To ask what's so great about private school

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So my friend was privately educated, and so was her partner. They put their school aged children in a very prestigious private school but then had to take them out and move in with her parents. I don't quite know what happened but I think they overstretches themselves financially.
Now her two children are happily settled into the local state school but she still insists that she will be moving them back to private school in the future. My question is why would you decide to do this if you can't really afford to?
I was state school educated from a single parent family and went to a terrible primary school, but I have great memories. My friend and I actually do the same job, we are both admin assistants on a few quid more than minimum wage. I don't think that her private education has actually benefited her at all.
I tried to ask her what exactly she felt that a private education gave you that a state education didn't. She used the example of writers visiting the school, inspiring children to write and improve literacy. I have a creative writing degree, nothing would have prevented me from writing stories, it's all I've ever wanted to do since I learnt to write. My best friend has a 2:1 degree in Literature from Oxford, she also went to a state school in a 'deprived area' and was raised by a single mum.
I honestly don't understand what a private education gets you apart from possibly helping you to make contacts. It's certainly not more important than trying to buy your own home, in my eyes.
Fully expecting to get flamed.

*But that said, it's probably not worth going into debt for.
*
This statement, when following tales of horror at state school, is more ironic than someone in an admin job having had a private education.

Specialist Music teachers from 3, specialist Art teacher from 3, specialist Games and PE teachers from 3, specialist MFL teacher from 3, specialist science teacher from 6, three hours of games and an hour of PE a week, being heard read by the teacher or TA every day aged 3-7, etc etc. I don't particularly care about fancy facilities, that's what we're paying for.

Resources - private schools have many more £££ per pupil, which pays for more staff, resources, facilities, smaller classes etc

Evidence re £££?

Smaller class sizes, outstanding pastoral care, and loads of amazing classes/teachers/opportunities that just aren't available at our state school -- that's why we're private.

I'm sure these things are available in state schools, they just aren't in a catchment area we can afford.

How many drug dealers were educated in the independent sector do you think, compared with the number of drug dealers educated in the state sector?
7:93 perhaps? Same as the ratio of all pupils?

Nothing is worth going into debt for! If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it! But if you can why put a kid through a shitty local state school? Not all state schools are awful but quite a lot are.

I guess it depends on what kinda drug dealers youre talking about!

There are plenty of shitty private schools that fuck people up too

Even some highly regarded ones that do as well.

I don’t think I will ever forgive the private school ds went to for how they treated him.

Fair enough but with private schools you do have the choice of taking your custom elsewhere. Not quite so easily done in the state sector.

It is very much worth the money we pay. Our local state schools are all awful, with very low GCSE pass results. Ds gets so much from his single sex school with small class sizes, an abundance of extra curricular activities, external speakers, trips and facilities. He is challenged constantly, which he loves. He would not be thriving in the local comp despite the fact that he is gifted. I hasten to add that dh and I both went to said local comp. I have fond memories of my time there, that is not enough. There were no expectations and no push to succeed. Through sheer hard work and determination we have both done well for ourselves. I do not want this struggle for our children, so will continue to support them in private education, whatever it takes.

Evidence? Private schools that are charitable trusts publish their accounts so you can take a look, look up pupil numbers and see annual income and expenditure.

Or look at proxy indicators. For example, my local private schools (London commuterbelt) have a swimming pool, private lab, specific sports, science, arts teachers from year 3, lots of support staff, well stocked library etc. The £££ is obvious.

Some smaller / not financially viable private schools probably don’t have great resources though.

Transparent information on state school resources per pupil is damn hard to find.

They have pens and paper or the teachers don’t have to buy them.

My dd went to a small independent. She benefitted in

Having girls around her who had aspirations
Being where there was a positive work ethic
Single sex, high expectations of young women, no boys to monopolise teachers' attention
Teachers had experience of top universities and entrance to same
It was ok (expected) to be clever and polite
Many opportunities eg music, learning ancient Greek, etc

And probably more, that I've forgotten.

Her daughter is now in independent school.

