To ask what's so great about private school

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So my friend was privately educated, and so was her partner. They put their school aged children in a very prestigious private school but then had to take them out and move in with her parents. I don't quite know what happened but I think they overstretches themselves financially.
Now her two children are happily settled into the local state school but she still insists that she will be moving them back to private school in the future. My question is why would you decide to do this if you can't really afford to?
I was state school educated from a single parent family and went to a terrible primary school, but I have great memories. My friend and I actually do the same job, we are both admin assistants on a few quid more than minimum wage. I don't think that her private education has actually benefited her at all.
I tried to ask her what exactly she felt that a private education gave you that a state education didn't. She used the example of writers visiting the school, inspiring children to write and improve literacy. I have a creative writing degree, nothing would have prevented me from writing stories, it's all I've ever wanted to do since I learnt to write. My best friend has a 2:1 degree in Literature from Oxford, she also went to a state school in a 'deprived area' and was raised by a single mum.
I honestly don't understand what a private education gets you apart from possibly helping you to make contacts. It's certainly not more important than trying to buy your own home, in my eyes.
Fully expecting to get flamed.

St Paul's , Westminster , Winchester

Those are public schools. Massive difference between those and your average indie grammar that most people on here are talking about sending their kids to.

Nobody sends their kids to the kind of indie secondary school I went to so their kids can hobnob with the great and good. They go so they can benefit from small class sizes and more individualised tuition, or to avoid local state schools with poor reputations. Implying parents at those schools are idiots for not realising that these schools are not a fast track to the Tory front bench is a complete straw man - nobody thinks that.

(And I’m sure even Eton doesn’t open many doors if you’re “the wrong sort”, whereas Prince George could go to the roughest school in the country and he would still be invited to play polo at the weekends by other members of the aristocracy when he’s older).

Re Prince Harry he may not have been offered a place at Eton had it not been for the fact his mother was killed when he was 12 and in circumstances which must have been very difficult for him and his brother.
I guess Eton did the decent thing and at let the brothers be at school together.
Also, if he hadn’t been offered a place imagine the gloating by the media.
Apparently he did very well as a helicopter pilot and I don’t suppose that’s that easy.

At my son's school a person offered a huge amount of money for a facility. They (school) said no. They value their reputation before money.

At Eton Russian oligarchs are very put out when they are told that no matter how generous their donation to the school, their sons will still have to pass the entry requirements to get a place there.

I've met a Russian oligarch, he was very nice and I was surprised how down to earth he was. In fact, he asked my advice about something, when we were standing next to his dead big fuck off posh car that must have cost many thousands and we were stood next to our 10 year old Passat. I didn't know my place

@Sashkin -Apologies if my post came across wrongly. But I did not not imply anyone was an idiot - not at all. I simply said - be aware what you are paying for . I did not once imply that any parent is an idiot & I don't believe it - but if you are going to spend money on school fees be ( in my opinion) very clear what you are spending that money for. Some schools I know of aren't worth the candle ( in my opinion ) Others will disagree with me But it is up to the parents to decide. That is my only point. If you inferred something differently then I apologise - BUT I did not mean to call anyone an idiot - more just to say - with many fee paying schools make sure you are getting what you want - it's a lot of money.

@Basilisk, kind of. I don't think a school should just be the sum of results though. My schools were selective, some perfectly bright children went there after passing entrance tests and interview panels and excelled. But there are schools with much higher entry test requirements. Yes, some schools are academic power houses and sell themselves as such, others turn out smart kids but are also known to have great provision for drama, sport or just bringing on children to be the best they can be. It depends what you look for and what in a school though, definitely don't pay for one you don't believe in.

If you have the money to educate privately and have a "Tim" you'd send him to a school that would allow him to flourish, get good grades, bring on sporting talent and feel good about himself. He'd still need to pass an entry test/get a certain CE score but not an exceptionally high one. Sending Tim to a school full of Swotty Nigels where he'd be bottom of the class with a B if he got in at all probably won't make Tim feel great about himself. You're paying for the good but broader school to help Tim to come out well rounded and equipped to try for a decent career in his chosen field, and for Tim to be happy.

If you have a swotty Nigel however, who is galloping on ahead in class and wanting more and quite competitive about it, then a more rigourously academic school with more focus on grades alone would probably suit him better. Especially if you could do with a big scholarship to get Nigel in at all. The scholarship programme to the real hothouse is bigger and plays far more to Nigels strengths anyway. If Nigel gets into the hot house, scholarship or not, he'll have to keep working hard because that's really all he's there for. It's important that he's happy in the right school, but the "right school" is also a school with very high standards that turns out neurosurgeons, political game changers and successors to Shakespeare on the reg and weeds out anyone not up to scratch for A-Level. That's what you're paying for.

