unpunished, which you simply can’t get away with in a tiny school. DH wasn’t bullied in particular, but he was scared to go to school each day regardless.

I also hate the academy thing of super-strict rules and no speaking unless you’re spoken to, etc - I want DS to grow up polite but confident and happy. I want a school that is reasonable, and teaches him to question things not enforce petty rules (non-petty rules are fine, petty ones breed contempt). Unfortunately a lot of our local state schools have reacted to discipline problems by going full military boot camp. I remember what I thought of teachers like that as a teen; I thought they were ineffectual dicks and ignored them.

I really want school to be something DS can respect and enjoy, not the time-wasting load of shit my DH thought it was (and as I say, DH was very academic and did well). If a local state school had the right ethos/atmosphere (and I thought I had ANY chance of winning the local catchment lottery) I’d be perfectly happy with state. If we lived in a grammar area, no doubt I’d be happy with state. But I’m not enamoured of the local state choices at secondary level, no.

Basically people don’t want their kids educated around the offspring of the criminal underclass

Aside from other criminals, who the fuck would? That really isn’t a MC thing, it’s a “not a criminal” thing. Unless you are implying that all poor people are criminals, I’m personally quite confident in distinguishing between poor people and violent people. I’d be just as uncomfortable finding Mafia/Russian oligarch/Saudi royal family kids in a private school (though I doubt they would send their kids to school in Lambeth).

Now we're getting to the crux of the matter - you dont want your kids hanging out with poor people with nits

@Fazackerley - so you do think that “contacts” are one of the reasons for sending a child to a run of the mill private school?

A lot of people are against private school because they don’t like success.

“A lot of people are against private school because they don’t like success.”
Such a silly thing to say.

My group of friends are all state educated, mixed - top level unis and high earners. The schools in my area are outstanding. On that basis I don't see a need for private school. But now as my DD approached high school I have the occasional panic and think "should we?". I don't even know why. I agree with the confidence and connections and smaller class sizes but is it worth £10-20k a year when I'm already paying a huge mortgage to be near good schools? Probably not.

I went to a pretty unimportant (but very good) Private school in Yorkshire
Not only have I had business contacts many years later but I have also visited some pretty awesome holidays visiting people who live in amazing places
That’s not why we sent dd Private but I was responding to a PP who said most Private Schools won’t give you contacts

Smaller classes/great sports facilities/amazing (but costly) school trips/state-of-the-art equipment for everything/seemingly more disciplined than some of our local schools

No apparent difference with pastoral care/bullying or drug issues ime...

“Not only have I had business contacts many years later but I have also visited some pretty awesome holidays visiting people who live in amazing places”
But isn’t that just called “having friends”? My ds is going to New York this summer to stay with a mate’s dad. They met at his very unleafy local state school.

A lot of people are against private school because they don’t like success

So you measure success in terms of cash in the bank? I would never be able to send my children to a private school, but I am certainly not a 'failure' at life.

Private schools keep the oiks out, innit.

Although there's nothing to say that your're not an oik just because the mater and pater have ££££££. Look at some of our politicians....

Private schools usually have more resources and smaller class sizes, they can attract better teachers (due to not having to teach the aforementioned oiks) and are usually much better for extra-curricular activities.

Interesting comment about state schools being a production line. DS is at a high performing state comprehensive but has far less homework than he would at the local private grammar school. I certainly get the impression that state schools are more humane about the pressures they place on the kids.

Spengler - I'm successful and I went to state school. Who'da thought!

And what an odd concept. Wanting to make friends/contacts to free load holidays off them. How about travelling the world under your own steam?

No/much less riff raff

There are loads of good things about a good private school. Loads. I think the problem is that people assume that being private means that the school will have those things automatically. The other thing is that a lot of the extra “stuff” that kids get from private school is the same “stuff” that those kids would get if they went to state school-it’s just that parents pay for them separately rather than in with the fees.

I’m with Bertrand mainly despite having a very positive experience of one of the top public schools.
They certainly didn’t have better teachers. Half weren’t even qualified teachers and most would have been eaten alive in even the nicest of comprehensives. Direct experience of both has taught me that many (not all) state school teachers are more skilled and know their subjects better but the government and many parents don’t support them to use this to the full.
Working alongside and helping those who struggle is a really good way of learning about life but also of embedding subject knowledge.
I actually think the spoon feeding and more ‘support’ with coursework and personal statements is a disadvantage in the longer term. Some might call the number of pupils encouraged to develop dyslexia for additional time and use of laptops in exams, the whole cohort remarking, the advice on draft coursework, igcse rather than gcse etc good education to get best results others would call it gaming. My experience tells me ( and statistics bear it out) that those achieving exceptional rresults from state comprehensive schools have learned far more about themselves, are more resilient and maintain their internal drivers. The independently educated are more entitled, care less about achievement but are very good socially and confident in grander or foreign settings. They are happier to use networks and cold contact people they can see have some degree of connectiion. They end up with interesting CVs because of this and being able to afford unpaid internships.
There is excellent post school networks but that’s more about them wanting people to retain the sense of belonging and make hefty donations. One father recently donated 19 million towards running summer schools to show the aspiring middle classes what they were missing. The money for a new performing arts centre was raised very quickly by selling bricks at 10k a time. That was 25k if you wanted your name on a patrons board.

We were both educated privately so for me private seemed obvious for mine . Also generally earlier start so I could drop her on my way to work at primary school was a useful bonus . My view that she would be more likely to get the highest grades at private rather than state . In year 7 they could do a taster class in pretty much any instrument so she switched from piano and violin she’d done at primary to saxophone . Generally though the main thing is finding the right school for your child whichever sector and that of course depends on your child , choices available locally and your wallet .

I was state school educated at an allegedly good school. I had no maths teacher for GCSE years as she had a breakdown and school didn’t have money to replace her. In history there was one textbook between four children which meant if you sat on the edge you couldn’t really see the book. Sports facilities were appalling. Music provision was inadequate. Sciences labs inadequate. Bullying rife. Despite this I made it to university and a good job in the city. The majority of my peers did not, and many ended up in prison. Some would hold me up as a success from the state system. The others who went on to further study (less than a quarter of my year) became teachers, social worker, a couple of nurses and one accountant. I was deeply unhappy throughout school. I was of the view I was unlucky and each school is different so we tried local state school for our DC. Bullying was an issue, class sizes large and lack of resources. After two years of trying to get school to deal with bullying we moved DC1 to a private school. DC1 is flourishing. Our experience of this one private school has been brilliant- classes of less than 16 kids but large year groups so enough children for active sports teams. Excellent pastoral care and SEN provision, wonderful music, dance and drama curriculums, good discipline, great academic results, fabulous facilities and resources such as libraries, tech etc. School often has inspiring guests such as a polar explorer, archiologist, authors, sports personalities, scientists, and so on who bring the curriculum to life. Numerous clubs and associations for the kids to join if they wish. For example if your child is interested in music they have different choirs, various music ensembles and orchestras. If your child likes dance they teach ballet, tap, modern, ballroom. This is a pre-prep and prep so this is all for children aged 5-13. We were blown away with what is available and had no idea education could be done so well. My DC are having a fabulous time at school and adore it. They are young and we have not told them we pay for this. They just know they go to a school they love. Education stays with you for life. I want my children to be happy and able to stand on their own two feet financially when they grow up. Regardless of what jobs they have if they are content and able to support themselves I will consider their education as having been worth every penny.