We weren't well off. I was a single parent. We had no other luxuries, no holidays, none of the things that most people expect. But your education, when you have it, cannot be taken away from you. Education is true wealth.

I’ve used both for ours. The better education came from the comprehensive- better qualified teachers, better understanding of the struggles and reality of life for many, more flexibility and tolerance, greater need for pupils to be self motivated and learn to set their own goals.
However, poorer resources. The independent spent as much on a sculpture of a horses head as a medium sized comprehensive had to spend in a year.

The independent fostered elitism, it had a separate language and traditions only alumni would know. They encouraged and supported fantastic networks for careers, funding of gap years and more general useful contact. There were incredible facilities, a theatre, every imaginable sport, a golf course, stables, a dance centre, many rehearsal and recording facilities for music. A Lutyens war memorial. Adding up to a brilliant place to grow up.
Then independents can break the rules. They don’t have to insist on the national curriculum. They can allow time off for activities at national level. They can support exceptional achievement.
They don’t have to take all comers. They can select. They do select. Ours had several days of asses assessments before they’d consider offering a place. It’s not the parents choosing the school. The poor comprehensive takes everyone. Well nearly everyone but not the top tier who tend to be creamed off in many areas.
It’s not comparing like with like.

I would never get in debt for private school but I can see why people use them. My two are at a comprehensive and tell me classes sometime have no staff at all, three teachers are trying to cover four classes. DD is taught French but a supply teacher (3 teachers off sick in languages) and they can't speak French. She joined in year 8 top of her year in the grammar previously and the comp stuck her in middle set for French so she is learning nothing all year in languages, school won't do anything. So she will end up not doing languages GCSEs. Other subjects are well taught like maths and science but often wish we had money to send her private.

I went to comp and got to Cambridge but teachers at school said not to apply and I would fail as noone had got in from my school before. Ignored them, got in and Cambridge wrote to school and to me every month or so to support me until I started. I got the highest degree result of the 3 of us in my subject at college but the two public school boys I was with both got jobs earning 50 percent more. They had much more confidence and better careers advice. I do think some people send to private schools for social climbing. The most amusing reason I ever heard was a single Mum said she was sending her child private so she could meet a 'better class' of single Dad and find a new rich husband. 😂

@jaura They all have self belief and confidence instilled in them, and in most instances, this comes without arrogance. The private schools all have the old boys/girls network and hold events where they return to give careers advice etc so the pupils are starting adult life from a well connected position.

Education is indeed true wealth but you can also get it from the state sector. And it depends what kind of career you hope for your kids, or is it just about private education for private educations sake - for them to have 7 years of being in a rarified atmosphere and making connections?

Private schools are successful businesses which provide an overall positive outcome

Depends what you call 'well connected'. I want my kids to be connected with people from all walks of life.

'An over all positive outcome'? I've met some privately educated people who wouldn't fit that description

Extra pineaple I hardly thing the 'average' child would cope very well in a refuge camp! May children have major problems coping in the our state system as our two did. They both have ADHD and sensory processing disorder,. The chaotic, loud, unorganised primary class room was impossible for them.
We were lucky in being able to get bursaries from the local prep school. It was fantastic for them. Not only were the classes smaller and the children much better behaved the more traditional system of teaching suited them as did the routines. Lastly however the very best thing was all the sports. They were outside every day come rain come shine playing sports which was fantastic for a child with ADHD.

The odd thing I found that was that there really was no snobbery or bitchyness from either children or parents. No school gate problems at all. Everyone was always invited to every party. We went to castles, mansions and suburban semis. no one cared. No one cared what you or your children wore. There was a second hand shop at the school for uniform and sports equipment so it really wasn't as expensive s you'd think.

Transparent information on state school resources per pupil is damn hard to find.

I thought it was all available on compare schools e.g. random school if you look under 'workforce and finance' and then finance it has income and expenditure per pupil broken down into different categories. Or is that not accurate/what you meant?

The few people who have chosen private education that I know of have had a wish to access something extra such as good music as their main reason.