To ask what's so great about private school

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So my friend was privately educated, and so was her partner. They put their school aged children in a very prestigious private school but then had to take them out and move in with her parents. I don't quite know what happened but I think they overstretches themselves financially.
Now her two children are happily settled into the local state school but she still insists that she will be moving them back to private school in the future. My question is why would you decide to do this if you can't really afford to?
I was state school educated from a single parent family and went to a terrible primary school, but I have great memories. My friend and I actually do the same job, we are both admin assistants on a few quid more than minimum wage. I don't think that her private education has actually benefited her at all.
I tried to ask her what exactly she felt that a private education gave you that a state education didn't. She used the example of writers visiting the school, inspiring children to write and improve literacy. I have a creative writing degree, nothing would have prevented me from writing stories, it's all I've ever wanted to do since I learnt to write. My best friend has a 2:1 degree in Literature from Oxford, she also went to a state school in a 'deprived area' and was raised by a single mum.
I honestly don't understand what a private education gets you apart from possibly helping you to make contacts. It's certainly not more important than trying to buy your own home, in my eyes.
Fully expecting to get flamed.

It wasnt for me at all...found it overwhelming and stifling...am now a socialist as a result. Didnt like being surrounded by ultra weathy sorts.

I also taught in a very famous, exoensive s hool. Worst behaviour ive ever experienced ...even worse than the rough sink school where i taught previously. Mostly because management were in complete denial as 'we dont have that sort of behaviour here/ we therefore dont do detentions.'

Sorry for typos! Aggr phone!

it would be preferable if all kids had the chance to a great education rather than a creating an elite.

Loads of good stuff about a good private school. Amazing what money can do!

The problem is that the kids who really need the extra “stuff” private school can offer are the kids who would never in a million years be able to go to one!

True, but at least the private system is churning out an elite who can run the country well

I've taught in regional schools in both the public and private system (Aus) and there is definitely a difference. Although our clientele is more demanding with higher expectations than at my old public school, this does translate to better results and behaviour.

It is also a much more pleasant environment to work in.

Dd attends boarding school thanks to a generous bursary, so we only pay an element towards boarding fees, uniform, and trips, insurance etc.
Since starting there her confidence has sky rocketed. She is so much more rounded, great at talking to everyone, and her educational attainment has been amazing.
Small classes help - I think there are 4 or 5 pupils in her physics class.
I worked out the yearly cost to be about 3k, which we can luckily afford. Worth every penny.

I would say that I went to the local grammar school, dh went to a comprehensive. Dds school is a lot less snobby than my old school was.

My parents sent me to private school to take advantage of the smaller classes and the one to one that was offered. I have dyslexia and I think also dyspraxia. And they wanted the best possible education for me.

This was the early 90’s so I guess primary schools are better at dealing with children with learning delays. But still I’m grateful they made that decision for me.

The thing I value (us state educated, Dd state educated through primary) is the selection of pupils and independence from the state means behaviour is good and disruption is low to non existent. If you behave badly you improve quickly or are asked to leave. This also means teachers want to work there. Turnover is low.

This is true to varying degrees for any sort of selection whether that be by private, grammar or religious schools.

The small class sizes, huge beautiful grounds and facilities, sport, drama, lambda, clubs all add to the experience of course. But mostly it’s a place of learning and good behaviour.

Your kids get a sense of entitlement, and they get to avoid a whole section of society

not true, apparently they get to mix with the lower end of society when they start work

Yes I agree vulpine an excellent education for all should be the aim. Regrettably for as long as it isn't there, and it used to be for some, in the form of grammar schools, people will make choices.

We lived in SW London and for boys there was not one school we felt we could put on the CAF. For girls there were two. Our dd actually did a couple of years in a supposedly outstanding state secondary with a revered reputation. The quality of teaching was poor, behaviour had declined, teachers were leaving. It was shocking. In dd's cohort not one girl went to Oxbridge or medicine for the first time in a generation except the girls who were pulled out along the way. Many of the girls who stayed were brighter and better all rounders than dd. DD however did make Oxbridge.

One advantage of the private sector, in my experience is that rather like the low tolerance for behaviour, there is also a low tolerance for poor teaching and poir teachers are through revolving doors in a term rather than a generation.

also not impossible to reach Oxbridge- if that is your goal - through the state school system. And great that your daughter did it, presuming she wants to study medicine?

My ex went to one of the famous public schools. He said drug dealing and use was absolutely rife and out of his small group of school friends, one is unemployed, one is dead from a drug overdose and one is in prison for killing someone by drink driving.

It depends on the state school and the private school in question. There are private schools which are hothouses you couldn't pay me to send my child to (I heard of one where kids weren't allowed to run at playtime!). There are also state schools I'd be willing to stretch myself massively financially to avoid.

I do think for lots of children education makes a huge difference. I started off in a very large state school where I was massively overlooked and not very happy (the teacher literally didn't know who I was at parents evening and I had no friends). My family moved to a village where I attended a small school. It definitely transformed my life. It doesn't necessarily have to be a private school but I do see why people go out of their way to find the best school for their kids.

Middle class children tend to do very well at state school; less so working class children.

Dim children who go to private school have so many more opportunities than they would had they gone to state school (speaking from experience ).

Its always strange on these threads that people rarely mention bad experiences they had at state schools and I know lots of people who did. No school is perfect, but private is a lot better funded especially these days so has clear advantages.

I went to a state school that achieved better outcomes than the nearby private school. However I now live in an area where the secondary schools are dire and if when the time comes I can afford private, I would send mine instead of the horrendous state secondary.

Although the state I went to was in a very wealthy area with an odd catchment so most the families were high earners anyway which more than likely influenced things

'I also taught in a very famous, exoensive s hool. Worst behaviour ive ever experienced ...even worse than the rough sink school where i taught previously.'

Blimey, did you

In an ideal world all schools would be wonderful places of opportunity and excellent learning. Currently they are not. That's why some people choose private education for many diverse reasons. Some can afford it easily, some get bursaries and some feel that every sacrifice they make to afford it (including living with parents), is worth it. It is genuinely a shame and seems unfair that not everyone can have that choice. But being harsh and realistic, life ain't fair, is it?

Ah that old chestnut. Life isn't fair. How about we strive to make it a little fairer? Social mobility is good for us all. schools that educate just 7% of the country account for 74% of judges, 71 % of generals and 29% of mps - that's hardly a fair playing field. But I realise people don't give a fuck as long as their own kid is ok.