"what's so great about private school?"

That's quite a broad question, really. For some private schools the answer may well be "not a lot"- or rather, they aren't any better than state provision and may even be worse than some of the better ones. For some children, a particular private school may not be better than a state one. I think it all depends on the individual child and the school. In my view, it not all about academic achievement or whether the child goes on to be a judge or neurosurgeon or business leader and so on. These things are important, of course, but education and school should not just be about exams- I want my DC to be happy and settled at school too. I want them to be able to find sports/activities/hobbies they are good at and love to do. If you can find a school that allows your child to do all of those things, then great. It matters not one jot whether that school is private or state because its the right school for your child.

However, there is no doubt in my mind that there are some excellent private schools who do offer wider opportunities than the state can. Which is entirely understandable given the funding, resources and facilities they have available. That is not to say that a good state education cannot take you every bit as far as a good private one. But it can make school days very different and open opportunities that may not have otherwise come your way.

My DC are at private prep. It's a lovely school with strong ethos and academic rigour, small classes (more than one form in each year to allow this), lots of sporting and extra-curricular activities. I feel it has been a good fit for our DC. It may not be for other children though- I have a friend who moved her DC to a different school as she thought it was too academically demanding for her DC and they are happier in their new school.

Our local state provision is pretty abysmal, in particular the local senior schools. For example, one even got to the point of asking parents with any maths skills to come in and help as they could not recruit sufficient number of maths teachers. There is also talk of closing schools on a Friday, or having a half day, in an adjoining area and this has been discussed for this area too. A friend moved her DC from one of these schools as he was being allowed to drift academically- he's clever and as so many classes (esp science and maths) were being taught by non-specialists on a regular basis, once he'd done the basic work set out they didn't really know what to do with him. He was unhappy and felt that a lot of the time classes were noisy and disrupted, and teachers spent lots of time dealing with that. He is much happier where he has moved to (private, academically selective), but I think that environment would not have been conducive to a good education for a child of any ability. How can you learn in a classroom full of disruption? As a teacher, if you don't know the subject then how can you stretch a clever child or support one who's struggling with a particular concept, or indeed help a child who just isn't particularly academic?

Taken together, I don't think that's good enough and so we have chosen an alternative. I am well aware that we are very fortunate to be able to make that choice. It would be great if all children could have a good education, but the reality is not all schools can provide that. And that isn't all down to the school itself. I think the teachers mostly do an amazing job but are hamstrung by the education system itself, by poor behaviour and lack of effective discipline, but also by lack of resources to support pupils appropriately (whether that is pupils with SEN, pupils who need stretched academically, or those with problems at home and so on). I can't singlehandedly change that by choosing to send my DC to a failing school. It won't make any difference to the school or to the success of other children in that school. It will make a difference to my the education my children receive though.

I went to a bog-standard state school. It wasn't the worst in the area, it was considered slightly above average, but not the best. I achieved quite well academically, but that was not really down to the school. If you were well behaved and got on with your work, and achieving reasonable results then not much attention was paid to you by the teachers, bar one or two outstanding teachers who did push us to keep doing better. Being academic wasn't "cool" though and although I wouldn't say I was bullied, there was a lot of teasing/name calling and unpleasantness. Luckily, it didn't really upset me and I had a good group of friends anyway. Most of the worst offenders left at 16 anyway, so less noticeable after that.

My DC

Posted too soon.

I received a bog-standard, not exceptional and not awful, education. I would like better for my DC. It is not available in the state sector in our area. If it were, then I may well have chosen differently.

Such an interesting read... Would send my kids private if I could for the class sizes

Some preps offer subject specialist teachers for year 5 upwards instead like secondary schools instead of having a single class teacher all day who teaches everything.

I’ve got brothers who went to private school. They do regular jobs, didn’t do amazingly well in exams or anything. However they have a completely different group of friends to what I had (I’m a fair bit older). They’ve had much better opportunities outside of school.

I think whether it is “worth it” does depend on the individual school and the child, TBH.

Local state schools where I live are not great, so we chose to go down the private route and have been very happy with the education DC’s have received. I am sure it is better than they would have received in the state sector locally.

That is not to say that children who go to local state schools can’t and won’t do well and go on to achieve great things. Or that they will all have a bad experience.

If there were a good state school, we might have chosen differently. There are certainly poor to middling private schools too.